


When we were younger

by luinlote



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: All The Tropes, Blow Jobs, Canon Compliant, Coming Out, First Kiss, Fluff and Angst, Happy Ending, M/M, Rimming, Romance, Schmoop, Secret Relationship, Smut, So many tropes, Wellington - Freeform, gratuitous use of fic tropes, proposal
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-10
Updated: 2015-11-10
Packaged: 2018-04-30 21:28:31
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 53,243
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5180393
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/luinlote/pseuds/luinlote
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Canon Compliant. </p><p>In where you get to see small glimpses of Harry and Louis' life together through the years, first through the eyes of others and eventually their own, as their life keeps spinning madly around them.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. When you were younger

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer:
> 
> Obviously this is absolute made up fiction. Even if it is inspired and based on real actual people and events that might or might not have taken place do I in no way pretend to know what was actually going on at either of those times. Because I really don't.
> 
> Also, even if this story is quite heavily inspired by certain iconic events there will obviously be some massive and some not-quite-as-massive mistakes in both occurrences, circumstances and timelines, just to try and get the story to come together and flow properly. Sometimes I winged the dates or the persons just to make the story work around my idea, and some of the more recent developments have been utterly ignored because of reasons. (*cough*babygate*cough*) Yes. I hope the inaccuracies won't take away any of the fun or enjoyment for you.
> 
> That said, this fic is so massively self-indulgent and I can't believe I finally finally actually finished it hahaha. omg.
> 
> Thank you to S and to L, my Girl Almighty crew for handholding while having been along on this wild fic-ride for several months and having come with wisdoms and encouragements and research help when I've been stumped! Love you both! <3

_**October 2010  
** _ _Inside the X Factor house_

  
Despite all the obvious signs, like the obnoxiously loud laughter that he just couldn't keep down, the guitar that was perched right next to him at all times, the bad jokes… despite how all of them indicated that Niall was a loud and brash young boy, the presumption was wrong. Despite how young he was, Niall was actually finely attuned to sense others emotions. He always had been, as he was also someone who cared for others deeply.  
  
They had been staying at the X Factor house for a little less than three weeks; 19 days to be exact, and Niall was getting to know the other four boys in their newly formed band so well that he was already thinking of them as brothers. He enjoyed their company, their banter, just spending all that time together, really, even as they were all so different from each other.  
  
Liam was so steadfast, trustworthy and such a warm person that almost everyone seemed to turn to him several times every day for random advice or questions. Niall often found himself seeking him out just to relax in his calming presence. There was also the fact that Liam just _knew_ things that the other four didn't- like how to fold a shirt to not get it all wrinkly, how best to scramble an egg or how to do your laundry without turning your favourite shirt into a baby-sized one. (Niall was still, two weeks later, upset about that particular mishap. It was his favourite shirt, a blue Nike polo and it had taken him several months of saving his allowance to finally be able to afford it.)  
  
Zayn was very, very different from Liam, but he was also a calming presence in the otherwise bustling house. He was quiet and serious, but also very kind and a very warm person who enjoyed himself a little more carefully than the others. Niall really liked him immediately, found himself looking for Zayn often, to just bask in his presence. He was funny and mischievous but it had taken him a while to come out of his shell, to open up towards them all, he had even seemed a little shy. He seemed to need time to himself every day in the same way others needs oxygen. Zayn really missed his family, he had told Niall the other night with a wet sheen clinging to his ridiculously long lashes and Niall had put his arm around his shoulders and squeezed carefully, letting Zayn know that he had a family in this house as well, if he wanted to.  
  
Then there was Harry. Wicked, funny and with these frankly adorable dimples and crazy curls that already made the girls go crazy whenever they spotted him wherever they went.  
Niall had thought him and Harry might be quite similar and they had hit it off immediately. Harry was the youngest, and he was pretty much a what-you-see-is-what-you-get kind of person and Niall really liked that, it was all very easy with Harry. No hidden agendas, no double meanings. He laughed when he was happy, and frowned when he wasn't and he was grumpy when he just woke up. You could easily tell his emotions as they flickered so clearly across his face. They joked around a lot, him and Niall, and Niall couldn't help but laugh at Harry's jokes no matter how bad they were because Harry himself always seemed so delighted with his punchlines. Even though the jokes frankly sucked- Niall had never heard any worse knock-knock jokes in his entire life, honestly, where'd Harry even get them from?  
  
Harry was a star, probably made for this life of fame and performances and screaming girls. But he was also a good person and a kind friend, Niall knew that with certainty pretty much within minutes of meeting Harry for the first time.  
  
Louis in turn was the oldest, even though you couldn't really tell from the way he acted. He was absolutely hilarious and Niall could spend all day, every day in the house watching him execute his pranks and wrecking havoc wherever he went. His mind must truly be a fantastic place, because it was a wondrous thing to experience from the side. Niall couldn't ever come up with even half of the brilliant schemes that Louis did even if he tried. His pranks, they were frankly impressive, Niall had never seen anything like them. To take all of Liam's socks and turn them inside out had been truly inspired, especially when Liam had been so annoyed that he had tried to interrogate every single one of the contestants in the house to find the guilty one, only to think it was Harry as he squirmed in his seat and flushed madly when asked if he knew anything, anything at all about the crime. Niall thought it was the most brilliant thing he had ever seen! Not to mention changing the shampoo in a shampoo bottle with Caesar dressing. Niall was crying with laughter for hours after that one - even though he'd been the one on the receiving end of that particular prank, and it had taken him four more washes with one of the girl's strongly fragranced apple shampoos to get rid of the anchovy and garlicky smell in his hair.  
  
Niall saw so much in the big bustling house, even though most of the people there probably wouldn't think of him as such an observant person. But he was. He saw the way some of the girls were pressured into wearing clothes they didn't like by the production team, noticed how they caved and wore them after their initial protests. Saw how some of the contestants struggled with songs that weren't at all to their liking, or well suited for them at all- almost as if they were being sorted out in the very easiest way possible, through singing songs that they couldn't possibly make work for them. He hurt for those already crumbling under the pressure, those who wouldn't make it.  
  
But, despite all the less pleasant parts of the show, there was mostly happiness and joy in the house, a bustling mixture of giddy excitement and slightly hysterical nerves. Loud laughter, loud singing and a variety of instruments being heard at precisely all times, cosy evenings in front of a film on the telly, sloppy sandwiches eaten at odd hours together while trading jokes and ideas in the kitchen.  
  
For all that Niall saw in the house, both the good and the bad, he also heard how Harry's laughter turned a little more high pitched whenever Louis was around. How he kept seeking out Louis' presence in the house at all times. And he couldn't help but noticing that no matter how much mischief Louis would get up to, no matter what crazy scheme he came up with, he would always, always be very gentle with Harry- from the very beginning there would be a hand on the small of Harry's back to guide him as they were in the line for the canteen's lunch service, or waiting in the hallway for their turn with the coreographer. There were more often than not the flicker of a hand to right a stray away curl on Harry's forehead. There were also the fact that Louis always saved Harry a seat, and not even bat an eyelash as Harry unstealthily stole chips from his plate, even though he would frown at anyone else trying to do the same thing.  
  
And there was the fact that the first thing Louis did after every successful prank was to glance over at Harry to see if he had seen and to gauge his reaction. And that other fact where every time he found Harry's eyes fixed on him and they were lit up with amusement, Louis would bear a striking resemblance to the cat who got the cream. And Harry was always, always watching Louis, no matter what.  
  
They seemed to orbit around each other right from the start, those two. And it made Niall wonder, even though he never mentioned anything to anyone. But maybe, just maybe... He smiled to himself.

 

\- - -

 

_**November 2010.  
** _ _Tomlinson household._

  
Johannah had known for years, of course, when Louis finally came out to her. She had rambled on as usual, letting her mouth run off as he had called her from the X Factor house. When she finally paused to breathe, to let Louis speak, his usually confident voice was more than a little shaky.  
  
"Mum?" His voice was soft and he hesitated for several heartbeats before he took a steadying breath and in that very second, Johanna knew exactly where this was going. Knew exactly what was about to be said.

  
"Yes, love?" She sat down in her favourite armchair, pulling an old rugged pillow into her lap. The other children were all asleep, maybe save for Lottie who should have been asleep already but were probably still up, chatting online with her friends about something or other. "Is everything alright?" Her voice was gentle even as her heart started beating a little faster, thudding a violent beat against her throat. She wondered how hard Louis' heart must be beating right now.  
  
"Mum, if I... Maybe had something to tell you? I think I've sort of known something for a while, but I wasn't sure and I didn't want to-" he took a shuddering breath. "I want to tell you something. There is something I need to tell you."  
  
"Sure, love, anything. I'm always here for you, you know that."  
  
"You might be angry, though." His voice, usually so brash and full of confidence, sounded small, scared and young now. "Like, really mad." She wished so badly that she could have been where he was at this moment, or that he could have been there, in the safety of their house, with the secure sense of family around him, the smell of home in his nose, the sight of familiar walls and a cup of his favourite tea in his hands. Instead he was a long way away, by himself, and he was probably terrified right now. But he was growing up, chasing after his dreams over in London, and she couldn't ever have ever been prouder.  
  
"I'm sure I won't. Nothing could make me love you any less, you're my son, and I love you and will support you no matter what." She clasped a hand to her chest, just over her heart.

 _'Just say it, love. It'll be such a relief for you, finally,'_ she thought to herself.  
  
"Mum, I think I-" another sharp intake of breath. "No. I mean, I've known for a while that... I'm actually gay." Silence followed for a short moment, and Johannah had mentally prepared for this moment, not because she minded but because Louis had tried so hard to be just like everyone else, tried so hard to be the funny one rather than the flamboyant one, he hadn't wanted this, he'd gone from one girlfriend to the next... And now that he told her she was so relieved that he'd started to accept it that she forgot all her prepared speeches about how it didn't matter, how she could never stop loving him, how she was so proud of him. A tear slipped from one of her eyes. A slightly wrecked sob escaped her lips.

  
"Mum? What's-" Louis' panicked voice shook her back on track. "Mum, are you- are you crying? I'm sorry, forget I-" he fumbled with something on the other end, it sounded like a zipper being pulled up and down frantically. "We'll just, please let's just forget I said anything, it doesn't matter! It's not all that important, really, I-"  
  
"Oh, Louis, of course it matters!" Johannah dried her eyes with the sleeve of her top. "Of course I'm not mad, or disappointed! How could I ever be any of those with you?"  
  
"But I-"  
  
"You're my son. I love you so much. I am just so happy you feel comfortable enough to tell me, that you trust me. I'm so sorry I made you think I didn't, because I will never stop loving you. Being gay won't ever change that, you are still my son, you're still Louis."  
  
It was Louis turn to breathe shakily from the other end of the receiver. "Thank you. It feels strange, to say it out loud. I think I've know for a while but... I tried to hide it. I didn't want to be... Gay. But then there... Mum, there's this person and I think I kind of-" he trailed of.  
  
_Harry._ Of course it is Harry. Johanna had met him a few times, and she had seen him, she had seen them on the telly. It was so obvious. And if Johanna wasn't mistaken completely, it was likely the feeling was mutual. Harry might like Louis back.  
  
"Are you in love with him?"  
  
A sigh. "I think I might be. Yes, I think I am."  
  
"You need to break up with Hannah."  
  
"I know. I already did. She seems okay with it, I was probably a kind of shit boyfriend to her anyway."  
  
"Language, darling." She couldn't help but smile  
  
"Yeah, sorry."  
  
"This person that you like, do they... Does he know?"  
  
"No, I've been trying to not let it show. He's really popular here too, and I don't stand a chance anyway, so it doesn't really matter"  
  
"Are you sure? He might be interested." From what Johannah had seen, Harry had seemed just about as subtle as the pink elephant in the room, how hadn't Louis noticed?  
  
"Nah, I'm sure he likes girls. He... I'm happy to be his friend." He sighed. "Really."  
  
A moment of silence passed between them before Louis spoke again. "Mum, are you... Are you sure you're okay with this? Isn't it... Aren't you upset?"

“Why would I be? It's who you like, not who you are.” Her voice was a little wobbly, but she was slowly reigning in her emotions, needing to be strong for her son now, especially when she heard the broken sob on the other end of the phone.

  
“Louis, don't cry, love. It doesn't define you. I'm so happy you told me, I'm so happy you found someone you like. And I'm sure he likes you too, how could he not? You're you. And... And even if he doesn't, you'll find someone else.” She heard him blow his nose. She was so proud of him she thought her heart might actually burst out of her chest.  
  
“Thanks, mum. I… I was so worried. I didn't know what I'd do if you'd-”  
  
“Young man, don't even finish that sentence. That would never happen, and you know that for sure, deep down. I'm always here for you. Just like you've always been for me. You and me-” She started their catchphrase, the one they'd used ever since he was little, ever since he was still climbing up her lap to cuddle up against her. His reply came fast and with a much less broken tone than before.  
  
“Against the world.”

\- - -

_**December 2010.  
** _ _Before the first meeting with Simon Cowell outside X Factor._

 

They had just gotten together. Or, rather, they'd just announced to the other boys that they're together. Told them it had happened after the X Factor finale, and Liam was thrilled for them, he really truly was but...  
  
"Lads!" He groaned. "Tone it down a notch, won't you?" They'd get in trouble, for goodness sake. Liam had a feeling in his gut saying this wouldn't end well.  
  
Harry only giggled as Louis was draped all over him on the sofa, hands everywhere, everywhere, everywhere.  
  
"Why?" Louis sat up, still straddling Harry's hips and there was a frankly obnoxious smirk on his lips and Liam was usually pretty mellow but he was worried damn it, and he wanted to wipe it off. This was serious, damn it.  
  
Liam pulled a hand through his hair in frustration. "Because anyone could come in and we agreed to not let people know about this yet. If Simon knew he'd-"  
  
"I'm sure uncle Simon already knows." Louis leaned down, a calculated look in his eyes, his eyes fixed on Harry who squirmed under him, his eyes slightly glossy and his cheeks rosy pink.  
  
"He knows everything." Niall nodded seriously, a can of pepsi in one hand and a bag of crisps in his lap. "I'm pretty sure he's psychic."  
  
"Yeah, but-" Liam was interrupted by Harry's happy laughter as Louis finally leaned down to lick at one of his dimples. "We're happy for you, but what if someone on the team isn't? I'm sorry but I think you have to lay low for a little while... Just for a few months, maybe?"  
  
"But why would anyone even care?" Harry frowned a little at him, a genuine question in his eyes and Liam's heart clenched a little. Harry could be so innocent, and Liam felt a responsibility to him, an urge to protect him from harm, even though there wasn't much difference in age at all. The world could be harsh and Liam wasn't certain that Harry knew that yet, since Harry's family was so open minded and Liam wasn't even sure what Harry labelled himself as because it was so obviously didn't matter to him in the slightest. He wasn't sure Harry had fully grasped how cruel the rest of the world could be just over the fact that a boy liked another boy. Louis knew very well, however, and even if he hadn't had a problem to tell the other boys whatsoever it was pretty obvious that he was in absolutely no hurry to be open with their relationship. And that's why they all had agreed to try and keep it secret for at least a little while.

Save for the fact that there had just been a massive make out session going on on top of the very official looking sofa in the very official looking waiting room in this very official looking office building.  
  
And in just five minutes they would be called in, and there might be the whole future riding on this meeting with Simon and what might be (be-still-my-beating-heart) their future recording label. Liam felt his palms sweating, and he wiped them on his trousers.  
  
He saw in the corner of his eyes how Louis had untangled himself from Harry's lap, and how they were both pulling hands through their hair, trying to fix it.

They looked a bit ruffled, their lips suspiciously red and swollen, but their overall appearance was becoming more and more presentable by the second. Liam breathed a sigh of relief- there was absolutely nothing he wanted more than this.

Despite his dismissal earlier, Louis' lips were set in a thin, professional line and when his eyes met Liam's, he nodded seriously as the secretary called out “One Direction”, as she opened the big oak door into Simon's office.

 

\- - -

 

**January 2011  
** _Holmes Chapel, Twist-Styles household._

  
When Anne met Louis that rainy, dreary January afternoon, she could see how nervous he was. It was frankly hilarious- especially since they had actually met many many times before and she truly did like him already. But this, this was different. He wasn't just 'one of the lads' now, he wasn't just Harry's friend. Harry had introduced him as his boyfriend this time, had asked to bring his _boyfriend_ over for dinner and that, that was different.  
  
Louis was wearing a pale blue shirt that he had obviously tried to iron to perfection even though some of the creases were still visible, and his pants were newly pressed. He was dressed to impress, for sure, and she appreciated the effort even though it was hardly needed.  
  
Of course she might have been a bit concerned that first time when Harry called and told her he had a crush on Louis. Of course she had known about it already, because _mothers always know,_ and even though Harry didn't know yet back then, it was definitely mutual, it was so easy to see that Louis liked her son back just as much as Harry liked him. And 16 and 18 is quite the big difference in her eyes- the younger you are, the more age matters. You grow a lot in those two years between sixteen and eighteen after all. Naturally she worried, because _that's what mothers do_ but still she had felt cautiously hopeful. Louis was a nice boy, a good lad. And she had known from the very beginning that he was in love with her son. She had known it even before either of the two boys knew, even.  
  
And now here they were, the first dinner in the household since Louis had been announced as a partner rather than a friend. Harry seemed completely oblivious to Louis' discomfort, he kept reaching out to grab onto Louis arm, or initiating holding his hand. Louis always leaned into the touches, as as if it were in his nature to do so, or held Harry's hand back, but every time he seemed to sneak a guilty look up at Anne, who pretended not to notice. Gemma, on the other hand, were having a field day, constantly frowning at him, or staring openly with a serious expression on her face. Anne very nearly burst a vein holding her laughter when Gemma had crossed her arms over her chest, leaned forward to lean on the tabletop as she queried. "So, Louis. What's your intentions with my little brother? Why should I trust you with him? You are older than him after all."  
  
Anne found it even funnier when Louis' eyebrow twitched in a slightly panicked move, as he sat up straighter and pulled his hand from Harry's grasp, "Um, my- er," he started just as Harry groaned loudly, putting his face in his hands.  
  
"Gems, stop freaking him out." Harry turned to Anne. "Mum, tell her!"  
  
"Actually, I would really like to know myself. Are your intentions honourable?" Anne's nose twitched, despite her best try at keeping a serious face.  
  
Louis wide eyes turned from Gemma to Anne, obviously very distressed as he then turned to Harry, desperate for help, before he turned his attention back to Anne again.  
  
Then Gemma snorted, right into her glass of water. "Oh God, his face!" She put her face down against her arms, to stifle the worst of her laughter. Opposite her, Harry looked slightly horrified for a few seconds, hi cheeks pink as he started laughing too, as Louis still seemed slightly confused, vaguely frightened, but soon working it out that they're only messing with him and then slowly relaxing more and more in his seat, his lips twitching into an amused quirk.  
  
Through his laughter, Harry managed, "That was so mean! I can't believe you'd even do that, I'm bringing him here as my boyfriend for the first time, and you do that!" He latched onto Louis' hand with his own. "I'm sorry Lou, I didn't think they'd do that! The women in this family are a bit-"  
  
"Gorgeous and hilarious; the best of both worlds!" Gemma cut in before Harry could finish. By now Louis was fully smiling in his seat, seeming to relax more and more. It was better to see him smile again. Even if it indeed was fun to tease them.  
  


\- - -  
  


_**March 2011.  
**_ Doncaster.  
  
Stan had always been Louis' best friend. They knew everything about each other and they did everything together. And then one day he had brought Harry home to Doncaster with him and everything had suddenly felt different. Harry and Louis had inside jokes. They kept giggling together. They sat close together in the two seater in Louis' mum's living room, leaving Stan to sit on the beanbag on the floor by himself.  
  
It was only natural things turned rather tense.  
  
Stan rather liked Harry, he seemed like a good enough person, and he was fun, but there were just… something. He was a decent guy, he guessed, but there was just something… Louis was somehow different when Harry was around. Stan and Louis, it had always been them getting up to no good, together, always them being silly and ridiculous and creating mayhem. They had always been the centre of attention, both good and bad – their classmates adored them, while their teachers hated them, thought they were no-good brats.  
  
Stan could even remember that one time that geography teacher had stood up in a rage fit and told Louis that he would never ever amount to anything. That he was looking a dark future in the eye.  
  
Stanley had laughed at it at first, but then he had seen that Louis had seemed genuinely affected by it. Almost upset. He'd been quiet for days after that, mulling it over and over, telling Stan things like how he would show her, that he'd become rich and famous and then he would laugh in her face. He would show her.  
  
And well, indeed he had.  
  
Louis was in one of the most popular bands in the world now, and Stanley thought they hadn't even reached their peak yet, that they still had a long way to go. Him and the other lads had teased Louis at first, about being in _a_ _bloody_ _boyband, that's so gay,_ _Tommo_ _!_ and about the whole X factor thing in general, but for once Louis hadn't seemed overly concerned by their teasing. He'd just smiled at them, or hit them on the head with a laugh, saying that yes, he's in a boyband, and yes, he's proud of it because they're brilliant, and he's having a blast. And they're a cool boyband, so it hardly even counts as a boyband.  


Everyone had stopped teasing him petty quickly after that, especially when they saw the success they were making, taking not only Britain, but the world, by storm. And so soon, too.  
  
And now here he was, home for the first weekend in ages, and he was pretty much the same as always – still just as fussy with his hair, still loud, still funny, still Stan's very best friend in the world.  
  
But it also seemed like Louis had a new best friend. Harry Styles.  
  
Stan had seen him on so many pictures, and especially in so many pictures with Louis, that he'd lost count. They seemed so close that it was borderline ridiculous. They were touching _all the time._ It wasn't normal, wasn't it. _  
  
_ Stan had wondered about Louis for a while. For a long while, actually. Whenever the others were chatting about girls, Louis joined in, but he never initiated it. Instead he shied away for it as much as he could, never engaging in it, never seemed very into it. It might be because he was shy, of course, but… Louis was never shy. Not about anything.  
And there was the way Louis refused to even look up at anyone in the shower after football practice, pointedly looking down to the floor even as he was engaging in the usual banter as if afraid to give anyone any reason for speculation.  
  
It wasn't anything about the kind of person Louis was, Stan had an uncle who was gay, and he was one of the best persons in his life, so he wouldn't have a problem with it. But Louis didn't mention it, so Stan didn't ask.  
  
And, besides, Louis is with Hannah, so…  
  
“I'll head up and get something to drink, do you guys want anything?” Harry stood up from the sofa where he'd been lying down reading a book while Stan and Louis were playing Fifa on the play station in the living room of Louis' house.  
  
“A pepsi, please. Oh, and would you mind making me a cuppa?” Louis paused the game and looked up at Harry as he came up to him and reached out a hand. It was as if Louis wasn't even aware of doing it, it seemed to come as easy as breathing – if Harry was close, he immediately reached out for him. This time he touched a hand to his hip, the gentlest of touches. Harry smiled down at him.  
  
Stanley cleared his throat, and the other two looked at him instead. “A pepsi's fine for me too. Thanks, mate.” He looked back at the telly pointedly, but saw in the corner of his eyes how Louis' hand fell away rather quickly from Harry's waist.  
  
“Sure thing.” Harry rushed up the stairs at the same time as Louis started the game again.  
  
They played in silence for a minute before Stan spoke. “So, Harry seems fun.”  
  
“Really?”  
  
“Yes, really. Why?” Their eyes were both glued to the telly, Louis just perfecting a feint, and let him go straight for Stan's goalie. Stan saved, and the game was back on.  
  
“Nothing, really. You just seemed rather, well, like you to haven't really talked much, have you?” Louis shrugged one shoulder. “But, yeah, he's great, actually.”  
  
“You seem to really get along.”  
  
Louis glanced over at him for a short second, and it was enough for him to lose the ball to Stan's team just as he was about to go for the goal. “Yeah.” He paused and cursed under his breath over his lost score. “We do. We just clicked from the start, you know.” His lips were pinched, and his brows were furrowed. “It's a tense environment, and it's nice to have people around who understands.”  
  
“I guess.” Stan didn't mean to act like a shit, but he needed to get it out. “I just didn't realize that you being on X Factor would end in you getting a new best friend.”  
  
Louis almost dropped his control. “What? What do you mean?”  
  
“Nothing, I'm just saying that you spend all your time with him, and now that you're finally home you still brought him here. What about us, all of your friends here? Are we not good enough now that we can't understand how problematic it is to have money and success and fans screaming your name after you every bloody where you go?”  
  
“That's not what I mean, that's bloody unfair.” Louis paused the game and turned to look at him. His eyes were flashing dangerously, and Stan felt the fight drain out of him right away.  
  
“Yeah, okay, I know. Sorry. I know that. I guess, all of us, we just missed you. And you spend ALL your time with him. Is it true you're moving in together? Did you really buy a flat in London? Your mum told my mum and...”  
  
Louis mouth was hanging open. “I...” he pulled a hand through his fringe, a clear sign of stress. “Well, yeah, we are, but that doesn't really mean that I'm forgetting about you guys or that I-”  
  
“Why did you and Hannah break up?” Stan suddenly said. He wanted the truth, damn it. “Aren't we good enough anymore?”  
  
“Of course you are! You're being ridiculous, you know that's not at all what it's about.”  
  
“Then what's it about? Do you like them more than us?”  
  
“It's not the same, you're my friends, they're my friends, I don't have to choose who I should hang out with. I'm home now, and I'm hanging out with you.”  
  
“And you brought your new best friend, even to this.”  
  
“Stan, that's-” Louis licked his lips.  
  
“What's the deal with you two, anyway? Can't you be away from each other for even a weekend? You've spent almost every single day together ever since you were put in that blasted band.”  
  
“That blasted band is the best thing that's ever happened to me, watch your mouth. I can help mum with the money I make and I could even buy a flat in London, and yeah, I've got fans, and it's bloody amazing. You can't judge me for that. Because I'm not forgetting any of you back home. Not at all.” Louis was glaring daggers at him, his hands squeezing the controller so hard his fingers were turning white.  
  
“I know, I know, it's just… I thought we were best friends.”  
  
“We are!”  
  
“Yet here you couldn't even spend just a few hours with me without bringing him!”  
  
“I _wanted_ to bring him this weekend, he's-” Louis paused. “You're my best friend, of course you are, but so is he, but it's different with him.” The fight seemed to leave Louis now too. “He's… Stan, he's different.” Louis looked up at Stan now, and his eyes were wide and worried, almost frightened. “Stan, he's my… we're together. Like, we're not just friends.”  
  
And so, there. The secret is out. That secret thing that Stan had suspected and wondered about, that thing that he had wondered why his best friend in the world hadn't dared to entrust him with. That thing that had probably been eating at Louis for years.  
  
“I'm sorry.” Louis hung his head.  
  
Stan blinked. “What?”  
  
“For, you know. I wanted to tell you, but it hasn't… well, it's a bit new, sort of. And it's difficult, I wasn't sure how to tell any of you guys because of some stuff and… well, he's my… boyfriend.” He bit his lip, chewed at it behind his upper lip, worrying at it again and again.  
  
“Louis, that doesn't matter.” Stan looked away. It was difficult, this sort of thing. They didn't really talk about _feelings. “_ You're my best mate and, well, if you're happy, well, you know. I'm happy too.”  
  
“You're my best mate.” Louis was mumling, still looking down at his feet planted on the foor.  
  
“Thanks. I wasn't really jealous, it was just… he seems great, really, he does. And I am happy you have someone who understands all those things you talked about, since I can't be of much help there, since as far as I know there are no fans sleeping on my doorstep-”  
  
“That only happened once!” Louis protested, with a laugh. “And that wasn't even me or Harry, that was Liam. His poor mum almost got a heart attack when she went out for the paper in the morning.”  
  
They both laughed at that, and when they sobered up again, the tension was almost entirely gone.  
  
“I'm sorry for what I said. I know you're not abandoning us. I just got a little weird. It's so strange, everything about this. You're just you, but I keep seeing you on the telly, and you're going all these places and people are sending ME friends requests on facebook, asking me about you. It's really strange. I almost forgot how to act around you.”  
  
“Nothing's changed, mate. I'm the same.”  
  
“Some things changed.”  
  
“If you're talking about Harry, I'm… I don't know how to talk about it yet. As I said, it's… new. Quite new. And not many know about it, we've been told to keep it down, try to be careful with who we tell, it's bad for our careers, apparently.”  
  
“I can't believe you've got a _career._ “ Stan huffed out a laugh, shaking his head. “Oh, you have to call our teacher and laugh in her face! Can I be there when you do it?” Stan perked up as Louis laughed.  
  
“Shut up. I've thought about it, but I'm gonna try to be the bigger person here.”  
  
“Fuck off, you're just waiting to get richer to buy an expensive car and go burning around her neighbourhood, aren't you?”  
  
They laughed again.  
  
“Maybe.” Louis shrugged. “Anyway… Stan, please don't tell anyone about me and Harry? As I said, management asked us to be careful, it's in our contracts, we're not allowed to do certain things and, well, we don't want to ruin anything for the band.”  
  
“Yeah, sure. Of course I won't. Who'd I tell anyway?”  
  
“Maybe one of those stalker you've got on facebook now, hmm? Mister popular.”  
  
“Fuck off.”  
  
They were just starting a jostling match, giggling as they did, just as the door from downstairs opened and shut, and Harry came in the room with three cans of pepsi, a steaming cup of tea, and a packet of jaffa bisquits. “I found bisquits!” He called happily, tearing the pack open happily as he had put all the drinks down.  
  
“Thanks.” Stan said picking up his drink, as Louis immediately grabbed the teacup and cradling in between his hands to take a sip. After the first drink he gave a happy sigh.  
  
Stan blinked.  
  
“Wow.”  
  
“What?” Louis looked over at him, his mouth hidden behind the rim of the cup.  
  
“That's mental.” Stan suddenly grinned.  
  
“You really do like each other _a lot,_ don't you?” He smirked. “He even knows how to make your snobby-ass tea properly?” He looked over at Harry with a smile, his first genuine one aimed at the younger boy. “Louis is the worst tea snob I know, he won't let anyone touch his cups. Always makes them himself, and when he doesn't, he complains for hours about how it didn't seep enough, or how the water should go in first, and milk or no milk, I don't even fucking know.”

“It's… bag first, and then water on top of it. And a dash of milk.” Harry said, shyly.

“You see!” Stan shook his head at them, fondly. “Case in fucking point!”  
  
Louis smiled sheepishly, even as Harry looked at him with a hesitant smile. “Yeah, I guess?”

  
“I told him.” Louis said for explanation. “He knows.” He shrugged.  
  
“Oh.” Harry looked from Louis to Stan and back to Louis again. “Is everything… alright?” His concern for Louis shone through, even though Stan could tell that he was happy about Louis having told him the truth. He could imagine how draining it must be to hide that kind of secret.  
  
“Yeah, it's fine.” Stan nodded. “Of course it is. We're best mates.”  
  
Harry smiled. “Yeah, I know.”

 

\- - -

 

_**Late spring 2011.  
** Modest management. _

  
"It's turning into a problem." The executive manager said seriously to the faces gathered around the small table. Their new gold cow, One Direction were turning out to be quite problematic. Or rather, the relationship between two of the young members were turning into a problem.

They were too young, obviously they had no idea what they were doing, or what was best for them. It was time for management to step in and do something about it.  
  
“We have scheduled a meeting with Harry and Louis tomorrow afternoon.” One of the A&R assistants spoke up, flipping through one of his papers. He was young, quite new at the job, and he looked nervous.  
  
“Did you tell them what the meeting will be about? Did you tell them about our… concerns?”  
  
“I did not. Though they did seem to be wondering why there will be a meeting with just the two of them, without the rest of the band.”  
  
“Bullshit.” Simon Cowell shook his head, taking a sip from a water glass. “They know very well what it's about. They've been told again and again to tone it down, their,” he raised his hands and made air-quotes, “ _friendship_.” He shook his head. “It's bad for sales, and it is bad for their image as idols. They're setting themselves up for ruin. In the long run it could even be bad for Syco and me, and we can in no way let that happen.”  
  
The account executive cleared her throat. “That may be the case, but it also seems like their friendship, as you call it, has a rather large following. I don't think it is all bad.”  
  
“It will be, when their fans finds out that it is more than a fantasy. They should be eligible, and they should appeal to their young female fans as a top priority. This 'Larry Stylinson' business will be sure to come shoot them in the foot if it goes on any longer.” Simon spoke again. “I've been in the business for so long, I know what works, and what does not.” Simon waved a hand in the air. “It is one thing to think about it, a secret fantasy. But if the two were to, say, walk around outside holding hands that would be a whole other matter. Parents would be upset, young girls devastated and we can in no way let that happen.”  
  
The A &R assistant spoke again. “Are we sure about it being an entirely bad thing, though? It seems like the boys are happy, and you rarely see this kind of friendships within a created band, these kinds of things rarely works out this well. They all seem fairly close.”  
  
“Mister…” Simon pointedly looked down in his papers, made a show of not knowing the A&R's name. “Ah, Jones. Mister Jones. You're fairly new here, am I right? Which is why I will let this slide, for this time. You must understand how this business work. To be popular with the demographic, in this case young girls, there needs to be a certain element of, what shall I call it… cheeky innocence. They all live up to that, quite naturally. But there are also other factors. They need to appear open, they need to be like the boy-next-door. There needs to be a certain element of hope – the possibility of the boys meeting the girls and falling in love. This is the classic scenario, the image we're trying to build. This will be completely ruined if it comes out that two of them are together. It is unheard of before, and it will certainlynot start here today, not with my band.”  
  
“I...” Jones opened his mouth, but was silenced by a look from Simon. “I understand. I didn't realize, my apologies.”  
  
“No harm done, it's quite alright.” Simon smiled again, before taking another sip of water.  
  
“We will tell Mister Styles and Mister Tomlinson about our new arrangement during the meeting. After that we also have another meeting scheduled with Liam Payne, where he will be informed as the new setting.” The brand manager looked around himself. “He will be asked to keep his bandmates in order, and he is so very eager to please the young lad, he will jump on the opportunity, I'm sure. That is our very next bet, since I have been reliably informed that we apparently can not forbid the lads from participating in this little... fling they've got going on.” He huffed out a laughter, and almost everyone around him joined in.  
  
“So, we're done for today, then.” Simon clasped his hands together. “I don't think this will be a continuing problem. They have no idea what they really want, who does when you're a teenager. In a few years they'll thank us for not letting a silly little affair ruin their whole careers. Now, who wants a cuppa?”

  
\- - -

_**  
September 2011.** _

_Sugarscape interview_

  
"Lou? Can I give you a blow job?"  
  
Harry had sounded so innocent and the question – request? - was spoken so quietly and timidly that Liam almost didn't think Harry had said what he though he heard him say. Liam prayed for Niall to keep his composure and just keep talking, talking, talking to the Sugarscape reporter since he was the one being interviewed right now, the other ones outside of the current radar of the microphone and the cameras, so he glanced over and... Nope. Nope, nope. Niall was grinning at them like a freaking lunatic and Liam wanted to curse. They were supposed to be discreet damn it!  
  
Liam could feel a headache coming on already, and it was only lunchtime. He pressed a hand to his temple and tried to force back a smile as he looked back up again.  
  
It was so difficult, such a frustrating situation. Of course they should be together, of course Liam was happy for them but... Their management had asked them to hide their relationship so why were they trying even harder to be as bloody obvious as they could? Liam tried to signal with his eyes to Louis to ignore it, let it slide, but Harry was grinning at him, a dimple popping and Louis had a challenging eyebrow quirked in Liam's direction for just a split second, he was such a bloody shit, before he turned to Harry and in a loud enough whisper to be heard by every single person in the room, Louis smiled, "I'd love it if you just wait."  
  
Harry beamed, Louis smirked and Liam cursed once again silently in his mind. Damn it, management would be sure to call him within the hour, again, to ask him to keep two of his best friends in check and he was getting sick and tired of it. For some reason he'd been the one assigned to keep watch on the other lads in general, and Harry and Louis in particular. The other lads knew it as well.  
  
Liam had been honoured at first. He'd thought, wow, management trusts him the most out of everyone, trusts him to do his job proper and right. He'd been so happy, telling his dad how great it was, how out of all of them _he_ was the one they trusted the most.  
  
Now he mostly just felt let down and as if he would rather not run be rattling out his best friends to anyone. Not tell on his friends to adults who should know better than to ask that of someone who was hardly more than a teenager.  
  
He'd need to talk to the other lads about it before it would create a rift in the band. A rift in their friendship. To even imagine losing any of the other four as his friend hurt to think about. He looked over at all of them, as there was now a break in the interviews, most of them up and about, gathering snacks or drinks. Zayn was on the phone in a corner of the room and Niall seemed to peculiarly enough inspect a huge potted plant standing in the middle of the room, pulling at one of the big leaves. Liam stayed seated, putting his head in his hands and sighing deeply. Just a moment of respite, just a second or two.  
  
He used to be so lonely, wishing more than anything for friends of his own, friends he could talk to about anything with, the way he'd seen his classmates do when he was younger. How they had had their own inside jokes, ones that no one outside their clique knew about, how they helped each other out, always had each others back. He never had that before, but now that he did he was suddenly terrified he would lose them if this continued. He pulled a hand through his hair, frustrated, then pulled it over his face, pinching at the bridge of his nose. He couldn't keep trying to control his friends. No. He wouldn't do it.  
  
Liam looked around at this group of people, these four lads that had so quickly become such a huge part of his life. He let out a shaky breath, and blinked at the wetness in his eyes as the memories of such a lonely childhood threatened to take over him. Nonono, he told himself, no crying. Not here. He wouldn't ever be that embarrassing, not in front of the other boys.  
  
"You okay?" Liam sat bolt upright as a soft voice spoke next to him. Louis.  
  
He sat down right next to Liam, their thighs touching. "Here, take this." Louis handed him a water bottle, before unscrewing the cork on another one and taking a sip. "Mustn't forget to drink, Payno. It's hot out."  
  
Liam took the bottle in hands that were just barely shaking. "Yeah, I. Yeah. Thanks."  
  
"Are you alright?" Louis peeked at him for a second. "I'm-" he looked away again, taking a deep breath through his nose. "Are we making things difficult for you?"  
  
Liam stared at him, his mouth hanging open. Louis was so rarely serious, especially around Liam. If anything, Louis rather seemed to try supremely hard to create mayhem whenever Liam was around.  
  
"You- what?" Liam's eyebrows went up as far as they could, just below his hairline. "What are you talking about?"  
  
"You-" Louis sighed, and then turned to look at him fully. "You just seemed very upset just now. I'm sorry if it's my fault... Or our fault. I know we promised to, you know, whatever. It's easy to forget it might affect you lads too, this, yeah, this thing." Louis looked more sincere than Liam had ever seen him before, and he was stunned silent for several moments, making Louis fidget in his chair before opening his mouth again.  
  
"Look, I'm sorry alright. I don't mean for anyone to get upset, and I know they told you to keep me and Harry in check or whatever, and we just wanted to have a bit of fun. I know you think I'm a bit much," Louis gave a self-conscious huff of a laughter accompanied by a hand scratching at his own neck, before he continued. "But I don't mean to make things difficult for you. I genuinely don't." Louis stared at him, and a treacherous tear did spill over onto Liam's cheek, making Louis' eyes turn wider in alarm  
  
"Oh, shit-" he whispered, seemingly not knowing what to do. "Liam, I'm sorry, please." He lowered his voice to a hushed but slightly frantic whisper. "Liam, Harry's obviously not going to give me a blow job! Well, not here at least, not in front of all these people! Don't worry okay, it was just banter!" He hovered a moment with his hand in the air, hesitating, before putting it around Liam's shoulder. "I'm sorry?" He repeated again.  
  
Liam snorted out a surprised laughter at that. "Not here?" He couldn't help but giggle, even despite the seriousness of the situation. "I'd bloody well hope so, none of us wants to see that!" He laughed more.  
  
Louis seemed at a loss for a moment before, "Why're you laughing?"  
  
"Because-" Liam wiped at his face, but it was only that single tear that had escaped. "Because I was going to apologize to you?"  
  
"To me?"  
  
"Yeah, because it's.. It's crap that I should even be trying to keep a look out for what you do. I can't... I can't do that. Not to my friends."  
  
Louis squinted at him. "But." He swallowed. "You don't like me. Like, I annoy you."  
  
"What?"  
  
"I'm too much? You think so, don't you? You said so."  
  
"You ARE rather a lot, Louis!” Liam flushed a bit at the admission. “But you're still my friend. One of my best friends. At least for my part." He hesitated, and they had to look away from each other for a few moments before either of them spoke again.  
  
Liam spoke first. "Look, I know we don't always agree on things and that we haven't always gotten along. But of course you're my friend. And I hope I can be yours too, even if you think I'm boring or a goody-two-shoes or something." He sighed. "I was going to apologize because I'm sorry I've been giving you a hard time and not sticking up to you in front of management. I actually am happy for you and Harry."  
  
"Yeah?" Louis smiled. "I'm... Yeah. Thanks, mate." He swiped his artful fringe back with two fingers  
  
"Yeah. Like, I can act as a meddler, I can try covering for you in interviews or whatever, but I won't do this any more, not like they want me to. It can't be my job to tell you what to do. All of you are my mates."  
  
"Thank you." The soft spoken words made Liam smile. Louis apparently did have a more serious side to him.  
  
"I'm happy you're not crying anymore. I hate it when people cry." Louis smiled just a bit sheepishly. "I hate if.. If I'm the one who made them cry."  
  
"It... I wasn't exactly crying!" Liam protested.  
  
"Sure thing, Payno." A quick version of the shit eating grin eased it's way back on Louis' face.  
  
"No! I wasn't!" Liam couldn't help but laugh. "I was just feeling a bit overwhelmed."  
  
They sat in silence for a few minutes, sipping from their bottles.  
  
"So it doesn't... Bother you, then?" Louis pointedly looked forward, looking anywhere but at Liam and spoke softly, so much so that Liam wasn't sure he'd actually spoken at all.  
  
"What?"  
  
"Me and Harry?" He cleared his throat. "That we're, you know, together. Like that."  
  
"No.” Liam raised his eyebrows in surprise. “Why would it?" He cocked his head to the side.  
  
Louis snorted, and it was his turn to raise his brows now. "Are you joking? Because it bothers a lot of people. Obviously."  
  
"Not me. I'm happy for you. It wasn't that much of a surprise, to be honest." Liam smiled gently at him  
  
"What? Why? Is it because I'm-"  
  
"It's because you two've been all over each other from day one, Louis." Zayn suddenly appeared behind the two of them and sat down. "I'm sorry for eavesdropping, I didn't mean to. You just looked so serious and I got worried that you two were fighting again so I walked over to meddle and I happened to hear what you said." Zayn popped a crisp into his mouth. "None of us were surprised. We're happy for you. None of us would be the type to mind that you're together like that, bro.”  
  
Louis slumped a little in his seat. "Well. That's good, then."  
  
"Keep the public blow jobs to a minimum and I for one will be very supportive!" Niall suddenly appeared behind them with a giggling Harry at his tail.  
  
"I'm sorry if I stressed you out too much, Liam. I was just trying to make Lou laugh." Harry scratched his chin with the back of his hand, just as their assistant called out for them to get ready for the next part of the interviews. They all scattered about, Niall heading for the loo, Zayn heading back to the snacks table for a refill, and Louis and Harry standing close together in a corner of the room. Louis' hand was resting on Harry's lower arm, and Harry was smiling at him as if he'd hung the actual moon. Liam's heart swelled at the sight of them. Louis' usually mischievous expression was soft, his smile so very gentle as he said something that made Harry rise onto his tiptoes, making it seem as if he couldn't contain his happiness, as if he would actually start floating off of the ground at any given second, his smile absolutely delighted. Louis smiled back, and then his gaze darted around the room once, twice- his eyes met Liam's for a quick second and Liam smiled encouragingly, nodding at him. He watched how Louis rose to his tiptoes and pressed his mouth to Harry's lips, a quick close-mouthed kiss, and then they separated with the softest of smiles, like it was only them left in this world and as if they couldn't even be bothered to see where everyone else had gone.  
  
That's when Liam decided. He would support these boys, all four of them, with everything he's got for as long as he's allowed, and he would protect them fiercely and he would do so differently than how he'd been asked to do it earlier. He would protect them no matter what.

\- - -

_**April 2012.  
** _ _Wellington._

He probably wasn't supposed to see what was going on at the other end of the room, but he couldn't help it. It was rather difficult to unsee, actually.

If anything, he was immensely surprised there didn't seem to be anyone else at the bar who seemed to have noticed how there were two internationally famous members of a popular boyband in their bar right at this very moment.

Two boyband members who were currently draped all over each other, and even if they weren't kissing they weren't far from it, either. They were incredibly drunk, both of them, and one of them was quite loud and raucous as he was standing around doing shot after shot and then shouting nonsense at one second, to be curled closely to the other one in the very next moment.  
  
They weren't annoying, not yet at least, and they were mostly keeping to themselves, but as he was pouring drink after drink to his customers at the bar he kept seeing them in the corner of his eyes, and he couldn't help but worry a bit for them. He had a sneaking suspicion that they probably weren't suppose to be acting this way in public. Being drunk is one thing, and they were of age (he had checked as soon as they came in and bought their first drinks) and that was all fine and dandy but to have two young popstars, two male popstars from the same band not far from making out by their table maybe wasn't exactly what they were meant to be doing just no.  
  
And at exactly this moment he saw a group of young men by the end of the bar, heard the tail end of the words “One Directions”, and “fag”, and then saw one of them angling their camera phones up at them and…  
  
Nope.  
  
He went up to their end of the bar. “Can I give you gents anything else?”  
  
“Nah, we're good.” One of them said just as he pressed record on his phone.  
  
“Mate.” He picked up a rag and started wiping the bar disk just beside the men. “Mates?” He spoke louder and they turned to watch him. “D'ya have permission to record them?”  
  
“Well, no, but-”  
  
“Then I'll ask you nicely to put the phone away, please. They're here in private and I don't think they want to get filmed right now. So, be good lads and put the phones away, okay?”  
  
“Why d'you even care?”  
  
“It's my bar.” He smiled at them. “It's my bar and I want all my customers to feel comforable here. You and them. So I ask you again, to put the phones away.”  
  
“What's in it for us then?”  
  
“Nothing whatsoever.”  
  
“You're not treating us to a beer for doing as we're told?” The man put his phone back in his pocket.”  
  
“No, but I'll be glad to pour you one if you pay for it.” He went back to the tap. “A draft one?”  
  
“Yeah, sure. Make it two.” The men all turned away from the two youngsters that were currently clinging to each other tightly and put their attentions to their orders.  
  
“No, make it three! And peanuts too!”  
  
  
“Coming right up!” He laughed at them and saw through the corner of his eyes how the shorter one from the band was now gripping onto the curly one's hair and as their lips met swiftly, he hoped against all odds that no one else was noticing, for their own sake.  
  
Ah, to be young and stupid. And in love.  
  


\- - -   
  


_**Spring 2012.**_  
_Ed Sheeran's apartment._

Harry and Louis had just left a couple of hours ago. They were finally able to catch up after several months on the road, their schedules never managing to work around each other, but for once they were finally in the same continent, same country, even the same city. 

  
They were _home._

They texted regulary, especially Harry and Ed, and they spoke on skype or by phone as often as they could, but it was special that they finally could meet up in person, hang out and drink and smoke and just take it easy together for a few hours. They'd watched a game on the telly, and Harry and Louis had bickered just as much as usual and Ed had let the familiarity seem through him. It was _so good_ to be home.

They had been at Ed's apartment, and they'd helped him eat up his old stock of crisps that had been in his cupboard for far too long and they had been talking about how Ed should write a song for their new upcoming album. He said he wanted too, but he might be too busy, but he would do his best.

Now, a couple of hours later, the lyrics were already done and the melody was mostly finished as well.  
  
It was something that Harry had said earlier this eventing. Something about the _little things._

Inspiration had struck almost immediately and Ed had almost wanted to skip the game and instead sit down and write.

_Little Things._

The lyrics came flowing through the pen and onto the paper he'd been jotting it down on.

_You can't go to bed without a cup of tea and maybe that's the reason that you talk in your sleep._

That lyric was for Louis. It was paraphrased from their earlier conversation, Harry having mentioned sleep talking because of drinking tea too late in the evening.

The more Ed though about it, the sweeter it sounds. The fact that people fall In love with not only a person, but with all of the little things, all the little things that makes them into who they are.

So he wrote a song about it.

 

\- - -

 

_**June 2013.  
** _ _The recording studio._

 

They had been arguing again. It hurt to see them like this, Zayn thought. Louis stern faced and with an angry frown on his brow, his lips a thin line and his hair in disarray as if he'd been pulling his fingers through it again and again in a frustrated move. Harry in turn had a red nose when he emerged a few minutes later from the back room, and his eyes were red-rimmed and glassy. He was still sniffling a little as he wiped at his nose with the sleeve of his shirt.  
  
They were arguing a lot lately. They'd had their fair share of fights, of course they had. It was unavoidable, everyone fight from time to time. But now they were having row after row- this was straining on them, the whole situation was. The hiding and the not knowing what was okay to say, what wasn't. Not allowed to fucking sit next to each other at a press conference which was bloody ridiculous. They both had quite the jealous streak too which must also make matters worse, though Zayn honestly didn't understand how either of them could be jealous at all since it was so obvious that they only ever had eyes for each other, to the point where it was somewhat ridiculous.  
  
But now they were fighting. Again. Harry was by the water cooler in their dressing room at the studio and he was once again wiping at his nose, his smile a little wobbly as he took a sip of water and nodded to one of the crew members talking to him- Harry probably knew their name, though Zayn had no freaking idea what he was called. Harry was like that, always making everyone around him feel special, feel as if they were seen.  
  
Zayn hurt for his two friends and he wished there was something, anything he could do for them. As he glanced over, Louis was sitting at the couch, his legs crossed at the ankles. He was obviously pretending, or trying, to check his phone, but he kept looking over at Harry, a pained expression is his eyes. Zayn sighed, and wished again that there was something, anything he could do. Mostly he wished he could just tell their management to fuck off and let them be. His contract obliged him to not do that however, so instead he slid down the sofa next to Louis just as Niall met his eyes from the other side of the room and gave him a curt nod just as he appeared by Harry's side offering him an apple and a gentle pat on his back. Zayn could hear Louis sigh beside him and saw him rub the back of his hand over his temple.  
  
"You okay, bro?" Zayn didn't look at Louis face, and Louis kept his eyes on his phone stubbornly, even though Zayn could tell it was still on lockscreen.  
  
"Yeah. Good. Fine. Dandy. Fucking perfect." He gave a deep sigh. "I could smoke?" His voice was a hint rougher than usual.  
  
Wordlessly, Zayn stood up and pulled the pack of Marlboro's from the pocket of his coat and followed Louis out on the slightly shabby balcony. He pulled one out of the pack for himself and then handed the pack to Louis who took one and then pocketed it in his own baggy joggers. "I'm keeping it. I think I want another one when this one's finished."  
  
"Sure," Zayn put his own cigarette in his mouth and lit it before offering the flame to Louis. As Zayn leaned his crossed arms on the hand rest of the balcony, leaning out a little over the edge to peek down the 12 floors carefully, just in case there were fans there. It was empty, still.  
When he glanced back at Louis, he was leaning against the wall, taking a deep drag of his cigarette before releasing thick smoky curls through his nose. His eyes were closed and his head was pulled back, resting against the tiles of the anonymous brick building. He breathed out in a long even sigh, smoke billowing around him.  
  
They smoked their cigarettes in silence and when they were done, Louis immediately pulled out the package and took the proffered lighter from Zayn's outstretched hand.  
  
"It's so fucking frustrating, isn't it?” Louis asked out loud when he'd nearly finished his second cigarette. His voice was slightly rough. "I don't even know what the fuck I'm supposed to do, it's shit." Another deep inhale, and then a smoke heavy exhale.  
  
Zayn nodded. "I know."  
  
"It's not like- he knows, right? He should, how couldn't he? It's so obvious that I- yeah, y'know." He stubbed his cigarette out on the tile wall and then let it fall to his feet where he tramped on it as if it had personally offended him. "It's not either of our faults, it's just-"  
  
"A shit situation." Zayn filled in.  
  
"Yeah." Louis picked at the cigarette pack, and seemed to consider a third one, but then apparently thought better of it.  
  
"What did you argue about?" Zayn spoke softly, flicking the cigarette butt into the wall and watching it bounce down. Louis stomped his foot on that one too.  
  
"God. Nothing. Everything. They're making plans for him to be seen with someone else and he said he didn't want to but what else can we do? El's sweet, she's a good girl and it put a damper on the rumours and that was what they wanted, right."  
  
"It's still shit."  
  
"I know, man." Louis rubbed both hands over his face and Zayn cursed the day someone came up with the idea that two of his best friends couldn't just properly be in love just _because._ It was Zayn's turn to take a deep breath.  
  
"Maybe we could-" Louis stopped himself and then he sighed.  
  
"What?" Zayn turned his head towards Louis, who shrugged.  
  
"I don't know. I honestly don't even know anymore. I'm so fucking tired."  
  
Another few minutes of silence before there was a soft rap on the door. How ridiculous to knock on a door to go outside, Zayn thought, but then smiled softly when it was Liam's head that peeked outside.  
  
"Lads? You good to go? Everyone's waiting." He turned his kind eyes on Louis. "You okay, mate?"  
  
"Of course I am." Louis seemed to shake himself mentally as he stood up to head inside. "Just give me a few minutes, I need to-" He started fiddling with the cigarette pack again, and Zayn guessed it was more of a grounding thing for him rather than the overwhelming need for even more nicotine. "Just a couple more minutes, then I'll be done with this one."  
  
"Of course." Liam nodded and slipped back inside.  
  
"It's getting ridiculous. Yesterday we were bickering over what to have for dinner. Seriously, dinner, what the hell, Zayn?" Louis fingers trembled just slightly around the cigarette as he turned tired eyes on him, letting out another cloud of smoke.

"I never thought it'd be like this between us, not when they first asked us to tone it down a notch. We were so good."  
  
"It wasn't just about toning it down though, babe. You're not even allowed to talk to each other during interviews now, are you? They're making it up as if you hate each other." Zayn shook his head. "Not look at each other during concerts either, right? That's sick, man. Really mental."  
  
"Yeah. I wish-"  
  
The door opened again. "Lou?" Harry stepped outside on the balcony, a slightly sheepish expression on his face, his eyes still a bit red. "Zayn, can we...?"  
  
"Sure, babe, I'll head back inside. Is Liam fretting?" He pushed off of the little chair he'd been sitting on.  
  
Harry gave a soft laugh. "Yeah, a bit."  
  
"I'll calm him down. See you in a bit." He gave Harry's shoulder a soft squeeze as he squeezed by him in the narrow doorway.  
  
The last thing he heard before he slid the door shut behind him was Louis' soft exhale followed by a, "Hey, love."

 

\- - -

 

 _ **Fall 2013.**_  
_Flight._  
  
"You curly haired cunt!" They had just boarded the flight and it was quite obvious that no one was supposed to hear them and their hissed argument but she couldn't help it. She'd been going through the overhead compartments, to latch close the ones not being used to make sure the luggages stowed there was secured properly.  
  
She recognized these boys, and even if she hadn't she would know that they were special what with the special orders for their flight, and their entourage following them.  
  
The shortest one- Louis, she knew his name was- was just sitting down after having stowed his jacket in the compartment. He was glaring at Harry, who was gaping at him after that comment. Everyone else was acting as if they hadn't, or couldn't hear them.  
  
"Lou, what the fuck? You're being completely unreasonable, why would you even say-"  
  
"Because you're acting like a dick." Louis slammed down in the seat behind Harry, next to Zayn, who was wearing his headphones. "A proper _dick_." He spat out the words angrily, glaring at the other boy.  
  
"I didn't even do anything, if anyone here's acting like anything, it's you!" Harry was pulling a hand through his hair and out of the corner of her eyes she could see the set of his jaw clenched together, staring straight in front of himself. She walked briskly past them as she went up to the front of the air plane, getting ready for the safety demonstration, happy for something, anything, to distract her from the ugly argument currently taking place on her flight.  
  
An hour passed in silence after her safety demonstration was done and she had already handed out drinks, and pretty much everyone seemed to be asleep as she passed them again. Harry and Louis was still awake and they were holding a whispered conversation between their seats.

"But if it's meant to be ours, how could you just go ahead and-" Louis' voice was just as angry as before.  
  
"Because I thought it was the right thing to do, obviously!"  
  
"And you didn't even ask me?"  
  
"I thought you'd be happy! I got it so you could-"  
  
"But everyone would know if I did, Harry! We can't do that!" For a moment Louis rested his temple against the back of Harry's chair. "You should've asked me before you did that."  
  
"Why?" Harry turned his face towards Louis. "It's mine now. If you don't want to be there, you don't have to, it's my name on the paper, it can't ever be connected to you-"  
  
"Haz." Louis reached out with a hand, and without lifting his head from where he was resting his forehead against the seat in front of him, without even looking up he squeezed Harry's upper arm. "It would, if I lived there."  
  
Harry's eyes remained closed, his head resting against the backrest of his own chair. He gave a deep sigh, one that seemed to come from the very tip of his toes. "Yeah, I know, I just meant-"  
  
"I know, babe." At that point Louis looked up and about himself, and she suddenly realized she'd been staring. She quickly busied himself with folding the blanket she was holding in her hands, and then briskly walked up the cabin to take cover while preparing the breakfast trays.

 

\- - -

 

_**November 3d, 2013.  
** _ _Tokyo, Japan._

  
Tanaka-san is very proud of his small restaurant. It's not big, but things doesn't necessarily need to be. Quality over quantity, his father had taught him, just as his father before him had learned it from his father.

 _'Take pride in what you do and other will find pleasure in it._ ' He could practically hear his father's voice murmur it in his gruff voice.  
  
It's way past rush hour, the clock ticking away and going on one am already. Shinjuku's south side is bustling, but it's a Tuesday evening and it is significantly calmer than if it had been on a weekend. Or pretty much any other day of the week, actually.

He is twirling the chicken skewers on the grill over and over, just like his father had taught him, the same way he's been doing the last fifty years, grilling the skewers to tender perfection, glazing them again and again with the sweet soy sauce at just the right time.  
  
There are only two patrons in the small shop right now, two foreign boys sitting close together by the end of the counter seat. They're eating slowly, tasting all their skewers carefully and smiling softly while talking very quietly to each other. It somehow seemed like whispered secrets between them, even though both of them time and time again throws their heads back in raucous laughter. But mostly it was soft whispers shared between bent heads and Tanaka wished he could tell them they needn't needn't try and be silent, though, since they're the only ones in the shop and Tanaka-san doesn't understand much English at all. But still they kept their voices down, a soft murmur the only thing heard from their corner.  
  
They're both wearing thick wool hats, and the taller one was even wearing a facemask as they entered. Tanaka had greeted them with a bow and waved his hand at them, indicating for them to sit down at any of the few seats he had in his shop.  
  
Tanaka-sans heart raced in his chest a bit when he saw that it was two foreigners coming inside, he was always nervous when he might have to speak English with anyone. Few tourists ever found his store, hidden as it was in a back alley.  
  
He relaxed when they smiled and nodded at him, the taller one having pulled his facemask off as soon as the door shut behind them. He leaned behind the counter and gave them the small English menu his granddaughter had helped him compose, and he handed it to the two boys.

"Please!" Tanaka-san said, pointing to the menu, and then the two boys smiled again, the shorter one saying "Thank you," and when the taller one with the curls sticking out from under his hat tried a hesitant, "Arigatou gozaimasu," Tanaka-san beamed at them widely, bowing down a little lower.  
  
They were talking for a while, soft laughter coming from their direction even though Tanaka-san didn't look their way, they somehow seemed to want their privacy. Their heads had been close together when he had looked up the last time to see if they were ready to order, but they seemed to be absorbed in the little menu, pointing at things and nodding along to what the other was saying. A short while later, they waved to Tanaka-san who quickly moved towards them and quickly memorized the order as they pointed at the pictures in the little menu. Three kind of skewers, a simple cabbage salad and a bottle of beer each, and they were all set. Tanaka-san quickly prepared their meal, and served them. The two of them quickly dug in and even though Tanaka-san couldn't understand what they were saying, he could tell that they enjoyed his food by the wide smiles and the happy sounds they were making.  
  
He kept washing up, putting his containers away, and getting ready to close up and head home and get some sleep as soon as the two boys were done. There was something about them that made him unwilling to tell them to go, not wanting to disturb them. Another thirty minutes passed before they slowly stood up, and Tanaka-san found that he absolutely did not mind at all the slightly later night this evening. The taller boy pulled out his wallet and lay entirely too much money on the counter, but refused to accept his change back. He kept pushing them back to Tanaka-san as he tried to give them back, and in the end the boy had said, "Please. It was very delicious."  
  
Tanaka-san smiled softly again. "Thank you," the words felt strange on his tongue. "Please come again."  
  
"Thank you. Thank you very much." The boys both bowed their heads just slightly, and then turned towards the exit, the shorter boy gently placing a hand on the small of the curly headed boy's back. And then they disappeared into the sea of neon that was a regular night in Tokyo.

 

\- - -

 

_**F** _ _**ebruary 2014.  
** _ _Recording studio._

  
She hardly ever swore, not even in thought but when she saw Harry sitting there on the bench outside the studio, playing with his phone, she actually did think to herself, “Fuck it.”

And that's how Eleanor found herself walking up to the bench and sat down beside him, but with quite a good distance between them. She knew he didn't like her. Didn't _want_ to like her.  
  
“Hi.” She said shyly. She was awkward and it was silly and she didn't have any kind of obligation to talk to him, didn't need for him to like her. This was… well, whatever this was, and she got along with Louis just fine and she guessed that was what was really important. “How are you?”

Harry seemed to struggle for just a moment before putting his phone face down in his lap and looking up at her, his eyebrows slightly arched in a silent question. “Hello.” He hesitated. “I'm... fine. You?”

“Good. Good.” Eleanor wrung her hands in her lap and didn't know what else to say. She just… she didn't want him to hate her. 

There was silence for a few minutes, and Harry picked up his phone again, rapidly typing out message after message, or playing games, or something else. He seemed awfully concentrated whichever it might be.  
  
“I'm sorry.” She suddenly blurted, and Harry actually startled then, fumbled with his phone a little, almost dropping it. And wouldn't that have just bee the icing on the cake, if she'd actually been indirectly at fault for him dropping and breaking his phone as well. She sighed, and closed her eyes a moment before turning to look at him.  
  
“I know you don't like me.” She said, and as Harry opened his mouth to protest or something, she put both her hands palm up towards him. “Look, I know that. I know it, and it's… okay.” She tried to smile, but it was a little wobbly. “You don't have to like me. But I just wanted to talk to you for a bit.”

Harry stared at her, slack jawed. “Yeah, sure. I mean, I'm not – you don't have to. We're not...” Harry spoke slowly, his voice like molasses.

“I know. I just wanted to tell you something, I'm sorry if I'm interrupting something important.” she waved a hand towards his phone and he shook his head, pocketing it.

“You're a good person Harry, and… I see the way you treat everyone around you, and I just… I know it's difficult for you to see me around. I understand that, and I just want to tell you once and for all that you… well, of course you know this already, but you don't need to be jealous of me.” She blushed. That came out as terribly arrogant. “Just, I just want you to really know that there is absolutely nothing, nothing at all, that you need to be jealous of, because Louis, he's… he's all yours. Like, he's obviously not interested in me at all, and if you think that I want something more from him you're… you're wrong, because I-”

“El, come on, don't-” Harry pulled a hand through his hair, pulling it back.

“No, please, let me finish.” She took a deep breath. “I see the way you look at me, and I understand that, I understand you wish you could be seen with him in the open, for real, and I understand that is difficult. Like, really difficult. But I just wanted to tell you that you don't have to worry about it, not at all, because I… I like someone else, and even if I didn't, Louis would never, ever… you know. I just wanted you to know that. And I know we won't become friends, but- maybe you could get to be yourself around me at least after that. You don't have to hide away somewhere every time I come here. I'll try to not be in your way.”

She didn't know what else to say, so she shrugged, and there was silence for a few moments before Harry spoke.

“El, I'm sorry.” He pulled a hand through his long hair again. “I've been… really shitty. To you. And about all of this. It...” He sighed and looked up at her. “It's not… I'm not usually like this.”

“It's… a difficult situation to adjust to, I guess.” She peered up at him, and he looked so tired and so sad that she didn't know what to do, or to say, so she fell quiet, looking down at her hands that were clenched tightly in her lap.  
  
“Yeah. Well.” Harry leaned his head back against the wall. “Yeah.”  
  
There was heavy silence for a few minutes. 

“Do you think I'm an awful person if I...” Harry looked over at her, just briefly. “If I say I'm sometimes so jealous of you that I want to throw things around?” He laughed sheepishly. “Or just scream. I'm sorry. I know it's kind of terrible of me, and stupid. Really terrible and really stupid.”  
  
“I-”  
  
“Look, I think you're nice. I'm sorry I haven't treated you very nicely.” He sighed. “It's just the situation, I guess… sometimes I really wish I could be the one to hold his hand on the red carpet, you know? And when people keep asking about you and if he proposed to you already and everything, it gets a little too much. It's unfair to you though, when I'm taking it out on you.”  
  
“He knows, you know? He wants all those stuff too. He's more afraid to say it, I think, but… he wants it.” Eleanor said carefully. “He's always keeping his distance with me, he's like really gentlemanly… and it's not for my benefit. He's always thinking about you.”  
  
Harry let out a shaky breath, a tiny nervous little laugh as he rubbed the heel of his palm over his eyes. “That's…” Another shaky laugh. “I know. I think this is the most difficult for him out of any of us.”  
  
“Yeah. I think so.”  
  
“Honestly, El. I'm genuinely sorry. I'll try to do better in the future. I really don't dislike you, I'm sorry it came across that way.”

“I'm sorry for… everything that this is. I hope things will change soon, genuinely I do.”

A tentative smile was shared between them, before Eleanor went up and left. She needed to call Max.

 

\- - -

 

_**April 2014.  
** Gemma Styles apartment._

  
Her little brother was her number one favourite person in the whole world, and she'd go any lengths to protect him, from whoever and whatever. So when Harry had called Gemma that rainy April Tuesday she caught her breath in her throat when she heard the broken edge to his tone.  
  
It had been a long call, they'd been on the phone for hours, even though a lot of the time had been spent in silence, Harry pondering something Gemma had said.  
  
"I think we're breaking up." Was the first thing he said, even foregoing a greeting. She heard the broken tone of his voice despite how hard he was trying to keep his emotions under control.  
  
She had to stay silent for a moment. She'd been worried for them, they'd been fighting so much lately, but she'd thought they were safe. She knew how much her little brother absolutely thought Louis had hung the moon and all the stars and the sun itself for good measure. And it had seemed like Louis absolutely adored Harry back. She thought she knew Louis.  
  
She frowned. "What'd he do?" If that little shit had hurt her baby brother she'd swim over there right this second herself and give him fucking hell. No one hurts her little brother and gets away unpunished. She felt her fingers flex of their own accord. She was going to kick his ass.  
  
“He... He didn't do anything, Gemma. It's not-" She heard him breathing deeply over on the other end, taking deep gulping breaths again and again. God, he was hurting so bad and she just wanted to go to him right now and put her arms around him. She tried to think rationally, tried to press down the urge to fly to America and tear Louis a new one.  
  
"Oh, okay then. What did you do?" It didn't even matter, she'd still tear Louis fucking Tomlinson a new one. Even if she was actually rather fond of the boy.  
  
"We didn't do anything, not me and not him and- it's just… It's not like that.”

“What's it like then?”

"We keep fighting.” He sounded so small, her baby brother. He'd done so much, accomplished so much, seen so much, and the only thing she could see in front of her eyes now was the little boy who came running to her with a scraped knee, or when he'd been in hysterics because he had accidentally broken his new toy and he hadn't dared to tell mum. She blinked away tears, she wanted to help him, put a band aid on the wound, try to help him glue his toy together. Wanted him to stop crying.  
  
Harry kept talking. “It's so fucked up and I'm so fucking tired of it all and then I got jealous because he had to go out with El and I snapped at him about it and we had a big row over absolutely nothing important and, Gemma, I hate it, I hate it but I get so fucking jealous and it's not his fault and I can't help blaming him and I just want to stop it with this stupid charade. But we can't and it's... It's tearing us apart. I think we just broke up."  
  
"Oh, Harry." She closed her eyes, trying to will the tears to go away.  
  
"I wish you were here. I miss you so much. And mum.”  
  
"Do you want me to come?" She was already starting her ipad, opening the browser to British Airways.  
  
"No, you've got that big date on Thursday. I wouldn't ask you to cancel, I know you really like him." She could hear it in his voice how badly he wanted her there. Or, how he probably even more wanted to just come home.  
  
"I'll cancel, you know that I will." She didn't even care, not when it was her mother. She pressed the 'search flight' button, waiting for results to start popping up.  
  
"I know you really like... Will?" The name was said with an upward tilt at the end, Gemma could tell. "You really should go on that date."  
  
"Sebastian, Harry! Sebastian! That's not even close!" She couldn't help but wail at him. How difficult could it even be, she'd talked about Sebastian so much with him! “Honestly, it's not that difficult, I don't date a lot, not really." She huffed at him.  
  
"You do though." A giggle escaped him, finally!  
  
She started carding her earphines around her fingers. He had calmed down at least a little, maybe they could talk properly now that his breathing was back to what it should be. "What'd you row about? Where's Lou now?"  
  
"I don't even know. Or, we just- I was being stupid but so was he, and I said maybe it doesn't even matter anymore because he couldn't even sit next to me on the flight over here and I was just tired and jet lagged, I usually don't react this way. But I got annoyed because he said he didn't have a choice, because management made the rules so I said he might as well be with El, since he obviously doesn't care enough about us, I accused him for not caring about me any more. And Gems, I _know_ that's not true, I don't even know why I said that. But I said it, anyway and I told him that since we can never just be us anymore, does he even care or does it even matter? Louis, he said that's bloody unfair and he was right, okay, but I just… I said maybe it's not worth it anymore since he doesn't want to take the fight even though I've been ready for years and he said that yeah, maybe it's bloody well not worth it, and he said he can't stand this crap anymore. And then he went out and it's been hours. He still hasn't come back. I think he's over it. Me. I don't think he's coming back.”  
  
"He'll come back. Of course he will." She knows he will. Those two. They'll probably overcome anything, the question is how difficult it needs to get along the way. What they're doing right now is too unhealthy and it's been going on for too long already.  
  
"Well, obviously he will come back here, to the hotel, but... But I think this is it. He feels like it's not worth it any more. I'm not worth the hassle anyway. We were arguing the other night too and I said we could reveal our relationship and make it to look accidental, and no one would need to know if it was actually on purpose. But Louis, he's not... ready. Not yet. He's so sure it'd affect him in a bad way. But I don't think- he's so amazing, no one could hate him or something like that. He's a fantastic person. He's so funny and-" Gemma tilted his head to the side, a small smile appearing on her face. Ever since he was sixteen, Harry had talked about Louis as if he had hung the actual moon, and the stars too for good measure. "How could anyone ever not like him? He's _perfect._ "  
  
"You're so innocent.” She sighed. “Of course it'd affect you both if everyone knew. I don't know in what way but it would. The world still isn't as open as you think it is- or as accepting as you want it to be." Gemma spoke softly. "I wish it was, Harry, but I'm not sure if the world is ready. I wish I didn't have to say this, but so many of your fans, they would be devastated." She tried to avoid looking at certain things online, and she was good at sorting through spam on her social media accounts but she wasn't even sure how many comments she got every week concerning her brother, questions about his sexuality, questions about Larry Stylinson. Assumptions that he's gay, assumptions that he's not. Slanders and mean words concerning both.  
  
God, she wanted to be wrong so badly. But of course she wasn't.  
  
"I just... Harry, it's not strange that this happens. Your... Situation," Harry snorted at her choice of words, she could hear him. "It's as fucking far from ideal as anything can get. If you've come this far, I'm sure it will all be okay. You two are just-” She paused as she started winding her hair through a scrunchie, making a bun on top of her head. "There's so much play-pretend in your lives that it's not strange things turns out this way. You just have to try and stop it from happening, avoid it the best you can. Of course you get jealous, because you hear things about each other every day that's not true. He hears things about you all the time, too, you know. At some point of course it'll be difficult to separate truths and lies and what's real and what's not. But if you want to keep trying you need to start working even harder at separating them, or I'm sorry you won't stand a chance. Hearing about him and his _girlfriend_ , of course it hurts- but you know that it's not true, Harry. As for all those horrid rumours about you, of course it'd be just as difficult for him. You're both the jealous type, Harry, and that's never a good thing, especially for you who are exposed to lies and rumours every day. You need to do something about how you handle it, together, both of you, because you know the rumours won't stop and they're making you vulnerable. And as it is right now, you can't be open with your relationship because whether you're ready to or not you're not allowed to be open with your relationship at this point. And there are probably a lot of people who would react badly if you did it even if you were allowed."

She took a deep breath after her long monologue. She wanted him to understand.  
  
"I honestly don't think they would.” She sighed. “Maybe some of them would care, but- of course I know it could and probably would affect us. I was just so frustrated, Gemma. I get so jealous sometimes that I just want to shout it out during a concert that he's mine. Mine and no one else’s."  
  
"That's slightly possessive, Hazza. Hey there, G." She couldn't see him through the phone, of course, but she could hear Louis from somewhere in the room. So, he was finally back then.  
  
Her mouth was a thin line and it wasn't planned but her voice came out shorter and angrier than she actually meant to.  
  
They were both in the wrong, both him and Harry, but Harry was her brother and he was sad and her protective instincts were difficult to reign in.  
  
"Hi there. You're upsetting my little brother. Don't make me come over there, Tomlinson." She still had the browser open on flight bookings. She had a possible outward flight she could be on tomorrow morning at nine if she needed to.  
  
"I know.” She could hear Louis closer to the speaker. He was closer now. "I came to apologize. I'm sorry, I didn't-" There was a short pause. "Gemma, is it okay to have some privacy?"  
  
"Yeah, sure.” Gemma shrugged to herself, but she would keep the browser open for a few hours more. “I'm hanging up now. Harry call me later, okay? Bye, brother dear."  
  
"Bye, Gems. Thank you for... listening.”  
  
She put her hand to her mouth and kissed her fingertips before he placed them into the mouthpiece on the phone, sending him a kiss, just as he hung up.  
  
She took a deep shuddering breath, steadying herself for a couple of moments before heading to the kitchen to get a cup of tea. Something to calm her down.  
  
A few hours later, a text buzzed her awake, one from Harry saying. “Thank you for listening. We're okay, we talked it through, and we're trying. I think we're going to get better after this. I love you.”  
  
She could sleep a little deeper after that.

 

\- - -

_**  
Spring 2014  
** _ _Recording studio, meeting about FOUR._

 

"This is... Quite explicit, mister Tomlinson?" The consulting producer hesitated. "This line here, 'Waking up beside you I'm a loaded gun', it certainly will be no doubt in anyone's mind what this song is about, you realise?"  
  
"Of course I do. It's supposed to be like that." Louis pinched his lips into a thin line, his brows furrowed. "Something the matter, mate?" A positively icy eyebrow rose to match the cold tone of his voice.

“It's...” the producer paused again, his eyes scanning the lyrics sheet. This really was something else, lyrics wise. It's not crude, nor is it crass, not really, but… He pulled a hand through his hair, a drip of sweat collecting above his upper lip. “No, it's not a problem. We were just- there's the fact that you as a band also caters to a young audience, who's parents are very anxious concerning what their young 'uns listens to, and what they do. This might divert the fanbase and you might actually-”

  
“So, what you're telling us is that we can't be expected to write lyrics based on what others might be upset about?” Liam gaped at everyone around the table. “This is a damned good song, and we want it on the album.” Louis nodded his head, and the producer started sweating even more profusely now. There was something about Louis Tomlinson that made it feel like he could destroy you with the flick of a wrist. But he had to talk to the band about this, this was why he was here, this was his _job,_ the management didn't feel like the song was _appropriate_ , and he should do something about it. It was his job to do something about it.  
  
“So, what's the problem with it?” Louis' spoke, and there was a quirk to his eyebrow and he looked utterly uninterested in whatever the answer might be. “Do tell, and we'll see what we can do about it.”  
  
“Well, the concerns the board has is mainly concerning a few parts of the lyrics, maybe they could be altered just slightly…” He flipped through his papers with sweaty hands. “The song is catchy, but a slight change to the feel of the song would help, is what they feel.”  
  
Both Louis and Liam started at him, utterly unimpressed.  
  
The producer cleared his throat. “ _Waking up, beside you I'm a loaded gun,”_ is one of the main concerns. There is really no questions as to what this is-”  
  
“That's utter bullshit.” Louis spoke, still looking relaxed, slouching back in his seat, his legs crossed. “That is the first part of the chorus. It stays.” Liam nodded vigorously.  
  
“Yeah, well, then there's-” he looked up at Louis and wondered how such a young man clad in nothing but a pair of shorts and a washed out old jumper could look so intimidating. “There's this part. _Taste of my tong_ _u_ _e, I don't want to wash away the night before._ It's a bit too explicit, verging on obscene, if we could just change it to something a bit more-”  
  
“Just stop it.” Louis started to uncross his legs, and stood up slowly from his seat. “This has been a real pleasure, _genuinely_ _,_ but the song stays. There will be no changes to either lyrics nor arrangement.” He clasped his hands together, and looked over at Liam who was following him. “Right, Payno?”  
  
“The song's great as it is.”  
  
“Well, thank you, pal. It was great. Call us if there's anything else.”  
  
Liam put a hand around Louis' shoulders as they stepped outside, and as they slammed the door shut behind them, he could hear them laughing together.  
  


\- - -

  
_**July 20, 2014.**_

 _Jay's wedding._  
  
Lottie was a bustling ball of excitement from the second she woke up that morning- earlier than the alarm was set, even, and that was entirely unheard of for her. It had never happened before. Lottie genuinely _loves_ sleeping.  
  
But her mum is getting married today and she's been so excited all week, walking around singing songs and smiling softly to herself. And Lottie was so happy because her mum was happier than she'd ever been before, and literally everyone was coming and it was going to be so so so brilliant! Her mum was ecstatic, everyone she loved would be there, her dress was gorgeous, the weather was absolutely lovely…

She trudges out of her room wearing only her pyjamas, a pale blue tanktop with silver stars on it and matching shorts. It was a present from her big brother from when he'd been in Japan last time, and she loves it, absolutely loves it even though she highly doubts it that he picked it out himself.

Her long hair is put in a braid, and she starts to untangle it as she heads into the bathroom to brush her teeth. She hums a bit to herself, thoughts of the wedding in the forefront of her mind.

She knows it will be bustling a bit in the beginning of the ceremony, and maybe a bit in the beginning of the reception as well. There is the paparazzi hired to snap a couple of pictures which is ridiculous but oh well, for some reason there had to be solid proof that Eleanor was there. Of course, Lottie knew why but it was still fairly annoying.  
  
Eleanor is a sweet girl, probably. Yeah, okay, she definitely is. Lottie admits she maybe hasn't given her much of a chance at all, even though she seems all right. Nice even. But Eleanor is shy, and it's just that Lottie can see what this whole frustrating situation is doing with her brother and she absolutely hates it so maybe she hasn't exactly tried either, but whatever. She looks up to her brother more than anything in the world and all of this is tearing at him and it pains her to see.  
  
She brushes her teeth, choosing to ignore those depressing thoughts _because her mother is getting married today!_ and steps out in the hallway where pretty much every room in the house is occupied. There are people everywhere, having come for the wedding. Even Louis is home, she thinks with a smile as she passes the door to what's been assigned as his room. She wonders if she's imagining things, but she thinks she can hear voices from inside. A sharp bark of laughter confirms her suspicions and she knocks on the door.  
  
There is a moment of silence from inside before, "Yeah?"  
  
She opens the door and peeks inside. "Can I?"  
  
Louis is wearing a band t-shirt that probably used to be black, but by now it's more of a washed out dark grey and the print is so faded you can't tell what it says properly. There are several holes along the collar. Her brother is such a slob, it's not like he can't afford new t-shirts. It's not like he hasn't got about 800 of them already.  
  
"Lots!" Louis grins at her. He is sitting up in bed, but his hair is flat on one side and there are pillow creases still on the side of his face. "What in the world are you doing up at this ungodly hour?" His voice is sleep rough as well, matching the rest of his appearance.  
  
"I couldn't sleep." She narrows her eyes suspiciously at them. "Why are YOU two awake?" She eyes Harry laying on his side on the queen sized bed, shirtless but with a cover pulled up to his chest. "I hope you're not NAKED under there!" She puts as much accusation in her voice as she can manage as she points a finger between them.  
  
Harry only laughs as he pulls a hand through his hair. "You're safe, you can come in." He slides to sit up in bed. "We're decent."  
  
"Well-" Louis leers at him and Harry swats out a hand to shove at him carefully but only manages to nudge the book he's got placed in his knee. They're both grinning and it puts a smile on Lottie's face too as she throws herself onto the bed.  
  
"I'm so excited for today. I can't believe we're finally having the wedding! Mum's been going insane, full bridezilla mode all week, did you talk to her?" Lottie clapped her hands together, unable to contain her excitement.  
  
"Last night she was fu- she was unbearable! Kept yelling about the flower arrangements like some kind of crazy person, even though it turned out everything was already done." Louis laughed, shaking his head in amusement. "Dear old mum in a nutshell."  
  
"It's important though!" Lottie looks up at him seriously. "Of course she wants everything right on a day like this. Wants it to be perfect." Louis only grins and shakes his head at her before he puts his attention back to his book. "Harry? Right?" She looks over at him.  
  
Harry's eyes are warm as they meet hers. "Of course it is, all those things are important." He scratches at his chin, at te stubble there. "It's, like, the most important day of your life, isn't it, so of course everything will have to be just right. For me, I won't want-" he pauses as Lottie's eyes turns wide and she gasps. Is Harry saying-  
  
"Calm down, Lots. We're not getting secretly married any time soon." Louis grins, but still looks down in his book. Is she imagining the flush on her brother's cheeks? She narrows her eyes at him suspiciously.  
  
"I wouldn't leave anything to chance on a day like this." Harry continues. "It's important that every detail is just right on your wedding day." He smiles and reaches out to touch her brothers' arm, just lightly prodding him with his thumb. "Don't you think so, Lou?" Harry's voice is so low, sticky like syrup, and oh, Lottie stiffles a grin as Harry trails two fingers up Louis' arm and, oh, she can definitely see the flush raising up over Louis' neck now. That was brilliant!  
  
"When I marry..." Harry's hand is reaching out to stroke at the nape of Louis' neck now, "I want to make sure-" his drawl is several times slower than usual, and Lottie is having a field day watching her brother get more and more flustered.  
  
"I'd want to make sure that I'd always give everything I had. In every way. To make this person happy." His voice turns even lower. "In every way." He licked his lips, and Louis shifted. Lottie giggles behind the palm of her hand.  
  
"Harry, for -" Louis tried to hide a grin as he whispers. "My sister is here, my _little_ sister, cut it out."  
  
"What?" He smiled innocently. Harry's dimple were on full display as he giggles.  
  
"You're a horrible little person, aren't you?" He leaned down for a soft kiss.  
  
"Oops?" Harry's grin broke the kiss.  
  
"Hi." Louis replies against his mouth. "Lottie, get out. Me and Harry needs to..." A smirk. "Talk. About the wedding. And you need to get out. Now." Her brother and Harry stare each other straight in the eyes and Lottie scrunches her nose at them.  
  
"As if. I know what you're really going to do, you're going to have se-"  
  
"Stop!" Louis pushes at Harry's chest, separating them by several inches. "I'm gonna stop you right there, you're my little sister and you're not allowed to ever say that word. Not today, not tomorrow, not ever!" Louis looked absolutely pained.  
  
"What, sex?" Lottie gave her brother her best smirk, complete with an arched eyebrow, quite pleased with how it turned out. She'd been practising the look in the mirror.  
  
"No!" Louis wailed. "Don't say it!"  
  
Harry was howling with laughter in the meantime, the whole bed shaking with it.  
  
"I'm 15 years old, I know a thing or two about the birds and the bees, thank you very much."  
  
Louis looked truly horrified and Lottie felt secretly thrilled. "Don't ever say that! Ever! Not even when you're 35 I want to hear you say that."  
  
"But it's true. And if you're going to spend the morning of our mum's wedding day having sex-" Louis let out another loud wail, making a show of covering his ears. "I just want to remind you that you both need to be ready to leave at ten am sharp, so we can be there early." She stood up and flipped her hair over her shoulder. "So you better make sure to be ready in time."  
  
She left the room at a brisk walk, heading down for some cereal and yoghurt. This was shaping up to be a wonderful day.

 

\- - -

 

_**July 2017.** _ **  
** _Liam and Sophia's wedding, London._

  
It was his wedding day, the hottest day of the year in what the weather people on the telly claimed was the hottest summer since before they started the measurements, and Liam was even more nervous than he'd care to admit even to himself. He was feeling slightly itchy in his expensive black Lagerfeldt suit, and he tried to loosen his forget-me-not blue bow tie for the umphteenth time. He was pretty much on lockdown in this tiny, stifling dressing room by Louis, because... Well, mostly because Louis thought it was funny to boss Liam around, probably. But it was also to prevent him from sneaking out to see Sophia, which he'd been trying to do for the better part of an hour now. But Louis had been adamant that he couldn't see her before the ceremony, because "It's fuckin' tradition! Get the fuck back in here, Payno." He'd rasped, snapping his fingers once and then pointing to an armchair in the corner of the room. He accompanied it with a sharp whistle, as if Liam was a dog he beckoned to him.  
  
"You really enjoy bossing people around, why is that? I'm not a dog." Liam sneered at him but closed the door carefully in front of him all the same and turned back into the room, leaning heavily against the door. God, it was so hot. He tugged at his bow tie again.  
  
Louis had hung his black suits jacket on the chair behind him, and he had the sleeves of his white shirt rolled up to his elbows.

"I was made for it, you know it. Ordering people about, it's like it's my true calling. Universal ruler of everything is my next goal, and it's all starting right here, right now, today, at this moment in time. Today, best man and toastmaster during Liam Payne's wedding, tomorrow- the world!" He spread his arms dramatically and Liam couldn't help but snort at his self satisfied smirk and the aristocratic wave of his hand. He looked slightly ridiculous.

Louis poured a glass of water from the jug with cucumber and lemon flavoured ice water. "You can't expect me to allow you to just ignore all kinds of tradition and let you go see her, do you?" Louis stepped up to him and handed Liam the water glass before he reached out to adjust his bow tie. Again. "She'd flay me alive." He looked up at him with a smile. "And you don't want that to happen. Now, drink your water and I'll let you have a glass of the bubbly stuff.”  
  
"Yeah, she would. She would do that." Liam took a sip of his water and started smiling so widely it almost hurt. She was going to be his wife in just a little over an hour. Sophia Payne.  
  
"Ugh, Liam, stop it with the fond. You look so ridiculously happy it makes me want to..." He paused for a second and reached out, fast as a snake, and pinched both of Liam's nipples through the fancy shirt.  
  
Liam most definitely didn't squeal. Definitely not.  
  
"I really hate you, you know. You're a shit friend." Liam couldn't help the way his lips twitched into a warm smile even as he tried his very hardest to glare at Louis.  
  
"Love you too, Liam!" Louis batted his eyelashes at him while stepping several steps away before Liam could reach him to swat at his elaborate quiff.  
  
"Not the hair!" Louis laughed, trying to cover his head with both hands. "Please! It took me ages to get it this way!" Liam had just about reached him as he skidded away, still laughing. "Have mercy! Truce, mate, truce!"  
  
Liam was still laughing and was just about to put him in a headlock as there was a soft knock on the door, a rap of knuckles knocking three times.  
  
"Help!" Louis yelled loudly, bent over in laughter as the door opened. "Please, can anybody help me!"  
  
"What're you doing in here? The people outside are starting to worry." Harry's head peeked inside, an amused smile playing on his lips.. His long hair was up in a sleek bun on the back of his head, but a wild whisp of hair had escaped and it was curlier than ever because of the humid London air. "Lou, stop messing with him, he's got enough to wrap his head around right now. He needs to focus on his 'I do's'."Harry smiled as he stepped inside, wearing a black, glossy suit, his legs reaching on forever in the tight creased dress pants. His sheer white shirt had a fine green bird print on it, the napkin in his pocket made in the same fabric.  
  
"I wouldn't." Louis grinned innocently.  
  
"He so would." Liam deadpanned. "He so did. Get your fiancé under control, Styles."  
  
"I've tried and I've tried Liam, but he's, like, utterly impossible. No matter what I do." Harry drawled and tried for a dead serious look but his left dimple betrayed him.  
  
Louis sat down on the wooden stool again and raised his hand. "Hey! The fiancé objects!"  
  
"To what?" Harry turned to face him. "You _are_ genuinely impossible." Harry stepped closer to him and plopped down to sit on his lap, Louis' arms immediately settling around his waist.  
  
"Well I know _that_. It's something I take very seriously, too. I just object in general to being talked about like I'm not here. I don't like being ignored." He reached out to stroke a finger along Harry's jawline.  
  
"I could never ignore you." He placed a soft peck on the side of Louis' head, just to the left of his quiff. "You know that very well." Their lips met in a soft close-mouthed kiss.  
  
"Lads, hey, stop being ridiculously sappy, this is MY wedding day. I should have some kind of monopoly on the sappyness today." Liam smiled at them fondly as they kissed again, his heart swelling. He had promised himself not to marry Sophia before Harry and Louis could be open with their relationship and the past year had finally, finally let them do just that. Liam had never been happier, not for himself and not for his friends. The possibility to be open with their relationship had made them, if possible, even stronger and even more secure in their relationship, made them stronger than ever, both together and individually. The backlash after their coming out had been so minuscule it was nothing worth even mentioning, and the support had instead been quite massive. Pretty much what he'd thought from the start- what he'd tried to convince management of ever since he'd started thinking for himself, all those years ago.  
  
"Come on then, Liam." Louis slowly stood up, Harry sliding out of his lap. "It's nearing show time." Louis started rolling down his shirtsleeves, and as he buttoned the cuffs, Harry reached for Louis' suits jacket and handed it to him.  
  
"Thanks, love." Louis shrugged into his jacket and Harry patted it down smoothly down his back.  
  
"I'd better head back out. Just wanted to see if you needed anything, either of you." He squeezed Louis's hand once and then turned to Liam. "I'm so happy for you, Liam. She's a really amazing person and you're going to continue to be great together."  
  
Liam pulled him into a bone-crushing hug. "I know we will. Thanks, Harry. I can't believe I'm getting married today. That's crazy."  
  
"I know you'd have been even earlier if it wasn't for... Yeah, that stuff going on before. You're a good person, one of the best and you really do deserve the best." Harry spoke even slower than usual, his voice a hint rougher than even just a few minutes ago. Liam squeezed him tight one last time, and then pulled back. "Thanks, Harry."  
  
They smiled at each other for a few moments, before Louis interrupted, a hand squeezing each of their arms, "You better head out there, Hazza. I bet Sandra can't be counted on to stop Niall from eating all the canapés all by himself, you better check on them. We'll be out in a moment." He stood up on his tiptoes to plant a soft kiss on Harry's lips. "Love you."  
  
"You too." And suddenly Harry turned back to meet Liam's eyes. "Oh, and Liam?"  
  
Liam nodded slowly.  
  
Harry smirked. "Just wait 'til you see her. She's so beautiful." And with that he snuck back out again, leaving Liam and Louis alone again, Liam blinking slack jawed at the spot Harry had just vacated.  
  
"Okay, big guy. Are you ready?" Louis laughed as he reached out to once again fix the bow tie. “Honestly, Liam, you need to stop fiddling with this. I know it's hot, but I can't keep fixing it for you when we're out there.” He straightened it out out and fixed the shape once more. “There. All set. Now, leave it.”  
  
“I'll take it off after the ceremony.” Liam grinned.  
  
“Don't you dare, not when I've fixed it roughly 67 times during the past two hours.” Louis smiled and brushed some lint off of the arm off the jacket. “So. Ready?” He turned around and went to the little table in the back of the room again, pouring two glasses of sparkly champagne, making them overflow just a little, the golden liquid bubbling out over the sides.  
  
"I am. I honestly, honestly am. She's amazing." Liam smiled as he accepted one of the glasses from Louis' outstretched hand.  
  
"She is. To Sophia!” Louis smiled and raised his glass towards Liam who clinked them together.

“To Soph and our family. And now that all of us have the same chance at finding happiness with our partners, everything feels perfect. I couldn't be happier."

"Thanks, mate. You know that means a lot to me, too."Louis drained his glass, a small lopsided smile on his face as he put both their glasses away. “It was about damned time.”  
  
"You're... Louis, you're my best friend. It's important to me, that you're happy too. Ever since you and Harry could become official, even to the public, I've felt that everything's working out. You'd waited for so long."  
  
Louis shrugged. "We did. But it was worth every step of the way. The good and the bad. For you and Sophia too. You really did win the jackpot there."  
  
"Yeah." A huge grin spread on Liam's face. "I know."

They both sipped the remaining champagne in their glasses in silence, both smiling widely.

“Anyway.” Liam cleared his throat after a few minutes. "I never said this before, but... I love you, man." Liam spoke softly.

Louis hid his face in his hands.

"Noo, don't say that!" He wailed. "We don't do that, we don't, not you and me." He looked up, a small smile on his face andhis eyes suspiciously glossy.

"We're stoic and manly! We fistbump and punch each others shoulders when we're emotional. We don't talk about our feelings together."

"I'm sorry. It's still true though." Liam shrugged with one shoulder, hands held palm up towards Louis, but his mouth was twitching into a smile.

"Ah, Payno, fuck-" Louis held his hands out too. "Of course, me too, I-"

"You don't have to say it back. I just wanted to. Thank you for, you know, being such a good mate, and, yeah. You know. For all these years. You've been my best friend for so long and-"

"We're not saying goodbye, Li. You're getting married, it's not-" Louis shrugged and scratched the top of his nose before quickly wiping a hand over his cheeks, catching the tail end of tears running down his face. "It's not the end for friendships. At least not this one."

"I know. I just wanted to-" Liam's voice was getting a bit choked up and he pinched the bridge of his nose. "You're my best friend and you've been there through, well, everything. Honestly, I am so grateful to you."

"Stop it, Payno." Unable to take more feelings, Louis caught him in a headlock and held him down for several seconds, Liam laughing as Louis finally released him.

"Thank you. You're a good lad, yourself, Payno." Louis spoke as he tousled the short cropped fringe on Liam's head.

Liam gasped. "You mean I finally got upgraded to lad status??" Liam looked more than genuinely pleased about it, more happy than he should be about it for it having been such an old and stupid joke between them. "After all these years?" Liam touched a hand to his heart.

"Only for today, Payno. Only for today.”

  
"Of course." Liam smiled. "Wouldn't have it any other way."

  
– - -

_**  
Christmas, 2025.  
** _ _The Tomlinson-Styles household._

  
  
Lynn was slowly sneaking down the stairs, her feet feeling too cold as they padded over the chilly floor that dad always complained about, mumbling over how cold floors was never a problem in LA. Papa always smiled at that, saying it doesn't matter if one actually wears socks.

Lynn agreed with dad, though, she thought. Socks are seriously overrated. She wriggled her sockless toes as she walked.  
  
She moved carefully across the floor in the hallway, moving as quietly as she could- she wasn't really supposed to be up now, she should have been asleep a long, long time ago. Papa had smiled as he kissed her on the nose when he put her to bed, saying that Santa might come tonight, would maybe even leave some presents if Lynn and Madison left some cookies for him, and maybe even more if they left some carrots for the reindeers. And she just wanted to sneak a quick peek to see if Santa might have already been there, maybe, and maybe he already ate the cookie that she had put on a plate by the fireplace. Her little sister had placed a small basket of carrots beside it while giggling happily.  
  
Lynn padded through the kitchen, clutching her teddy bear close to her chest, and as she got closer and closer she could hear movement in the living room and her heart jolted in her chest.  
  
"Santa!" She gasped softly to herself, as she peeked around the corner of the door jamb. But, the sight that met her wasn't Santa at all, it was... Dad and Papa. There was soft music playing from the speakers in the ceiling, and the two of them were standing in the middle of the living room floor, their arms around each other as they softly swayed to the music playing from the stereo. They were... Dancing. Lynn's cheeks flushed slightly pink. She had never seen them dance before, not like this. Not just them. Sometimes during concerts they would dance along to the music, and they would make silly dances for her and Madison all the time, laughing while they would try to outdo each other with the silliest moves. Papa usually won, even though he usually had to stop first from laughing too hard at Dad.  
  
As Lynn peeked inside the living room, the arm clutching at the brightly coloured teddybear hanging to her side as she looked at them dad had his arms around papa's neck, and he was threading his fingers in the hair at the nape of his neck. Papa's hair was shorter than Lynn could ever remember seeing it before, due to a chewing gum accident that had mostly been Madison's fault. Maybe a little bit was Lynn's fault too, but mostly it was Madison. Really. (And it was actually growing out a bit by now, so if it had been just a little bit her fault, it didn't matter because it was growing out now. So there.)  
  
It was strange, because Dad had seemed more upset than Papa even as it was Papa who had had to cut most of it off.  
  
"I missed your curls." Dad's voice suddenly broke through the soft music, his voice slightly muffled from where his face was hidden against Papa's neck.  
  
"It's actually been quite nice to have a buzzcut for a while." Papa grinned and his arms tightened over Dad's hips, a finger hooking into a loop of Dad's jeans. "It's so easy to handle- just wash and go. Maybe I should actually keep it like this." Papa leaned his head down to plant a kiss below Dad's ear. He yelped as Dad pinched him.  
  
"Stop sprouting nonsense, you idiot." Dad stilled and stood up on his tiptoes to glare into Papa's eyes. "You know I like your long hair. I miss it, Curly." He twisted a short lock around a finger. "I'm happy it's growing back." He stood back down on the flat of his bare feet, and they continued swaying together as the music changed to a soft Christmas song that Lynn didn't really recognize. She listened for a few moments, but still couldn't recognize either the song or the singer, and then Papa laughed out loud as he reached up to swipe a lock of hair from Dad's forehead. "Happy Birthday, Lou."  
  
"Thank you, Haz." Dad glanced at the clock on the wall. He then whispered something Lynn couldn't really hear.  
  
"I love you." Papa tried to spin them around a little too quickly and made a slight misstep and Lynn gasped as it looked like he was about to fall, but Dad managed to catch him before it happened, and he laughed as he righted him. "Still like Bambi on ice, Styles." He grinned. "You're lucky you're cute, or I might've just let you fall to the floor."  
  
"You're mean." Papa smiled.  
  
"You love me."  
  
"I do." The song switched again, and this time Lynn recognized it, it was a song by uncle Niel's favourite artist, the one with the lovely voice. Bubble-something-something. She smiled to think of Uncle Niel and the last time she saw him, when he had brought his guitar and kept singing funny songs in his funniest accent. Uncle Niel's was so funny and she loved him so much, uncle Niel's her favourite person in the world!  
  
As Lynn's thoughts returned to the present, she saw Dad tugging at Papa's hair again, and then they were kissing, and she blushed again as she saw them lick into each other's mouths.  
  
"Mmm..." Papa grinned and licked his lips with a smacking sound. "You taste like sweets. Christmas and sweets."  
  
"It's the gingerbread." Dad smacked his lips.  
  
"Good." Another soft kiss. "You taste yummy."  
  
"You're an idiot." Dad tried to sound stern, but even Lynn could see his nose twitch from laughter. "I might have to-"  
  
And right that second, Lynn's body betrayed her sneaking about, and she simultaneously sneezed and dropped her teddy.  
  
Dad and Papa immediately looked up from where they had been dancing and turned to look at the doorway.  
  
Papa was the first one to speak up. "Honey, what're you doing up? You should be asleep by now!" He walked towards her and scooped her up in his arms, settling her on his hip. "And you're so cold." He touched her icy feet, covering both of them with just one hand.  
  
"I just wanted to see if Santa had been here, and he has, look, look, the cookie is gone! And there are presents under the tree! Look, look!" She struggled to get back down on the floor, but Papa held on too tightly. "I just want to look. Please, please."  
  
"Nuh uh." Dad said. "Not until morning, it's much too late for little girls like you to be out of bed this late. And Madison will be terribly sad if you could peek at them before her." Papa nodded his head.  
  
"Daddy's right, peaches. We better put you to bed, and hope you get some socks from Santa tomorrow morning, your feet are like ice! Look, even daddy's wearing them, it's so cold outside."  
  
"Did you see him?" Lynn was slowly getting sleepier and sleepier in Papa's warm arms. Papa's always so warm.  
  
"Who, Santa?" Dad asked. "No, he was here while we were in the kitchen. We were only gone a minute, he's very efficent." Dad nodded seriously.  
  
"Of course he is." Papa grinned. "He's having such a busy day, can't take too long at every house."  
  
Lynn nodded. That made sense.  
  
"Now, time for bed, pumpkin. You need your energy for tomorrow, and then the day after tomorrow, since uncle Niel's coming and-"  
  
"Yay, uncle Ni-ni-niel-" she said through a yawn before falling asleep against Papa's shoulder, her fingers curling around Dad's hand.

\- - -

 


	2. When we were younger

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In where you can see into Harry and Louis' life together through the years through their eyes as their life keeps spinning madly around them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter two. The story from their perspective.

 

  
\- - -

 

 _ **October 2010.**_  
_Inside_ _the_ _X_ _F_ _actor house.  
  
_

”He's just so _great,_ don't you think?” Harry blinked widely, looking over at Louis where he was standing, surrounded by a whole flock of giggling girls. Zayn nodded noncommittally, making a noise in his throat that might have been agreement, or mightn't have been. Harry didn't notice any which way, his eyes were glued to the eighteen year old boy over by the canteen. Just at that very moment, Louis looked up and his eyes met Harry's over the bustle of people. He gave a small wave as he sent Harry a wink, and Harry's breath actually got stuck in his throat as he raised a hand to wave back carefully. As Louis turned back to the group of girls to whom he was holding court, Harry kept staring, just couldn't tear his eyes away from him, he was just _so_ _wonderful.  
  
_ ”Harry.” Zayn said, and Harry's eyes snapped back to his, and his cheeks coloured as he noticed Zayn smirking at him, a crooked grin on his face.

”I-” Harry laughed a bit sheepishly, and scratched a hand at the back of his neck. ”It's just...”

 _'I just have the biggest crush on him.'_ Harry thought, his cheeks flushed brightly.  
  
”I know, Harry.” Zayn patted a hand over his back soothingly and Harry looked up at him through his eyelashes. ”But, like, you know that Louis' got a girlfriend, right?” The grin on Zayn's face suddenly changed into a concerned twist of lips, and his brown eyes were warm as he watched him.  
  
”Yeah, of course.” Harry nodded quickly. ”I'm not-” He paused for a moment, worrying at his lower lip between his teeth. ”I mean, I know he wouldn't like me that way. But I _really really_ like him. He's so funny, and he knows so much and he's just-” His cheeks turned bright pink. ”He's just _so pretty_.”  
  
Zayn's eyebrows shot to his hairline, and Harry laughed.

”I'm sorry, was that too weird?” Harry swung his legs from the tall stool he was sitting on. ”I know some people think it's weird. My sister said I should be careful who I told that I like boys too.” He smiled hesitantly at Zayn.

Zayn shook his head. ”Nah, it's cool. I don't get it, I only like girls but I don't think there's nothing wrong with it. You like who you like, don't you think. Either way's fine by me. But you like girls too, don't you?” Zayn cocked his head to the side. “It seems like you do.”  
  
Harry was, not for the first time, impressed by Zayn's perceptiveness. ”Yeah, I guess… it doesn't matter to me. Not really. It's not that important.”

”Good for you.” Zayn nodded at him with a soft smile.

”Yeah.” He stretched his arms over his head. ”I guess. Don't tell anyone else, please? My mum says I shouldn't hide it if I don't want to, but I think that maybe my sister's the one who's right, maybe it would ruin our chances if I was too open with it. Maybe.” He suddenly smiled again as Louis looked over at him again, making a funny face with his eyes crossed.

Harry's heart fluttered in his chest as Louis started making his way over towards them.  
  
Louis is just _too wonderful_.

”Harold!” Louis sauntered up to where he was sitting with Zayn, and his breath caught in his throat as Louis immediately went to stand right behind Harry, his arms circling around Harry's shoulders. Harry couldn't help but turn his head, tilting up into him when he could feel Louis rest his face in the side of his head. His lips touched the shell of Harry's ear as he was speaking. ”What're you doing, wasting time instead of rehearsing?”  
  
Harry giggled. ”You're not rehearsing either, Louis.”  
  
”Quite right, young Harold.” Harry's eyes almost fluttered closed as Louis' hands came to circle around his wrists. ”Maybe we should do it now. What'd you say?” Louis' eyes turned to Zayn for the first time, and Harry almost felt regret – he wanted Louis to only see him, always. His eyes to always be set on him. His hand trailed to grasp at Louis' hand almost of its own accord. He could feel Louis breathe in against his back, and if he didn't like Zayn so much, Harry might have smirked at him. But Zayn was already smirking at them, which, okay.  
  
”Zayn?” Louis cleared his throat. ”Maybe it's time for some rehearsal?”  
  
”Yeah, sure. I'll go get Liam.” Zayn stood up slowly and started walking back towards the dorm rooms.  
  
”By the way, Louis.” He suddenly turned around. ”Did you talk to Hannah recently?”  
  
Louis suddenly froze. ”I-”  
  
”It's difficult to keep in touch with everyone at home, don't you think?” Zayn raised his eyebrows, and he looked so understanding and so innocent with his warm kind eyes as he spoke to Louis, but Harry wanted to fight him because Louis was slowly pulling away from the embrace, and that must've been Zayn's plan all along, even though Harry couldn't for the life of him figure out why. ”I don't manage to speak to even my sisters as much as I'd like. It's difficult, don't you think. When there's someone you like so much and you can't give them as much as you want.” Zayn tilted his head a little to the side and looked from Louis to Harry and then back to Louis again.  
  
”Yeah. Yeah. You're… that's right.” Louis took one, two, three steps back. ”I better go get Niall. For rehearsal.”  
  
”Yeah.” Harry looked after him as he want away. ”We'll meet in the studio in a few minutes.”  
  
Louis sent him a thumbs up and a weak smile before turning around and jogging away through the hallway.

As soon as Louis was gone, Harry turned back to Zayn with a glare. ”What did you do that for?” He hadn't thought of Zayn to be like that.  
  
”I'm sorry. I didn't mean anything bad by it, or to ruin anything for you.” Zayn sighed, and his brown eyes were still warm as he looked at Harry. ”But I think he likes you too. A lot. I think he really likes you a lot, Harry.”  
  
Harry's eyes widened.

”He really likes you,” Zayn continued. “But he has a girlfriend. That's a bit shitty, and he should do something about it.” Zayn put his head to the side. ”I promise, I didn't… I'm not judging, if that's what you thought. Honestly. But it's not fair to you, and it's not fair to her., either.”  
  
Harry was silent for several moments until Zayn thumbed over his shoulder.  
  
”I better go wake up Liam for rehearsal. He was awake practising all night, and I think he's taking a nap in his room. See you in a minute, yes? I hope we're okay.” He slowly walked away, leaving Harry to his own thoughts.  
  
He'd only known Louis for a few weeks, but it felt like much longer. Like he'd known him for all his life, maybe even longer. Already, he couldn't even imagine not having Louis in his life, loud and messy and all over the place and absolutely wonderful. Fascinating. He'd been drawn to the older boy immediately, as soon as he'd seen him from across the room.  
  
He was the prettiest boy Harry had ever seen. And he was funny, god, so funny. And he had the nicest smile. And he was so cool.  
  
And they'd been together non stop ever since the start. Harry still got tingly when he remembered the smile Louis gave him in the bathroom when they spoke for the very first time.

He had the biggest crush, and he'd resigned himself to admiring from, well, not afar, maybe, but only as close as would be friendship-appropriate, but with Zayn's words he just didn't know anymore.

Did Louis like him back? Did Louis even like boys at all?  
  


\- - -  
  


_**November 2010.  
** _ _Louis' and Harry's room inside the X Factor house._

  
Louis' fingers were trembling as he pushed at the buttons of his phone, hitting the familiar number more from muscle memory rather that remembering it.  
  
He had to do it now, he'd decided. He'd known for sure for a while, but he hadn't really thought about what it might mean or realized the implications of it. But he did know now, definitely, and now, exactly now, he had to tell his mother about it.  
  
That he liked boys. That he liked one boy in particular. That he liked _Harry._  
  
Yesterday he had called Hannah to break up with her. There hadn't been a teary farewell, or angry words thrown – they hadn't been any more than friends for a while, and Hannah had understood, agreed even, that they were better of as just friends from now on, ending their relationship but not their friendship. He hadn't told her anything else, and he didn't think that she knew. Didn't think anyone knew about it, either. To avoid annoying questions he had somehow gotten her to agree that they were still together, just until the X Factor recordings were still going on.  
  
He paused with his finger before hitting the last button, and then he deleted all the digits he'd pressed in on the display before he threw his phone on the desk as he made a frustrated sound and threw himself to sit on the bed, putting his head in between his legs, dragging his fingers through his hair.

He needed to tell his mother. He had to. If there was one person in the world he couldn't lie to, it was his mum. She had always been there for him, _always_ , it had always been them against the world.  
  
He hoped that it would still stay like that after today, even after this conversation.

Thinking about his friends back home, he guess he should have known sooner, but it had been easier not to think about it how he might be _different_ from them. Whenever his friends had talked about girls that way he had joined in – talking about their boobs and their swaying hips and butts and the way girls smelled so sweetly. He'd joined in on it, too, whistling or wriggling his eyebrows when a girl walked past with a low cut top.  
  
But it wasn't girls that did it for him, it never had been. He'd refused to think about it but now he realised that it wasn't girls in short skirts and high heels, but other things that made his heartbeat skip that extra beat. Instead it was broad shoulders in a tight t-shirt, or thick calves in football shorts. A strong jaw with a five o’clock shadow, or big hands with long fingers. A muscular frame with a tight dress shirt on. It had been a near-religious experience he'd had when he'd touched himself thinking of David Beckham instead of Megan Fox for the first time. Maybe that should have been a clue.  
  
He had needed something else to admit it to himself though. It had taken one Harry Styles for him to realise that it wasn't a phase, wasn't something he could will away.  
  
He likes boys, and that's that. It is what it is.  
  
Pulling another hand through his hair, he sighed deeply. It was time. Standing up from the bed, he picked up his phone and started typing the number to their house rather than his mother's mobile phone. This wasn't a conversation he wanted to have with his mother if she was in public, he'd rather have her not pick up at all then, so their home phone felt safer. And he thought she was home now, having put the girls to bed already, and he didn't think Lottie had any practice tonight either. And he was pretty sure that she didn't have a shift at the hospital today, either, so the chances of her being home was in his favour. He took a shuddering breath as he pressed the green button, hearing the signals go through. It wasn't too late either – she should definitely be awake.  
  
“Hello?” His mother's slightly breathless voice came through on the fifth ring, and it had felt like a lifetime.  
  
“Hi, mum.” Louis could feel a sting behind the back of his eyelids, but no, he'd promised himself he wouldn't cry. He refused to, refused to be reduced to _that_ kind of person, that cliché that his friends joked about, the kind of person that Oli and Calvin made fun of practically ever day. His jaw set in a strong line. He wasn't _like that_ just because he happened to find boys attractive.  
  
“Oh, Louis? Is that you! Love, I'm so happy to hear from you, how's fame over in London? I'm sorry it took me so long to pick up, I was cleaning the tub, Fizzy was using bath crayons and it was such a mess, you wouldn't believe it! Gosh, what if I'd missed your call, I can't even imagine, I hardly ever get to talk to you now, you're so busy. Oh, Louis, you're doing so good, the girls keep talking about it, saving every newspaper and magazine you boys are in.” She laughed, a beautiful sound in his ear. “We can't wait to come and see you this weekend. Oh, do you think you could tell me what the next theme is, me and Lottie have a bet going on. Are you boys all still getting along?”  
  
"Mum?" He cut through his mothers ramblings. He had to tell her now, before he got too distracted by her happy chatter, or if his courage deserted him somewhere along the way. He was silent for several moments, sure his heartbeat could be heard through the phone. He took a shuddering breath and cursed himself.  
  
"Yes, love?" She paused too, and he could hear her shifting over at her end. "Is everything alright?" Her voice was so gentle and soft, and Louis heart was out of control in his chest, beating rapidly. He closed his eyes, ploughing through.

_'Like a band-aid, just do it.'_

"Mum, if I... Maybe had something to tell you?” The hand holding the phone was so sweaty he had to change to the other ear. “I think I've sort of known something for a while, but I wasn't sure and I didn't want to-" he took a shuddering breath. "I want to tell you something. There is something I need to tell you."  
  
"Sure, love, anything. I'm always here for you, you know that."  
  
"You might be angry, though." The first tear slipped out, and he wiped at it furiously. "Like, really mad."  
  
_'Please still love me, please, please, please.'_

"I'm sure I won't be. Nothing could make me love you any less, you're my son, and I love you and will support you no matter what."

"Mum, I think I-" another sharp intake of breath. No, he didn't think, there were no hesitation about this at all, not a doubt in his mind. He changed his wording. "No. I mean, I've known for a while that... I'm actually gay."

And then there was silence. It's funny how that when you wait for something – Christmas morning, a particular song on the radio, a reaction, a word, the result on a test in school that you worried about – time passes slower than you would think is possible at any other time.

And then he heard that she was crying.  
  
"Mum? What's-" Louis panicked. "Mum, are you- are you crying? I'm sorry, forget I-" He grabbed at the zipper of his hoodie, needing to do something with his unoccupied hand, needing to move, needing to do something other than just sitting completely still. He started pulling the zipper up and down, and then panicked even more as it got stuck in the expensive T-shirt he was wearing – the T-shirt he'd borrowed from Harry, _what if he was ruining it, just like he was ruining everything with his mother right now._

"We'll just, please let's just forget I said anything, it doesn't matter! It's not all that important, really, I-" He rambled, trying to stop it, wanting nothing more than to take it back, to change his mind.

"Oh, Louis, of course it matters, of course I'm not mad, or disappointed! How could I ever be any of that with you?" She sniffled, and he could hear her blowing her nose.  
  
"But I-"  
  
"You're my son. I love you so much. I am just so happy you feel comfortable enough to tell me, that you trust me. I'm so sorry I made you think I didn't, because I will never stop loving you. Being gay won't ever change that, you are still my son, you're still Louis."  
  
Relief. Unparalleled, sweet relief shot through his entire body, and he let out a sigh of relief. "Thank you. It feels strange, to say it out loud. I think I've know for a while but... I tried to hide it. I didn't want to be… I didn't want to like boys. I didn't want to be different from the other lads. But then there... Mum, there's this person and I think I kind of-"

Harry. _Harry Harry Harry._ He wanted to tell her so bad, but he couldn't, not yet. He had planned to tell her, but he wasn't ready, not yet, all this was too much already.  
  
"Are you in love with him?" She sounded like she was smiling.  
  
"I think I might be." All he could think about was soft curls twining around his fingers, Harry's warm body as they shared Louis' bed during the nights when neither of them could sleep, being homesick, so far from home. The ridiculous dimple, and that smile that felt like it was saved especially for Louis. The way it already felt like nothing made sense without him, how he would do anything to keep Harry looking at him like that forever, always smiling at him like he had all the answers. “I think I am.”  
  
"You need to break up with Hanna."  
  
He was relieved to have the right answer to at least something during this conversation. He had done this properly, had done it in the right order. "I know. I already did. She seems okay with it, I was probably a kind of shit boyfriend to her anyway."  
  
"Language, darling." She sounded so stern Louis couldn't help but laugh, just a little.  
  
"Yeah, sorry."  
  
"This person that you like, do they... Does he know?"  
  
"No, I've been trying to not be too obvious. He's really popular here too, so I don't stand a chance anyway, so it doesn't really matter."  
  
"Are you sure? He might be interested."  
  
"Nah, I'm sure he likes girls.” Harry was always surrounded by girls, everyone was always crowding him, he could probably have his pick amongst any of them. Everyone was so charmed by him. A slight lump formed in the pit of his belly as he thought of all the girls clustering around Harry constantly. They were even joking about it on the actual show now. “He... I'm happy to be his friend." He sighed. "Really. I genuinely am.”  
  
A moment of silence passed between them, and it didn't feel tense, but Louis hesitated still. "Mum, are you... Are you sure you're okay with this? Isn't it... Aren't you upset?"

“Why would I be? It's who you like, not who you are.” He wished he could be there, wished he could be five years old again and climb into his mothers lap and cry and cry and cry while she hugged him and patted his back.  
  
“Louis, don't cry, love.” He suddenly realized he was in fact crying, sobs shaking his body again and again. “It doesn't define you. I'm so happy you told me, I'm so happy you found someone you like. And I'm sure he likes you too, how could he not? You're you. And-” She paused, and he took the time to snag a tissue from the table and blow his nose. “And even if he doesn't, you'll find someone else.”  
  
He loves his mother so much. “Thanks, mum. I… I was so worried. I didn't know what I'd do if you'd-”  
  
“Young man, don't even finish that sentence. That would never happen, and you know that for sure, deep down. I'm always here for you. Just like you've always been for me. You and me-”  
  
“Against the world.” Louis finished the sentence for her, and then they were both laughing, the tension broken.

 

\- - -

 _ **December 2010.  
** After the X factor finale.  
**  
**_  
_Finally._ Louis was smiling blissfully to himself where he was standing. He was physically unable to stop the stupid grin from spreading over his face again and again.  
  
The competition was over, X factor was over and done with for this season. And that wasn't what he was smiling about, not at all, it had been a real kick, he was still buzzing with it, it had been so much fun, all of it. They ended up third which was absolutely fucking mental and brilliant and everything in between.  
  
But crazy as it might seem, all of that was actually a bit overshadowed by the fact that…

He'd kissed Harry tonight. After the show was over, after all the cameras were finally shut down, after they were finally back in the house… they'd talked. It was strange, because he hadn't know Harry for that long at all, but even just thinking about separating from him, even for a day… it made the breath get stuck in his throat. He couldn't imagine going even a day without seeing Harry. Didn't want to spend even a minute away from the younger boy.  
  
And he'd gotten the feeling it was the same for Harry. The younger boy hadn't left his side for even a second this whole night, and Louis had basked in the attention, loved it loved it loved it, always wanted Harry's eyes on him, forever. And he never wanted to stop seeing Harry by his side, never wanted to not spend all his time with Harry, either.

It had been so strange at first.  
  
Or, the strangest thing was how it wasn't very strange at all. It had felt completely natural from the get-go. He'd been pulled towards the curly headed boy as if they were magnets unable to keep away from each other from the very start. And Harry was two years younger, which should definitely make it strange.  
  
But the most surprising thing of all was how quickly he'd just accepted that maybe… maybe he's in love with Harry. He had a tendency to fall in love quite easily with persons and things that was just normal for Louis. But this was unparalleled. And it was with a _boy_. A _younger_ boy.

He'd been with Hannah for a while, but they hadn't really been more than just friends for a while, they just hadn't gotten around to break it off yet, because, well, it didn't really matter at the time. They might as well.  
  
He spoke to Hannah as soon as he could, as soon as he found the time, and the privacy to do so. He didn't give her a reason, and he didn't think she knew. Hopefully she didn't. They broke up, separating as friends.  
  
And tonight he'd kissed Harry.  
  
They'd done so well, sounded so good. Their performances had been pretty great, the fans had been more excited than ever and there were even more girls waiting for them than ever before outside of the studio. They'd spent hours taking photos, talking to fans – wow, they have fans, actual fans now – and when they got back to the house, they'd hardly even made it into their room and closed the door behind them before Harry made a wrecked sound, and in less than a second, Louis had put his arms around him, and Harry was clinging to him, his arms almost crushing Louis around his middle, the grip so strong around him it almost hurt.

”I don't want to leave.” Harry sobbed into his neck and Louis' heart ached.  
  
”Don't worry, Hazza.” Louis pulled one hand through Harry's hair, making shushing sounds, even though there were tears streaming down his own face now too. ”Don't worry. Like Zayn said, this isn't the last of One Direction. We did good, we did, someone will want us for sure, we'll just-”  
  
”No.” Harry shook his head, and Louis could feel the wetness from his tears against his neck. ”No.”  
  
Louis' heart clenched in his chest. ”What? You don't want to continue with the band? I thought-”  
  
”No, no.” Harry pulled back, just slightly, eyes puffy and red rimmed and Louis could se the wetness clinging to his lashes as he blinked up at Louis. ”Of course I do. But, I just, I don't want to leave _you._ I don't want to go home, I want to be with you.” He wiped his nose with a sleeve of his jumper, and when he looked up with eyes that were almost startlingly green, Louis couldn't help it but to lean down and kiss his temple as sweetly as he could.  
  
”Me too. I want that.” Louis spoke on a whisper, almost holding his breath because of the heavy truth of the words.

Harry sniffled, and Louis reached out the pad of a thumb to catch a tear rolling down his cheek.  
  
”I don't want to leave you either.” Louis smiled, and tried to make it look less wobbly than he felt.  
  
”I sort of want to be with you all the time.” Louis confessed, his cheeks pink. ”I care about the band, I want to keep doing this if we can, if we get the chance I really want that, but… even if we can't, even if no one wants our band to continue, I have to keep seeing you. I can't stop seeing you, I don't want to.”  
  
Harry blinked up at him, his cheeks bright red. ”I-” His mouth opened and closed for a few times, no words coming out for a few short moments that felt like a lifetime.  
  
Louis blinked, as Harry finally found his voice again.  
  
”I think I might be in love with you.” Harry's voice was barely above a whisper.  
  
Louis froze, his brain short circuiting.  
  
”I'm sorry if that's, if that's too much. But I think I might be. I'm sorry if that freaks you out, but I can't help it, you're just-”  
  
And that was their first kiss. It wasn't spectacular, they were both crying so it tasted salty and it was too wet, and they were both too stunned to even really move at all, but Louis had leaned forward and pressed his lips to Harry's and Harry had gasped, a tiny sound of surprise, and Louis was too nervous and so stunned over what he did that he could hardly process it. They separated from the close mouthed kiss, both too shocked to say anything, but when they stopped kissing, they leaned back into each other, for a long lingering hug, both seeking comfort from each other until there was a knock on the door. Louis almost thought Harry was falling asleep standing as the door opened and Niall peeked inside. ”You okay, lads?” He stepped inside, followed by first Liam and then Zayn close behind him.

”We wanted to leave you alone for a while but we wanted to see you. You okay?” Liam spoke hesitantly. Louis and Liam never really got along, but he threw a worried look over at Louis now, his eyes full of sympathy as he looked from Louis to Harry and back again. ”We wanted to make sure that you know, like… we're here too. You know. For you two. If you want to.”  
  
”We know, Liam.” Harry pulled away from Louis, but he was smiling slightly now, and his eyes had a twinkle to them that wasn't there before. ”Sorry for buggering off, we didn't mean to shut you out or anything.”  
  
”Yeah, we,” Louis' heart fluttered. _We_. ”We just needed to, you know, talk through some stuff. We really didn't mean anything against you lads.”  
  
Zayn was nodding from behind Liam's shoulder, his eyes going from harry to Louis and back again, and somehow it seemed like he just _knew._  
  
”We know. It's just-” Niall shrugged. ”It's _you._ We know that. 'S why we left you alone. But now we wanted to see you too.”  
  
Even Niall, happy-go-lucky-Niall, was red eyed and looked affected.

Not letting go of Harry completely, Louis opened one arm wide. ”Well, c'mere then boys. We have room for more.” Almost as one, the other three poured into the embrace, all five of them clinging to each other.  
  
”We're One Direction.” Louis said after almost five minutes had passed. ”They can't stop us.” He felt Harry squeeze his arm softly, and he couldn't help but smiling.  
  
He'd kissed Harry tonight. And they'd make it. All of them. He ignored the worried look Liam threw at him as he leaned down to kiss the top of Harry's head.

  
\- - -

  
**January** **2011.  
** _Holmes Chapel, Twist-Styles household._

  
When Harry told Louis that he'd told his mother that he was bringing his boyfriend over, Louis had started sweating profusely. He'd even been sweating at the back of his knees, damn it, and as it was now, it wasn't any better at all, his nerves making him fidget in his seat on the train.

They were soon arriving at Harry's house in Holmes Chapel, having arrived at the train station late in the afternoon. Anne had picked them up, and she'd greeted first Harry with a long, warm hug and ruffled Harry's hair, and when she'd pulled away from Harry she reached out for Louis and gave him the same treatment.  
  
“Hi, dear.” She'd smiled at him, and Harry had beamed from behind her back at Louis. He had known how nervous Louis was about meeting Harry's mother again now that the situation had changed between them, and now Harry was making silly thumbs up signs at him with a goofy smile on his face, and Louis couldn't help but to smile back at him.

  
Louis carried their bag – they shared one, they were only staying for two nights, and as Harry said, if there was anything he needed, he probably had it at home anyway, and he had things Louis could borrow too if needs be. Louis had taken his word for it and only brought one change of clothes, and now he was stressing over it. What if he messed up and slobbered all over his clothes, or dropped gravy on his blue shirt (the shirt he'd spent HOURS ironing. Hours, honestly.) He was wearing a new pair of nice trousers, and he thought he looked as smart as he possibly could, which might be needed, because, well, when he'd met Harry's family before, him and Harry had only been friends, and they'd been getting up to all sorts of mischief and he wanted to show Anne and Robin that he could be mature, that he was more than silly pranks and jokes, that he could be good for Harry. Wanted to show them he was in love with Harry.

He was the most nervous about meeting Gemma. Harry's sister seemed merciless, and he had only met her once or twice before, but he knew just how close she was to Harry, Harry talking about her all the time with the biggest smile on his face.  
  
Anne was driving, chatting away happily in the front, and even while she had looked a bit funnily at them when Harry had declined to sit in the front seat, instead opting to sit in the back seat with Louis, she hadn't reacted other than with two raised brows.

“It's okay, Haz.” He had put a hand on the small of Harry's back, pushing at him to sit in the front if he wanted to. “You can sit in the front if you want, I'll be fine in the back.”  
  
When Harry shook his head and grabbed his hand tightly instead and they sat down close together in the back seat, though, Louis couldn't help the goofy smile that appeared on his face.

As Harry and his mother chattered about everything and nothing, Louis closed his eyes and thought about earlier this morning, feeing a bit silly at how much he'd stressed about Harry's family, how nervous he was about being introduced formally as Harry's _boyfriend._

“No.” Harry had shook his head, curls bouncing. He was wearing red joggers and a ratty old T-shirt, having put no effort in his wardrobe choices whatsoever, shaking his head at Louis who had changed his outfit at least five times. As he had waited for Louis to get ready, he'd laughed at him, repeating again and again how it didn't matter what he was wearing, “We're just going home, Lou.”

“You're just going home!” Louis had pulled off the knit sweater he was trying on, number three in the order. “I'm going to meet your family for the first time, that's different.”  
  
Harry had waved his ice lollipop around in the air. “You've met them before, though. So it's not for the first time.”

“It's the first time I meet them since we started dating.” Louis glared over his shoulder, but it quickly melted away when he saw Harry's sappy smile, and he had to go over and kiss him, a new shirt – a red one with a black collar this time – in his hand.

“Look, Haz, it's not that easy. I want them to like me, okay.” He sat down on the bed beside Harry, sitting on one leg and turning his body towards Harry, as Harry scooted up to sit in front of him, crossing his legs to sit in the lotus position in front of him. “I really want to make a good impression.”  
  
“They'll like you just fine.” Harry leaned forward and pressed his lips to his, his lips cold from the ice pop, and he reached out to stroke at his upper arm. “Because I like you so much. It doesn't matter what you wear.”  
  
“I hope you're right.” Louis' eyes met Harry's, and after another soft lingering kiss he finally managed to pull away from the softness of Harry's gaze to try on yet another shirt, the red one discarded to the growing pile on the floor without having even been tried on.  
  
“I know this is a hotel Lou, but you shouldn't mess it up so much. We're coming back here after the weekend to start the X Factor tour. The cleaning lady will want to cry when she sees the mess you've made.” He threw the stick from the ice pop in the bin and stood up, wiping the palms of his hands on his trousers.

“I know, I know, I'll pick it up before we leave.” He picked up his blue button down, the first one he tried on, the one he'd ironed before he had started hesitating whether it was a good choice or not. “I promise. I just need to get ready first or we'll miss the train.” He shrugged on the shirt, and started buttoning it. “Maybe this one's the best? What do you think?”  
  
Harry made a show of coming up to him, eyeing him from top to toe, turning him around and around making humming sounds. Louis couldn't help but laugh as Harry even started adjusting the collar, making it stand up.  
  
“Well, in my professional opinion, I'd say...” He put his arms around Louis' waist. “You look perfect. Absolutely dashing.”  
  
“Oh, fuck off.” Louis snorted. “You're an idiot. This is fine, I'll just wear this, and if your mum hates me it's definitely because of the shirt, and then it'll be your fault, and you'll cry because you can't be with me.” He put a dramatic hand to his temple. “And you'll cry, because you'll miss this so much.” He turned around, putting his back to Harry and putting both hands on his bum, making Harry laugh.  
  
“You're the idiot. Come on now, we'll miss the train, and _my mum_ ,” he put proper emphasis on the word, “hates tardiness and people being late.”  
  
“Oh, golly.” Louis grabbed his bag and his coat and started rushing towards the door in a flurry of movements. “Why didn't you say so. We better get going right now, immediately.”  
  
He whistled innocently when Harry placed an arm in front of him, using his body to shield the door. “Nuh-uh.” He shook his head. “You're so awful.”  
  
“Whatever do you mean?” Louis put his free hand on Harry's chest, scratching his way down towards his hips, making Harry squirm.  
  
“The mess, Lou! We can't leave the room like this.” He put both hands against Louis chest, and with a grin he pushed him backwards into the room gently, “We need to get rid of the mess.”  
  
“But, they're-”  
  
“They're not paid to take care of your dirty old socks, Louis.” Harry bent down to pick up an old pair of jeans, and the t-shirt Louis had slept in for the last few nights. He folded them neatly and put them on the chair by the small desk in the corner of the room. Louis just picked up everything he'd thrown on the floor, rolled it into a big bundle of clean and dirty clothes all together and threw it on an armchair.  
  
“Ready, come on, let's go.” He put the arm not carrying the bag around Harry's shoulder and as he steered him outside the door he smirked at the way Harry watched him in semi amusement, semi disapproval.

And now they were in Harry's family's car and they were sitting close together, thighs pressing together and Harry was holding his hand, and Anne hadn't glared at him, or acted any different than the other times they'd met.

“What d'you think, Louis?” Harry suddenly nudged him with his chin against his shoulder.

“Er,” He looked down at Harry who'd stopped nudging him, but was now resting his head on his shoulder instead. “About…?”

Harry giggled. “Dinner tonight. What do you want.”  
  
Louis hurried to sit up straight, but carefully minding Harry's head on his shoulder, not wanting him to stop leaning against him.

“Anything is fine with me, honestly. I'm sure anything will be delicious.”  
  
“It better be,” Anne grinned at him in the mirror, her smile so similar to Harry's. “Because you two are helping with the cooking.”  
  
Harry giggled. “It better be something easy, then, because Louis is a lousy cook.”  
  
“Harold!” Louis gasped at him. “Don't tell her that!” He stage-whispered, only a little embarrassed.  
  
“It's okay, darling.” Anne was laughing at them. “We'll do something easy then. Something tasty with a side of mashed potatoes, maybe? You can help me with the mash, and Harry can take care of the beef, and Gems can make the salad. Sounds good?”  
  
“Sounds perfect. I'll try my best to not mess it up.” Louis leaned back in his seat and he smiled down at Harry as the younger boy closed his eyes and sighed in contentment as he settled down more securely against him. Louis couldn't help but squeeze Harry's hand a little tighter.  
  
They cooked their dinner together, save for Gemma who was late in getting home because of a train delay in Cheshire, so while Louis helped Anne with the home made mash, Harry fried the meat and made the salad all by himself. He even made a salad dressing and Louis was actually very impressed, because he honestly didn't know how to cook anything by himself. Or, well, maybe now he'd manage to make a decent mashed potato on his own, as Anne had taught him the basis of the procedure.  
  
The dinner was quite nice, up until the girls had started messing with him and he'd panicked slightly for a few minutes until everything had settled again and everyone, including himself, had gotten a good laugh. And as Louis was one to always appreciated a good prank he had quickly decided that Gemma was quite brilliant, with her wit, wicked sense of humour and sharp tongue. He needed to be careful though, he was quite sure that she could – and would – murder him in his sleep and never be found out, if he ever did anything to hurt Harry.  
  
And now, after a long day of nerves, they were finally, finally getting ready for bed. Anne had told him at first that she had made the bed in the guest room ready for him, and he'd tried to hide his disappointment and smiled happily and stood up and started making his way over there before Harry grabbed his arm in a tight grip. “Louis, she's joking.” He glared at his mum who was giggling behind her hand. “She knows we've been sharing a bed since December. And a room even longer. Of course you'll stay in my room. _With me.”_ He glared at hos mother, his chin pushed forward in dismay.Louis could hear Gemma howling with laughter over the whistling kettle in the kitchen, and he couldn't help but grin widely too.  
  
“In that case… I guess I'll be staying with Haz? If you're sure that's okay with you, Anne?”  
  
Anne removed the hand from her mouth and she was still laughing a bit as she spoke. “Of course, of course. I wasn't actually expecting anything else. There's extra towels in the upstairs bathroom, and help yourself to whatever you need, love. Sorry for messing with you a bit tonight, it was just such a great opportunity, we couldn't possibly pass it up.”  
  
“I can appreciate a nice prank, it was funny.” He nodded at her and Gemma who were just coming out of the kitchen gripping a steaming cup of tea. She smiled back at him just as Harry tugged at his hand to steer him towards the stairs so they could make their way up the stairs towards his room.

They'd just washed off the day, and Louis was sitting on top of Harry's bed, not really daring to climb in under the covers without Harry in the room. Harry was in the bathroom brushing his teeth and Louis could hear the familiar two  _tap-tap_ sound from when Harry clinked his toothbrush against the sink as he was done, and then there was the rush of water, and a minute later Harry came into the bedroom in noting but his boxers. Louis was wearing both pyjama pants and a t-shirt, since he wasn't at home, not sure what exactly was accepted in this house, in Harry's home. Harry scratched a hand over his lower belly, just below the waistband of his pants and Louis' groin stirred in his pants and he scratched the back of his neck trying to will it away. Maybe now wasn't the time. Probably not.

Harry climbed up on top of the bed and settled just beside Louis. “Do you need anything? A glass of water, or something? And extra pillow?”  
  
“I'm good, I think.” Louis smiled at him, how he was always so anxious for everyone, for Louis, to be comfortable and happy.  
  
“An extra blanket?” Harry's eyes shone with concern, and Louis kissed his cheek.

“No, you're like a human radiator, I think I'll be fine.” He tucked a lock of Harry's hair behind his ear. “Thanks for letting me stay.”  
  
“Of course.” Harry climbed up the bed to crawl down under the covers, opening them to let Louis slide under them too. “You're always welcome here. I'm sorry they're messing with you so much, though.” Harry moved the pillow around for a few moments before turning to his side and placing his head on it to face Louis. He moved to caress the side of Louis' face as Louis did the same, mirroring him.

“Don't worry about it. It was funny, it wasn't mean.” Louis laughed. “It was actually quite brilliant. It'd have been even funnier if there was someone else on the receiving end though.” Louis paused. “Oh, it'd be brilliant if we do that the first time our kid brought somebo-” He suddenly stopped talking, and oh, shit, shit, shit, they'd only been together for a few weeks, and oh crap, no one mentions children this early, they're too young, and they're both men, and fuck it all to hell. His panicked eyes met Harry's, and Harry was just… smiling, really really widely at him, his eyes bright with excitement.  
  
“That would be the best. I would love that.” Harry put an arm around Louis' back, tugging him closer, pressing their chests together, tangling his legs in between his. “Our kids will hate us for sure. We'll be unbearable. Their spouses will hate us, refuse to spend Christmas at our house.”  
  
“Too bad for them. I'll make a wicked mashed potato by then, for the Sunday dinners.” Louis couldn't stop smiling as he kissed below Harry's left eye, his heart about to soar out of his chest, he was so stupidly, irrevocably, utterly in love with him.  
  
“I look forward to it. You did good tonight. The mash was good.”  
  
“You did better. I can't believe you're that good at cooking.”  
  
“I work at a bakery. The kind ladies there keep teaching me tips and tricks in the kitchen, they told me it'll help me impress girls in the future.” Harry grinned.

Louis pressed a hand to Harry's shoulder, rolling him to his back and climbing halfway on top of him. “Well,” He placed a kiss to Harry's collarbone. “I'm not a girl, but colour me impressed.”  
  
“That's great.” The dimpled half smile was utterly irresistible, and Louis had to kiss it.  
  
“Do you think-” Louis whispered as he pressed his hips down against Harry's. “You think you can be quiet?”  
  
Harry sucked in his lower lip, worrying it between his teeth as he nodded.  
  
“Seriously. I think I'd genuinely die from embarrassment if your mum heard us. Or any of them heard us, actually.” He slid from where he was lying on top of Harry, to lie on his side on the bed, one leg still in between Harry's as Harry was spreading his thighs.  
  
“They're on the first floor. There's only my room and the bathroom up here, the last room is just used as a storage. It's okay.”  
  
“But you're _loud.”_ Louis grinned at the worried crease in between Harry's eyebrows, as he graced two fingers carefully over Harry's cock through his pants.  
  
“I'll be quiet, okay.” Harry pushed his hips up from the bed, impatient, and Louis opened his palm to cup his length over the fabric.  
  
“Promise.” He stroked up and down once, twice.  
  
“ _Lou.”_ He whined, but it was true, he was quieter than usual. “I promise. I'll be quiet.”

He reached down, his hand gripping at Louis' wrist, and in one swift moment, he'd tugged his boxer briefs off, and placed Louis' hand on top of himself again.  
  
His hand was dry, and it can't have been the best handjob Louis had given Harry, but there seemed to be no complaints. Harry was trashing on the bed, and as he thumbed at the slit of Harry' s cock, spreading pre-come all over the head, Harry bit his lip to stop from whimpering loudly. His head was moving from left to right, and back again, his curls  in disarray, a complete mess against the pillow, his forehead creased. Beads of sweat was building, and when Louis twisted his hand, changing the angle just slightly, his hips rose from the bed and he came with a strangled cry, come covering his belly and Louis' hand.  
  
He was panting, sprawled spread eagled on the bed, as he waved a hand towards his  night stand. “Tissues… There are tissues in the second drawer.”  
  
Louis climbed over him, his own hard cock brushing against Harry's hip as he reached for the drawer.  
  
Taking the tissues out – both wet wipes and regular tissues – he gently dried Harry off, minding the sensitive skin of his cock.  
  
“There you are.” Louis pecked his mouth. “All clean.”  
  
“Thank you.” Harry reached up to place both arms around  Louis' neck, and the kiss he was pulled into was messy, Harry's mouth wet and filthy against Louis', and even though Louis was on top, Harry was merciless and demanding as he reached inside Louis' pyjama  bottoms and started jerking him off roughly. Louis was panting loudly against Harry's mouth, and several times he realized he was being louder than Harry had been, but it was so difficult to control, as Harry's long fingers were sliding up and down his cock, wrapped all around him, and Louis' hips were jerking into the hand, uncoordinated, and messy, and the orgasm hit him so suddenly it took him by surprise, a loud sound coming from the back of his throat, but swallowed by Harry as Harry licked into his mouth.

Falling down on top of Harry, he couldn't even bother to pull off his pants or his pyjama trousers.

“Fuck.” He breathed against Harry's shoulder, which was where his face had ended up as he sunk down against Harry's body. “Fuck.”  
  
“I know.” Harry stroked a hand up and down his back, soothing. There were goosebumps all over his body. “You were louder than me.”  
  
“You played dirty. I call cheating. Red card for foul play.”  
  
“Not my fault you were unprepared.”  
  
Louis laughed, and Harry's answering giggle rumbled through all of Louis' body. “'s always your fault.”  
  
“You want to change? Do you have any more pants with you?” Harry kissed the top of his head as he slowly started making his way to a sitting position. Somehow, Louis managed to move too, his movements slow and languid.  
  
“I brought an extra pair.” He wriggled his eyebrows. “Just in case.”  
  
“How assumptive of you.”

“You use big words for someone post-coital.” Louis laughed as he reached for his bag from the bed, and pulled out another pair of underwear, not bothering with new pyjamas after he'd removed his current ones.  
  
After he'd changed, he went back in under the covers, settling against Harry's chest, his arms going around to press at his lower belly, pulling him even closer against him. “Goodnight, Harry.” He kissed behind his ear.  
  
“Goodnight, Louis. I'm happy you're here.” Harry snuggled, if possible even closer to his chest.  
  
“Always.”  


 

\- - -

 

 _ **March 2011.**_  
_Doncaster._

  
It had been really strange, to meet Louis' childhood friends, because it had felt like Harry should know them too – it felt like he had know Louis always, after all.

But in reality, they had only known each other for less than a year, it was actually closer to just six months. Just a little over half a year, and that wasn't very long at all.

And yet. Louis had so quickly become someone so important, someone Harry wanted to always tell everything to. Someone he wanted to spend all his time with, always. The first one he wanted to call when something happened, and the one he always asked for advice.

He'd met Louis' friends before, but only in short moments, like during X Factor tapeings, and he'd met Stan in London a few times lately, the three of them meeting up for lunch. It had been nice, Louis being normal around Stan, nothing changing between them, really. And they were funny together, playing off of each other, clowning around. Harry laughed a lot around them.

It was strange to have someone else referring to themselves as Louis' best friend, though, Harry had thought at fist, because in his mind, _he_ was Louis' best friend. But he realized that him and Stan, they filled different parts of Louis' heart, and he wasn't jealous, because Harry was Louis' best friend too.  
  
But then there were other parts of Louis' lot that Harry couldn't really get along with. He didn't even want to try, not even from the short moments they'd met at recordings, when Louis had brought them over to wow them with his new life, with everything he was experiencing.  
  
But they were also childhood friends with Louis, and Harry had no claim over him, and he had to just accept it. And this weekend, they were visiting Louis' family, and Harry loved it, loved Louis' family so much. He adored Louis' mum, a wonderful woman who had done so well with all her kids. And then there were all the girls, and Harry adored them all, the twins so cute and cuddly and he could honestly spend all day with them. The older sisters too. And they all adored Louis so much, everyone practically flinging themselves at Louis as soon as they rolled up on the driveway of their house in Doncaster.  
  
He could've happily spent all week in Louis' family home. But here they were, in the basement of Oli's house, and there's a whole bunch of people there, and Louis had hardly even talked to him all night… and Harry was feeling both lonely and a bit upset.  
  
He understood, of course he did. Louis wasn't out to his friends, and here, Harry was just his friend, not his boyfriend. Which was okay, but Harry couldn't ever think of lying to his best friends, and it was quite sad that Louis thought he had to do that around them to feel accepted.  
  
Harry hoped it would be better, soon.  
  
He'd met Hannah again though, and she'd smiled, but eyed him suspiciously for several moments before they actually spoke. He'd felt a bit guilty, talking to her at first, even though she didn't know about him and her ex boyfriend. And, well, they hadn't actually done anything wrong, neither him or Louis. Louis had broken it of with her before they'd done anything at all outside of their platonic friendship.  
  
“So… you're close now, aren't you?” She'd asked suddenly, a can of beer in her hand.

Harry took a sip of his own before he replied. “Yeah, well… I guess you could say that. He's my best friend.” Harry nodded.

Hannah smiled at him, then, and her smile turned warm and kind. “I know. He really cares about you, I can tell. He's… well, don't worry about him tonight. Maybe he just needs a little time. You're… new in his life after all. It's a new situation. Your _friendship,_ ” she put proper emphasis on the word, “is important to him, or he wouldn't have brought you here. He just needs a little time.” She patted his arm, just as Louis came up to them, having abandoned both the FIFA game they were playing and the lad crew he'd been playing with.  
  
“What're you two talking about.”  
  
Harry noted that Louis didn't put an arm around him like he usually would, but he was standing close, as close as he possibly could. He couldn't help but leaning into the touch. Hannah's eyes met his, and she smiled.  
  
“You,” Hannah blew a raspberry at him.  
  
Louis' face fell, a worried look appearing in his eyes, and Harry wanted the worry to go away. Never wanted to be the cause of Louis' worry.  
  
“Nothing bad, promise.” He touched Louis' wrist. “Just that it's nice to be here, getting to know your other friends.”

Louis nodded at him, but threw him an unsure look. He'd noticed that Oli and Calvin's usual jargon not sat entirely too well with Harry.

As him and Louis had arrived at the party, the two of them had sauntered up to Harry, greeting him with raucous back slaps and banter about how he was the popular one in Louis' new boyband, he must be _getting so much_ , and how Louis is too much of a sissy, he probably don't get any at all.  
  
Harry's eyebrows had raised to hide behind his fringe and he'd just stood silent for a moment, gaping at them as Louis came up behind him, touching a hand to the low of his back. “Come on lads, is that really necessary?”  
  
“Oh, you don't want to tell, then?” Calvin wriggled his eyebrows.  
  
“There's-” Louis started, but was interrupted by Harry.  
  
“Girls are lovely and shouldn't be reduced that way by anyone. If I did, or if Louis did, why would you have the right to know?” Harry stared at them, and he could feel Louis gripping at the back of his shirt.  
  
“I'm sure Louis' is _'getting some',_ as you so nicely put it, and I'm not lacking either, but that's none of your business.” He shook his head. “I'm sorry, I don't mean to be rude, but please don't talk about that type of thing with me ever again.” He'd looked over his shoulder, meeting Louis' eyes, mouthing 'sorry' at him before shrugging Louis' hand from him before stepping away to the make-shift bar and grabbing a cold beer in frustration.

That was when Hannah had come up to him, and now she was stepping away, toasting Harry with her beer. Harry nodded and smiled.

“I'm sorry.” Louis turned to face him, they were standing so close together, their bodies just barely touching, but neither of them reached out to actively seek contact. “They're just… they're different. They're my friends, but they can be-”

“Dicks?” Harry filled in helpfully, and Harry could see his mouth trying to twitch into a smile, even if Louis didn't let it.

Then Harry wouldn't push it.  
  
“They're my friends. What they said wasn't okay, but that's just… who they are. They're good people, really. We've been friends for ages.”  
  
Harry sighed. “I'm sorry, too. I'm not really mad, it's just that I've been taught that it's not okay to treat women that way, and I can't just accept it. I'm sure I'll like them, I just need them to not talk like that around me. That's not okay. And I'm sorry they can't know about us.” They were already speaking quietly, but Harry lowered his voice even more. “I'm a bit drunk, and I want to kiss you.”  
  
Louis looked down at the floor, smiling as he tugged at his beanie. “I want that too. I promise I'll tell them soon, I'm just… I don't know how to go about it. I think Hannah knows.” He nodded over at her, and he grinned as she gave them a thumbs up and wriggled her eyebrows at them.

“She's funny.” Harry sent her a peace sign which she returned.

“And smart. She was way too good for me.” Louis grinned a crooked smile, and pinched Harry's side.  
  
“Hey. I'll get jealous.” Harry laughed.  
  
“Please don't. You've got nothing to worry about. And I will tell them. I want them to know.” Louis pulled out his phone and checked the clock. It was only a quarter to twelve, but… “Maybe we should go? I'm not really having a lot of fun, and I really just want to make out with you right now. They won't notice if we leave, I don't think.”

“Yeah, let's.” Harry squeezed his wrist, the way that he sometimes did when they weren't really allowed to touch. “Let's go back to yours.”

Sending a thumbs up to Hannah, Harry let himself be steered back outside by Louis' hands on his hips, and as soon as they were outside he felt like he could breathe freely again.  
  
' _Hiding what you feel is harder than you think',_ was the last thing he thought before they were on the small path leading towards Louis' home, and hidden between tall bushes, Louis grabbed his hand and pulled him towards himself, giving him a sweet kiss under the starlight.

 

\- - -

 

_**Late spring 2011.  
** _ _ Management meeting. _

 

“Did...” Harry paused in his steps in the long long corridor, his eyes wide and unblinking as he stared straight in front of himself. “Did that jut happen?” Harry looked up at him and the shock was apparent in everything from his eyes, to the way his head was tilted to his side, and how his palms were turned upwards.

Louis gave a deep sigh, and he wanted to reach out for him, comfort him. But in light of what just happened, he obviously couldn't.  
  
“Did they really just do that?” Harry continued as he started walking again, stuffing his hands deep into the pockets of his loose fitting jeans. He shook his head in dismay, looking at Louis again, looking for answers, or at least an explanation.  
  
“Yeah, I know, love.” They fell into step together, walking so close their shoulders were clinking together. “I can't really...” He tilted his head to look at Harry who was looking straight ahead, pushing the button to call the elevator to go back down and out, out out, they needed to get out of there.  
  
“Did they really just-” Harry clamped his lips shut as a woman in a pencil skirt and a white blouse walked past them. Neither of them looked up at her.  
  
Harry turned to him, speaking in not quite a whisper, but with his voice quite low.

“Did they really just ask us to  _stay away_ from each other?”

The elevator pinged, and they stepped inside it, pressing the button to the ground floor. Thankfully they were alone“They, well, yeah, they sort of did.” Louis wasn't sure what he was feeling at the moment. Angry maybe. And sad. Upset. Worried. Scared. Guilty. Everything at once

Guilty mostly because he understood where management was coming from. Upset because he was too scared to fight them, and sad because he saw what this meeting was doing to Harry. Harry who still didn't entirely understand what a fatal thing it might be for them as a band that they were together, _like that._ The most prominent feeling, however, was definitely anger, anger that he wasn't brave enough to stand up to them, anger that management was proposing this in the first place, anger at the world that anyone felt the need for something like this. It wasn't even like either of them had ever stated for a fact anywhere that they were, in fact, dating. It was mere speculation and that management felt the need to step in because of something like simple speculation was just…

“It's ridiculous.” Louis stated, as he reached out to put his arm around Harry's waist.

“It is.” Harry sighed, deeply, and leant his head on his shoulder. 

“I guess… they're just concerned for the upcoming record. Like, I'm sure they want us to do well. They might make a lot of money from it if it goes well, after all.” Louis sighed and squeezed his hip once, just before the elevator doors opened and they stepped out in the beautiful lobby. Such a pretty building, for such an ugly meeting.  
  
Suddenly, Louis' phone rang, echoing loudly in the empty room, and the sour looking woman at the reception desk pursed her lips and sent him a disapproving glare above her glasses.  
  
Louis glared back.  
  
“Hi, Nialler.” He picked up just as they stepped out on the street, Harry putting a hand on his arm to steer him in the right direction.  
  
“Yeah. Yeah.” He nodded into the phone, letting Harry guide him over the street. “It was pretty much what we thought. Yeah. We're apparently acting too, you know. They want us to tone it down. Asked us not to be too-” He scrunched his nose in distaste. “Obvious.”  
  
“I can't fucking believe they asked you to wear more _sombre_ trousers.” Harry was glaring, his eyes shooting daggers at nothing in particular. “Who even use that words. I'm so...” He clenched his teeth together so hard it must be hurting him and Louis reached out to stroke his cheek fleetingly with a thumb. “That's the most stupid thing I have ever even heard, that's just so ridiculous to the point that-” Louis tuned his rant out as Niall kept talking over the other end of the phone.  
  
“Was it Simon?” Niall asked. “It's bloody mental.”  
  
“Nah, it wasn't Simon.” Louis snorted. “Someone else was doing his dirty work. It was quite amusing to see them squirming more and more the more uncomfortable they became.”  
  
Harry snorted beside him.  
  
“What did they even say?”  
  
“It was pretty ridicuous. Asked us to avoid touching. To think about how we stand. How we sit. That they'd prefer it if either of you other lads would be between us during interviews and stuff. Ridiculous.  
  
Louis was startled to hear Niall laughing on the other side.  
  
“That's the most stupid thing I have ever heard!” He kept laughing. “Why would you even… oh my god, are they even for real? That wasn't even a joke?”  
  
“'Fraid not.”  
  
“But-” Niall sobered up, and when he spoke again, he spoke with gusto. “But you're adorable! Like, I'm not even a girl and I think you're super cute!”  
  
Louis couldn't help but laugh. “Thanks Niall. That's nice to hear.”  
  
Niall started making kissing noises over at his end, and Louis shook his head, holding up the receiver for Harry to hear too, and they both laughed.  
  
“Love you too, Niall.” Harry laughed.  
  
“You too.” They heard someone calling for him on the other end, and they could hear him put a hand over the speaker as he called back to them, something that sounded a lot like, 'You faster wench should get a goat in return,' but was probably something else in reality. He spoke into the phone again a moment later.

“Sorry about that, I've got to go now, but, don't let those shitheads get you down, okay. We'll make it, don't let them trick you into believing anything else. Also, you're cute, and you should do what you're comfortable with, anyway. Bye!” Everything he said was rapid fire, and he hung up before they even had the time to reply at all.

  
“He's insane, the Irish one.” Louis hung up and turned to face harry properly.  
  
“He is. We're so lucky to have him.” Harry continued, and then looked around himself quickly before darting in to give Louis a kiss on the cheek. “I think we're going to need him.”

Louis kissed him back. “I think you're right. I'm proud of us and the fact that they're doing this makes me so mad I sort of want to snog you senseless right here against this bush and hope for someone to see it and take a photo or twenty.”

“I wouldn't mind.” Harry smiled at him cheekily and Louis smiled and couldn't help but lean in to kiss his dimple.  
  
“I know. I think we better not, though.”

 

\- - -

_**September 2011  
** _ _Sugarscape interviewed_

  
These questions were ridiculous. Absolutely ridiculous. Harry groaned. 'You're favourite word for boob?' Really? What?

Harry shook his head in dismay. He could answer pretty much any question, he didn't have many secrets – only one important one – and he wasn't very secretive at all, but this was frankly bad.

Titties? Breasts? Just plain boobs? What else is there. Harry sighed. They were doing the interviews in turn as well, so it took a little longer than usual, too, and it was always less fun to be on your own talking to reporters.  
  
In a means to distract himself he started watching Louis, which was always a meaningful way to occupy the time. Louis was just so incredibly beautiful, always. His profile gorgeous and oh-so-pretty here like this as he was turned towards Niall, trying to help him with an answer.

'Chests?' Harry sighed. 'Bosom?'

Louis' suddenly turned his head just so, and god, he was so pretty when he looked down to the floor like that, his long lashes fanning out.  
  
"Lou?” He needed to make Louis laugh, he looked so serious. And a laughing Louis was the very best kind of Louis, the kind of laughter where his eyes crinkled on the side. They were all a bit antsy today. “Can I give you a blow job?” It was a reoccurring joke ever since that time Zayn accidentally stumbled into them while they were in the middle of quite a racy make out session that was, in more honesty, a sort of heavy-petting kind of situation, rather than kisses and similar. 

Louis turned to him and he smiled, wide and broad, getting the reference and Harry made a sound in pure glee, it was too funny.

“I'd love it if you just wait.” Louis replied with a wink and Harry thought he saw him giving a small smile to Liam.

Harry looked down on the floor and couldn't stop from smiling. It was cheeky, he knew it, especially in light of recent events but it was  _fun_ and no one probably heard anyway, other than Niall who was cackling like mad by the other side of the room. And it was a joke anyway, no one really knows anyway that he did have Louis' cock in his mouth as recently as this morning. 

What they don't know don't hurt them, as they say.  
  
At least, that's what Harry thought until he saw Liam's crestfallen face and the way he seemed to just curl into himself as soon as Niall's part of the interview was done.  
  
“Louis?” Harry went up to him where he was standing by the table with refreshments. He was just popping a grape into his mouth as Harry came up to touch his elbow.  
  
“Yeah?” Louis grinned around his grape, and angled his body towards Harry's.  
  
“I think… I think I upset Liam. With the bj-comment.” Harry nodded his head towards him. “He seems very...” Harry looked up anxiously at him. “You know, that thing we spoke about the other day, I really think management asked him to watch us, like, to make sure we don't act, well, you know.” He whispered and Louis turned to look over at Liam who was sitting with his face in his hands, obviously breathing heavily.  
  
“Fuck.” Louis whispered, and handed the remaining grapes to Harry. “Here, I'll go talk to him.”

“But Lou, maybe I should-”

“Nah, it's better if I do it.” Louis squeezed Harry's wrist softly, as he grabbed two waterbottles and started stepping away.  
  
“If it's only because I'm younger, I'll have you know that-” Harry glared at him, and Louis paused in his step and turned back to him.  
  
“No, I know. I know you can talk to him, but I really think it's me he's upset with. You might have said it but… I might have acted a bit too smug about it and I think that's what upset him, really. It's been coming for a while, he's upset with me more than about your joke, I think.”  
  
“”Are you sure?”  
  
“Yeah, I am. If it turns out I'm wrong and it really is your fault I'll call you over and he can bite your head off instead of mine, I promise.”  
  
“Good.” Harry grinned up at him, and for a moment he really really really wanted to reach out and give Louis a kiss, just touch his lips to his carefully. But now wasn't the time, and even though Louis seemed to think the very same thing he turned around and Harry saw him step up to Liam and offer him one of the water bottles.

 

\- - -

 

 _ **April 2012.**_  
_Wellington._

  
Everything was spinning, spinning, spinning, and everything was so colourful, so beautiful and so so _so_ funny.

God, Louis was so funny. And so beautiful. And funny. Funny funny funny.  
  
Harry downed another shot as he stared at Louis over at the bar, already getting them their next round.  
  
God, he was so drunk. Harry hiccuped and put a hand to his mouth as he giggled. His mouth tasted like a mixture of all the drinks he'd had – the mojito had faded into the background now leaving a blur of different shots, a disgusting strawberry one that Louis had made him try, and then a tequila and after that something else and-

”Here you go!” Louis came up to him so suddenly he was startled, his body pressing close to Harry's next to the high table they were occupying. ”It's Bundaberg!”

”What's that?” Harry stumbled as he reached for his shotglass, and Louis steadied him with a hand around his waist. ”Whaaaaaat-” He put his head in the crook of Louis' neck. ”Iiiiiiis-” he darted his tongue out and licked a stripe just over Louis' collarbone and Louis threw his head back and laughed. ”Thaaaaaat?”  
  
”I don't fucking know,” Louis laughter was loud, inebriated and carefree as he lined up the four shots. “Something Australian. I thought it was good with something local, but then I remembered-” He giggled behind his hand, his eyes sparkling blue as they met Harry's and Harry's heart was beating loudly as he took the unfamiliar liquid from Louis' hand, “I remembered-” Louis repeated. “That we're not in Australia!” He downed the shot and Harry followed suit. “We're in fucking New Zealand, aren't we!” He pulled a hand through his hair and Harry laughed with him as he put his arms around him, Louis' arms settling tightly around Harry's shoulders.  
  
Somewhere in the back of Harry's mind, he registered that maybe, just maybe they shouldn't be doing this here. He was allowed to drink here, so that was okay, but to get completely shitfaced in a bar in Wellington in New Zealand maybe wasn't their very best idea yet, they technically had plans to go see the Lord of the Rings set on location tomorrow and that was something he'd looked forward to a lot but then… Louis suggested they go out and let loose and have fun. He'd put his arm's around him and kissed him senseless after the concert, making filthy sounds against Harry's mouth, small breathy sounds, hips pressing up firmly against Harry's, rutting their cocks together still in their concert outfits and in between licks over his teeth and into his mouth, Louis had said, “I want to get pissed and blow you in a toilet stall at a bar. I want to do that.” Harry had made a sound deep in his throat at that and it hadn't taken long for them to get ready and while they enjoyed the after concert celebrations with the rest of the band and members of crew, they'd soon hurried out to find the nearest bar that wasn't too crowded.  
  
When they'd arrived, Harry was already semi hard and had to try his very best to not drag Louis into the nearest toilet stall right away. He had figured it was better to work up to it.

After a few hours, he wasn't sure it'd happen at all. They were both completely sloshed, Louis practically hanging off of the table, giggling into a napkin with a straw behind his ear and a small pink umbrella behind the other.  
  
“Harry. Harry. Harold. Hazza. Harry.” He kept saying and Harry laughed at him. “We should do it now. In the loo.”  
  
“Oh my-” Harry tried to slide off of his high stool, but stumbled as his foot got caught in one of the metal gears used to spin it around. “Ohmygod.” He tried to stand on the floor but it spun around him treacherously. “I don't think-” he reached out to grip at Louis' shirt, twisting his finger into the fabric. “I don't think I can walk there, Lou, everything's spinning-” Louis laughed as Harry pulled himself up to a standing position, their bodies slotting together and steadying each other despite both being so wobbly on their feet.  
  
“I'm so pissed.” Louis closed his eyes for a moment as he rested his forehead against Harry's. “You too. Are you drunk?”  
  
Harry giggled. “I feel like the floor is moving. I am.” Louis' arms wound around his neck again, leaning his whole weight against Harry, making them stumble against the table.  
  
“Oops.” Harry said sheepishly, and he was getting warm all over as Louis looked up at him, his blue eyes dark, pupils dilated because of the alcohol and the darkness of the bar and maybe something else. Harry's stomach flopped happily, giddily, and by god, he loves him so much, and they shouldn't be standing this close together, not in public but Louis was so close and so warm, and the way he was blinking up at Harry hazily, his eyelids moving slowly as he blinked, blinked again, his whole focus settling in on Harry's face, trailing over every feature of Harry's face, and Harry felt his cheeks burn, his breath hitch, as Louis reached up to stroke his thumb over Harry's cheekbone, down his jaw, to settle with his thumb over his Adam's apple. His eyelashes was dusting his own cheeks with shadows and god, Harry almost lost his breath as Louis' eyes settled on his mouth for several moments, and as Louis' licked his lips, so did Harry and they couldn't… shouldn't. He swallowed thickly, his Adam's apple moving under Louis' thumb as Louis licked his lips again.  
  
“I-” Louis spoke.  
  
“We-” Harry tried to step away, but his back was still pressed against the table, Louis crowding him in every good way possible. “Maybe we shouldn't-” His throat throbbed with how much he wanted to kiss Louis right now, right here, not even caring if anyone saw them or took a picture or whatever.  
  
Louis was so far gone, Harry wasn't even sure he heard him.  
  
“More shots!” Louis suddenly spun around, laughing again. “We need more tequila!” and Harry hadn't even had the time to react before he had somehow made his way to the bar on surprisingly steady legs.  
  
He was back less than five minutes later and miraculously, Harry had sobered up somewhat enough to realize that maybe it wouldn't have been the best idea to snog Louis right here. Not right here and not right now. It was easier to think at least semi soberly when not all of Louis' body was pressed up against his, front to front. It was easier to think when he couldn't feel the hard length of Louis' cock through his pants, pressed against his own hip. Yeah, so maybe it was better to leave it until they were back in their hotel room. Probably.  
  
“Babe, more tequila. Here.” Louis offered him the top of his hand, already sprinkled with salt. Harry couldn't help but laugh at him, at the flush staining his cheeks and how truly happy and unbothered he looked right at this moment, ungarded in a way he only ever did when they were alone usually. He steered the hand towards Louis' own mouth, but held onto the wrist firmly as Louis' locked eyes with him and lapped at his own skin with lazy swipes of his tongue.

“Your loss, Hazz.” He drained his tequila and bit down on the lemon. 

Harry licked at his own hand, took the salt shaker and repeated what Louis' had just done, downing his shot, scrunching his face as it burned down his throat.

Music was playing loudly, and as Harry downed his drink, Louis started singing along. Or tried singing along. Made loud noises that was somehow meant to resemble music might have been a more true description of what Louis was currently doing. Harry laughed at him, throwing his head back. Louis continued with what now seemed to be some kind of chant, like a football chant of some sort and Harry just stared bemusedly at him, because Louis was just so… so…

And that's when Louis' licked his lips, and suddenly dived forward, his arms open and though Harry wanted nothing more than that very kiss, he steered him away, turned him around in his arms and squeezed tightly around him, for just a short short moment. He held on tightly, and for a quick second he pressed a soft kiss to Louis' neck.

“I want to kiss you.” Louis whined, a pout on his lips.

“Me too.” Harry turned him around again, more slowly this time, Louis following pliantly in his arms. “But... there are people watching.” He whispered. “There always is.” He stroked down Louis' arms, and he realized they were still standing too close, he could feel the warm breath of air from Louis' mouth as he breathed and spoke. “There always are. Maybe we should-”

Suddenly Louis's mouth pressed against his, and it was so quick, just a dart against his lips leaving a hind of alcohol and salt and Harry was quite sure no one could've caught that in the darkness of the pub and he grinned at Louis' through the foggy haze in his brain because _Louis_ , and _kiss_ and _wow, so drunk_ and there literally was nothing else he could do.  
  
“Just the one.” Louis mumbled, and he was quickly crashing, the alcohol swirling around in his body, quickly making him sleepy. “Just the one. In public. I don't-” He leaned against Harry's body, again leaning his face against the crook of Harry's neck. “I don't care. Just the one.” He wriggled closer against Harry's side, his eyes already drooping.  
  
Harry pulled out his phone and called Liam to drop the bomb that they were not in fact in their hotel rooms, not even in a shared hotel room, but they were out and needed a driver to come pick them up. Now. Please.

 

\- - -

 

_**Spring 2012.  
** _ _Ed Sheeran's apartment._

  
"You were having a really long, nice conversation with yourself last night, Harold." Louis said with a smirk just as Harry came back inside their living room with several soda and beer bottles as well as three different types of crisps clutched in his long fingers.  
  
"Really? Did I say anything particularly interesting, then?" Harry grinned at Louis as he placed his loot on the table, one of the bottled wobbling dangerously before Ed caught it.  
  
"Like most of the time you open your mouth it was only gibberish." Louis grinned up at him as he snagged one of the bottles and took a sip. It was the first time in ages since they were home, and rarer yet was that Ed was home as well at the same time and so a traditional weekend night in front of the telly had seemed like a plan. Football, sugar, crisps and the few bottles of beers they had. Ed cackled as he clinked his bottle against Louis', just as Harry released a soft sigh as he sunk down into the over stuffed sofa next to Louis.  
  
"You were mumbling about a tree and the night sky. There were mentions of a rabbit as well. Seriously. And you finished it off by singing a little song. Are you actually a Disney princess?" Louis pinched him on the inside of his thigh, his grey beanie hanging half off of his head.  
  
Harry had laughed at that. "Would that make you my knight in shiny armour? Prince Louis? But I can take care of myself, you know." Harry leaned closer though and grinned as he gave Louis a close mouthed kiss.  
  
"I could try, though?" Louis smiled at him.  
  
"It was your fault, though.” Harry plopped a few crisps into his mouth. “If you're even telling the truth and I did in fact talk in my sleep, which I highly doubt that I did in the first place." Harry said just as Ed found the remote and started flickering through the channels. "You gave me that cup of tea too late, and it makes me sleep talk! Like, every time."  
  
"That's ridiculous, why would you even do that?" Louis was shaking his head, laughter evident in his voice.  
  
"I don't know, that's just something one does, isn't it? Everyone has things like that." Harry put his arm around Louis shoulder. "I drink tea and talk in my sleep, some people do other strange things, like, get peckish for carrots after a jog, or always jump off the last step from the stairs, or like, sleep walk or wants to eat nothing but liquorice when they just wakes up or-”

“What in the world are you even talking about?” Louis was shaking his head at him.

“But everyone has those things? Like, you know? Those little things that makes them _them._ Right, Ed?”  
  
Ed was just looking at them, an amused smile on his face.  
  
"I don't. I most definitely don't." Ed laughed in amusement as Louis nodded his head seriously.  
  
"It was cute, though." Louis grinned up at him.  
  
Harry huffed, a small sound and crossed his arms over his chest. "I'm not cute."  
  
"So cute. So so cute." Louis teased and pinched his cheek between his thumb and forefinger. “The cutest.”

“Shut up. You have those things too.”

“What things?”  
  
“Just, you know. Those little things.” Harry shrugged.

“Harry.” Louis was laughing at him now. “ _What things_ ?”

Harry laughed back too, and he had to hide his face in his hands, his cheeks flushing pink. “Just, things. That makes you who you are.”

“You're absolutely ridiculous.” Louis shook his head as he took another sip from his bottle. “Absolutely ridiculous.”  
  
“It's cute though.” Ed grinned at him. “Little things. I love it.”

 

\- - -

 

_**June 2013.  
** _ _The recording studio._

 

Louis' heart was hurting. It was ridiculous, is what it was, because it shouldn't be possible for it to do so from just looking at the curly haired boy standing opposite him on the other side of this frankly revolting balcony. But Harry just... And his heart actually hurt, like a vice grip twisting at it.  
  
"Hey, love." As Zayn closed the balcony door behind him, he spoke softly, blowing a cloud of smoke out through his nose before looking back at Harry.  
  
"Hi." Harry's eyes were still red and bloodshot, and even though he wasn't looking up at Louis, it was all too clear that there were fresh tear stains on his face. Fuck it all to hell and fucking back. Louis had only had two drags of his cigarette but it suddenly tasted like shit and he still threw it on the floor and stubbed it out with his foot, maybe grinding his heel on it a little harder into the cement floor of the balcony than was strictly necessary.  
  
"I-"  
  
"We-"  
  
They both spoke at the same time, and startled they turned silent for another minute, Harry shuffling his feet, his toes pointing even more inwards than usual, while Louis was staring at the cigarette butts on the floor.  
  
"Look-" Harry started. "I'm sorry." His voice was wobbling as he spoke. "I didn't mean what I said, I was just-"  
  
"Yeah, me too. I'm sorry." They finally looked at each other and it was like a cord was squeezing at Louis' lungs as he watched Harry's lower lip tremble.  
  
Fuck it all to hell and back. Louis sighed, and pushed off from the stool he'd been sitting on. "Haz, come on. Don't..." He opened his arms as he came closer to Harry and Harry seemed to hesitate for just a moment before he opened his own arms and stepped into the embrace. "Don't cry. Please. I'm sorry."  
  
Harry took a deep breath. "Me too. I'm sorry." He somehow made himself appear quite tiny in Louis' arms, hiding his face in the crook of Louis' neck. "I was... That was really shitty of me to say."  
  
"Forget it." Louis rubbed soft circles over Harry's lower back, calming. Harry took another deep breath.  
  
Harry pulled back a little from the embrace but kept his arms securely locked around Louis' neck. "I really really love you, Lou." He tilted his head to the side, his big green eyes blinking widely at him, eyelashes still damp from earlier.  
  
"God, Harry. Me too. You know I do. You have to know that, I need you to remember that."  
  
"I do." Harry smiled then, a careful smile. "Sorry. I do know that. I love you so much, and I do know that. I'm just... I'm really tired. And jet lagged. And stressed. And it's no excuse, I didn't mean it and I didn't mean to pick a fight, it's just that..." He put his forehead against Louis'. "Sometimes it feels so difficult, all of it, and I never want to share you and when it feels like I have to I act a bit, yeah, badly. I didn't mean to lash out at you.” He sighed. “I'm sorry.”  
  
"Don't-" Louis tugged at a loose curl that had fallen over Harry's forehead. "It was my fault too. I was unreasonable and I should've just talked to you right away." He gasped a little when Harry trailed his hand down and cold fingers found their way inside the neck of Louis' henley. "Don't take all the blame when you're not all in the wrong."  
  
"Can I kiss you?" Harry pulled his head back just slightly, far enough that their faces weren't touching, but close enough that Louis could feel the hot air from Harry's breathing brush over his lips.  
  
Louis' couldn't help but smile, a small soft thing. "Since when do you need to ask my permission?" He tilted his head up, just a bit, but not closing the distance.  
  
"Since we're fighting and I'm still not sure we're done making up." A firm hand travelled down Louis's arm, all the way down to nip at his inner wrist and then twining their hands together. Another hot gust of air over Louis' mouth. "Please. Can I?"  
  
"Oh my god," Louis' grinned. "Just get on with it."  
  
That's all the incentive that Harry needed, his free hand not holding Louis coming up to cup the side of Louis' face, soft lips settling on Louis', Harry's plush lips mouthing at his lower lip. It was a soft kiss, long lazy strokes of tongue and a taste of salt lingering from Harry's tears.  


 

\- - -

 

_**Fall 2013  
** Flight.  
  
_

"You curly haired cunt!” Louis regretted the words just as soon as they were out of his mouth, as Harry flinched back visibly, his eyes turning hard immediately. Hard and hurt, so very very hurt.

But he couldn't take it back. If there was one thing he was other than nasty mouthed, it was stubborn, so as Harry stopped dead in his tracks, blocking the other's behind him, Louis kept walking through the passage leading up to his seat on the air plane. He pressed his jacket into the overhead compartment as aggressively and forcefully as he could, needing to let out some of his frustration somehow. That Harry had to stop and wait for him until he was finished was oddly satisfying. At lest until Harry shouldered past him, jostling him a bit with his shoulder to get to his seat and throwing himself down into it, crossing his arms angrily across his chest.

It was childish and ridiculous and Louis absolutely, 100% deserved it. Also, Louis' head was starting to pound. He probably deserved that too.

Harry had bought a fucking house in LA, and he'd just thrown it out there, he'd bought it without asking Louis, and he'd implied that they could live there together, and Louis had just lost it. He wanted it, of course he did, he wanted it so bad, but someone would figure it out, someone would find out for sure, and Louis was just too tired to deal with this right now. He hadn't slept properly for several weeks, there was just so much to do all the time, promo and shows and radio, and even more promo, television, magazine shoots, scheduled outings for paparazzi to see and photograph and he just wanted to be for a little while, just wanted to enjoy this mad carousel that was his life at the moment. And of course he wanted to live with Harry but they couldn't, not fucking now, and why couldn't Harry fucking see this? And when he had told Harry this, Harry had looked at him with sad eyes as if he just _didn't understand, couldn't understand_ where he was coming from, orwhy Louis was saying this. He had looked at Louis as if he just couldn't get it, as if Louis was purposely hurting Harry for no reason at all and something within Louis had just snapped, and he was suddenly _furious._ With Harry, with management, with the world at large and with himself most of all.  
  
He wanted nothing more than living with Harry again, missed their rickety, cold apartment they had shared for such a short time. He missed being clad in their warmest socks and thickest jumpers while eating breakfast in the kitchen when the heating was broken. He missed the sound of Harry singing under his breath while doing the dishes, or the laundry. He missed their take out dinners in front of the telly, huddled close together under the heaviest blankets they had managed to find. Missed kisses and curious hands in their bed, missed the first thing they ever bought together. (A butter knife because neither of them had remembered to bring one.) He missed going shopping together and forgetting to buy the orange juice and playing rock-paper-scissor for who had to go back outside to get it. Laughing together with their mouths full of toothpaste as they scrambled for room in their tiny bathroom. Missed fighting for the first shower in case the hot water would run out. Missed the feeling of having _everything_ together with this wonderful boy that he'd met not very long ago.  
  
It was so different now, and it was draining him from inside out.

The other lads had spread out to take the remaining seats, quickly knowing what to do when Harry and Louis was fighting and refused to sit next to each other even when they could. They were all quiet, and they were pretending that they couldn't hear them, pretended that everything was as it should be. Louis felt sorry for them, they shouldn't have to deal with this, and he was being stupid, Harry hadn't meant anything bad with it, he knew that, but a house, it wasn't for them, he couldn't possibly… It was impossible, why couldn't Harry just see that? He suddenly jostled Zayn harshly with his elbow, completely on purpose. He just needed to do _something,_ something mean to someone, and to Zayn's credit, he didn't jostle back at all, merely looked at him with tired eyes full of sympathy before shifting to lean to the other side, against the window. Louis' head started pounding even worse and he closed his eyes and took a deep breath before he rested his head back. He managed three deep breaths before Harry apparently couldn't hold his tongue anymore.

"Lou, what the fuck? You're being completely unreasonable, why would you even say-"

"Because you're acting like a dick. A proper dick."  
  
"I didn't even do anything, if anyone here's acting like anything, it's you!" Harry pulled a hand through his hair, Louis could tell from where he was sitting in the seat behind him.And then there was radio silence. The longer time passed, the more Harry sunk down low in his seat. Louis could tell, because he was staring so intensely at the back of his chair, could notice every single change in Harry's demeanour, in every shape of his body. He was fucking wrecked, his chest hurting to be fighting again, and he just wanted make it alright. He resisted for just over an hour, when everyone was asleep around them, before he reached out and stroked a finger along Harry's left arm. Harry had also fallen asleep, and he woke up with a start. _  
_

“What?” Harry spat, still angry.  
  
“I'm sorry. I shouldn't have-”  
  
“What the fuck was that, even?” Harry growled, his voice almost a hiss. “Louis, you can't just call me names like that, I didn't even do anything.”  
  
“I know, I'm sorry. It's my big fucking mouth, I can't-” Louis squeezed his arm carefully. “It's not okay, I can't defend it. Not at all. I was completely out of line and I'm so-”  
  
“You were, I'm so angry right now I don't even want to talk to you.” Harry whispered hotly, but he didn't shake his hand off. Louis squeezed at his arm again, before stroking his hand up and down just once. He sighed deeply before he spoke again.  
  
“I understand that. I just… Harry, I want that dream as much as you do.” He rested his forehead against the back of Harry's seat and closed his eyes. “I do. But that doesn't mean we can. I miss you, but we can't, not now.” He breathed heavily through his nose, and he wasn't angry anymore, but he was so done, done with everything, he just needed Harry to _understand._

"But if it's meant to be ours, how could you just go ahead and-" Louis whispered heatedly.

"Because I thought it was the right thing to do, obviously-" Harry shook his head, his curls bouncing around his head. “But well. _Obviously,_ I was wrong.” He spat the words out.  
  
"And you didn't even ask me?" Louis was incredulous. Harry had bought a house, he wanted them both to live there and he hadn't even asked Louis about it beforehand.  
  
"I thought you'd be happy! I got it so you could-"  
  
"But everyone would know if I did. Would know if we did live together. We can't do that!" For a moment Louis rested his temple against the back of Harry's chair. "You should've asked me before you did that."  
  
"Why?" Harry turned his face towards Louis, his eyes thin slits, even if it seemed like the anger was leaving him too. "It's mine now. If you don't want to be there, you don't have to, it's my name on the paper, it can't ever be connected to you." He crossed his arms over his chest again, and this time Louis saw that it wasn't in anger, but instead in a rather protective manner.  
  
"Haz." Louis reached out with a hand, had to touch Harry, had to reassure him somehow. "It would, if I lived there."  
  
Harry's eyes remained closed, his head resting against the backrest of his own chair. The sigh Harry let out was shaky and so sad, and utterly dejected. "Yeah, I know, I just meant-"  
  
"I know, babe." He suddenly felt eyes on the back of his neck and turned around to look around himself, but there didn't seem to be anyone paying them any attention. He almost felt himself not even caring anymore, even if they were. “I know. And I can't help this, I can't do anything about this. It is what it is at this point, and I wish I could change it but… I can't. But please know that I do want that too. I really do want that.”  
  
A few moments passed in silence before one of Harry's hands came up to rest on top of the hand that was holding onto Harry's arm.

 

\- - -

_**November 3d, 2013.  
** _ _Tokyo, Japan._

  
"Let me take you to dinner. Please." Harry was in black joggers, and his hair was still wet from the earlier shower, but he was already wearing his jacket and reaching out to hand Louis his own. He pulled a hand through his damp curls, and pulled on his knit green hat that Louis openly abhorred.  
  
"Now?" Louis lips twitched. "It's midnight. We have that morning show recording early tomorrow."  
  
"Lou," Harry leaned down and dug out Louis' own much more classy black knit from under a pile of shopping bags. "Please. I'm..." He put his hand with the black beanie out towards Louis, a small mischievous smile quirking his mouth. "Everyone's already asleep. I'm asking you on a date."  
  
His big green eyes were soft and hazy in the dim light of what was officially Louis' hotel room, but in reality was both of theirs.  
  
"Harold..."  
  
Harry stepped up to him. "I want to. Please. We could go out here, we could, we're in Tokyo, they don't know us as well here. With a hat on I'm sure we could get away with it." He put his arms around Louis' neck. "Let me treat you to dinner. Please."  
  
"We already had dinner." Louis' hands climbed slowly up Harry's abdomen, scratching softly.  
  
"Second dinner then. Midnight snack. Just a date, a real date, outside and with food. Snacks, even, if that's better. Whichever you want. Your choice." He kissed Louis' temple and despite himself, Louis' eyes fluttered close.  
  
"Yeah, let's.” Louis squeezed down to squeeze Harry's ass through his joggers. “What they don't know won't hurt them and I'll sleep even better knowing we managed to sneak out on them." Louis said and Harry snorted against his bangs.  
  
"You're such a romantic." Harry swatted at his hands and stepped away and started pulling on his shoes.  
  
"You're bad enough for the both of us. A date, Harry, really?" Harry looked up at him and grinned, his smile broad and dimpled and sweet as honey and filled with sunshine and exactly everything that Louis loves the most in the world and he suddenly had to look down at the floor to hide his blush. Louis Tomlinson do not blush, definitely not.  
  
They got dressed in their heaviest coats as Tokyo was right in the middle of a cold spell, and the weather was more chilly than was normal for the season. As they were waiting for the elevator to take them from their room on the 28th floor, Harry adjusted Louis' hat for him, and before he knew it, Harry had leaned forward to peck his nose.  
  
"I'm not going to look around to see if anyone's seen us, because this is a date," Harry whispered conspiratorially, still leaning close to Louis' face. "And on dates, you definitely are supposed to kiss your partner." Harry smiled goofily, and Louis heart swelled just as the elevator doors pinged and they hurried to get inside. The elevator was empty save for a fancy elderly couple that didn't as much as spare a glance to two young boys dressed in more or less dirty joggers.  
  
As they carefully sneaked out through the lobby, they were both giggling like school kids. They could see some of the crew, and Niall as well, sitting in the bar next to the lobby and they scurried by quickly, trying not to giggle too loudly and ruin their plan. Tokyo was lively even ten minutes past midnight, but neither of them was surprised. They'd been in Japan before and Tokyo seemed to be constantly alive and bustling no matter what hour you chose to head outside.  
  
"C'mon!" Harry's smile was wild and free as he nodded towards one of the cabs in the taxi queue, and as they approached, the door on their side swung open wide.  
  
The cabbie greeted them with a Japanese phrase and a curt nod.  
  
"Umm," Harry hesitated. "Yeah. Restaurant. Japanese food, a restaurant with good Japanese food. Um. Please?"

Louis grinned and prodded him in the back. "How very eloquent, Harold."

Harry pinched him in the side with a grin, but his cheeks were a bit rosy.

The cabbie seemed to understand him however and within ten minutes, they were in a back street to Shinjuku's West exit that was still bustling with people and lights and sounds. There were neon signs blinking along with roman letters next to small wooden plates with Japanese lettering and as the driver opened the door he smiled and pointed in the direction of the small winding road with lanterns hanging over it, saying, "All good! Japanese chicken, gyoza. Sushi, noodles. All good, all good!" He pointed again, nodding enthusiastically at them with a bright smile on his face.  
  
Louis was just digging out his wallet as Harry stopped him with a hand on his wrist. "No. This is on me tonight." As he pulled a few unfamiliar bills out of his wallet and said his thank you's to the driver as Louis climbed outside.  
  
Louis took a deep breath and let himself smile just as much as he wanted to. For once he decided to drop his guard, completely. Just for tonight. Just for one night. They had deserved that, he thought. They were fairly anonymous here, compared to some other parts of the world, and for some reason the bustling city seemed to make them more anonymous. That was always fascinating to Louis – the more people there are, the less noticeable you become.And here, now, they were both dressed down in joggers and hoodies and hair hidden under beanies andabsolutely no one would expect to see them here.

"Fuck it," Louis whispered to himself just as Harry climbed out after him.

"What?" Harry pulled on his face mask again, hiding his face as much as he could.  
  
"Nothing." Louis grinned. "So." He nudged Harry with his elbow, a thrill running through him at doing this, right here, with this boy that he loves so much. "Where to?"  
  
"Umm." Harry looked around them, scanning the area."I don't know. Maybe we'll just head up here where he pointed us to, and see what you want? It's your choice tonight." He waved a hand towards the side street the driver had pointed them to.  
  
Louis started walking, Louis' shoulders clinking into Harry's upper arms. "Either's fine with me. You can pick whatever you want." They walked a few steps and then suddenly a delicious smell wafted through the air. Louis sniffed the air at the same time as he stopped to try and make sense of a sushi-restaurant's sign that was written completely in Japanese letters, but the sushi on the pictures looked divine. But then there was that smell in the air of something deliciously marinated sizzling on a grill... He breathed in deeply through his nose.  
  
"No." Harry sounded stern, but when Louis turned to look at him, he had a soft smile on his face. "No. I'm trying to impress you, can't you tell?" His left dimple popped and Louis wanted so badly to lean forward and lick it the way he's done in private more times than either of them can count.  
  
Louis laughed out loud. "Impress me? Why?"  
  
Harry shrugged, his expression completely deadpan. "This might come as a surprise to you, since we've only been together for just about three years by now, but... The case might be, that I sort of fancy you. Maybe. Just a little bit." He held up his thumb and his forefinger, just a millimetre in between as a demonstration. "But only a very little."  
  
He started walking again and Louis walked with him. "I wouldn't have guessed." He gave a crooked grin.

Taking a deep breath, Louis did something he hadn't done in public in years. Had hardly  _ever_ had the chance to do. He grasped Harry's hand in his and Harry hitched a breath, startled, and turned to look at him, his eyes going between their joined hands and Louis' face.

Louis stared stubbornly forward, trying to ignore how his belly was singing with butterflies both from nerves and a slight giddiness. And not a small amount of happiness and love.

"I heard that on dates," Louis spoke as he swallowed thickly and couldn't help but throw a furtive glance around them- no one, absolutely no one, was even paying them any kind of mind. "You hold your partner's hand." The brilliant smile Harry shot him as he squeezed his hand made Louis curse every single time they have ever been in public without being able to so this.  
  
Harry's large hand gripped his even tighter, as he suddenly pointed to a small restaurant just up to their left side. The smile on his face was radiant, as if he couldn't stop it even if he tried. As if he'd never be able to stop smiling.

"Look. This is from where it smells so delicious." The outside of the restaurant Harry was pointing to was wooden, and there was a rickety sliding door with a curtain with chickens on it hanging in front of the opening. "I guess it's chicken? How about it?"

Louis took a deep breath through his nose. "It smells _so_ lovely. Let's try it out."  
  
Harry hurried forward and opened the door for Louis with a flourish, letting him step inside first, and Louis couldn't help but laugh at him.

 

\- - -

 

_**February 2014.  
** _ _Recording studio._

  
Eleanor had talked to him yesterday and he had felt so stupid. More stupid than he ever had before in his life.

Of course he knew he hadn't needed to worry about her, or her relationship with Louis. But it was just so difficult to control feelings of jealousy. He had tried and tried and at some days he did okay and… others were worse.

Her and Louis wasn't even real, their relationship was made up, and it was so hurtful to see them do things that him and Louis should by all rights be able to do.

He should be able to hold his hand. Kiss him. Just, stand next to him.  
  
But they weren't allowed, and it wasn't Eleanor's fault but it was so easy to take it out on her and it wasn't right, but it was so bloody hard to stop.

And she had just left him on the bench where she'd found him, and he could see her walking away quickly, her phone already pressed to her ear.  
  
He had seen her hands shake, he had seen how nervous she had been talking to him and it just drove the nail in even further, how absolutely shitty he had treated her. She was a nice girl, and neither of this was her fault and he felt absolutely horrible.  
  
Harry put his elbows on his knees and rested his face in his hands. He didn't look up for a long time, not even when he felt his phone vibrating in his pocket one, two, three times. He didn't look up when he felt a warm hand on the back of his neck, didn't look up when the hand sneaked around him, strong arms around his shoulders. He leaned into it, leaned into the crook of Louis' neck and he sat like that for a good while, his eyes closed. He might have actually fallen asleep for a few moments, only waking up when Louis squeezed his shoulder.  
  
“Haz? Harry?”  
  
Harry sat up a little straighter, pulling away from a little from Louis, even though Louis' arm was still around him.

“Yeah.” Harry looked at him, his eyes sandy and oh-so-sleepy. “Sorry I fell asleep on you. I guess I was really tired.”  
  
Louis nodded, and leaned down to rest his head on Harry's shoulder instead. Harry's arm sneaked immediately around his waist, pulling him even closer. “I think I dozed off too. Probably needs sleep, both of us.”

Harry looked down at him where he was resting his cheek against Harry's shoulder, it probably wasn't very comfortable but he seemed utterly relaxed, his eyes closed and his voice slow.

“Probably.”

  
Harry reached out his other hand to hold Louis's other hand in his lap. Louis' hands were always so warm, always warmed by his ever present cup of tea. He threaded their fingers together, and felt Louis grip back a little tighter.  
  
“Eleanor came to talk to me.”  
  
“I know. Or, I knew she would.”  
  
“Did she tell you?”  
  
“It's been bothering her for a while.”  
  
“Why didn't you tell me? I felt so bad, I've been acting like such a shit.”  
  
“You haven't. Not really. You're like the actual nicest person in the world.”  
  
“I really am not. And especially not to her.”  
  
“You are, though. Like, you're nice to the point where it gets annoying. So the difference might be noticeable but you haven't been mean. But she did feel like it was a bit unfair to her. But she also felt bad because she understood why.”  
  
“It's unfair to you too.”  
  
“Yeah, well, I'm not to bothered.” Louis turned his head just a little, to look up at him. His eyes were a light blue in the dim light, hazy like a cloudy summer morning. “I've got you. Everything around it is just… it is what it is.”  
  
“That's not true.”  
  
“It is, most of the time.”  
  
“I'm sorry.” Harry sighed and kissed the side of Louis' temple.  
  
“You don't have to say that to me. But I'm happy you said it to El.”  
  
“I'm happy she came to talk to me, after all. I'll try to do better from now.”  
  
“You do that.” Louis closed his eyes again, pressing his thumb into the purlicue of Harry's hand. “And don't beat yourself up over it, okay? She's not upset, she was mostly just… I think she thought it would be easier if you could get along, at least a little bit.”

“I'll try.”

Their voices were getting slower and slower as they spoke, like thick syrup as they spoke before they both fell alseep like that, curled together on the little bench.

 

\- - -

 

_**April 2014.  
** Hotel room, LA._

  
"Hi, baby brother!" Gemma picked up after three rings even though it was late at night in England, and her voice chirped on the other end. "Calling to brag about the sunny weather in LA and laugh about the rainstorms we've got here?” She paused on the other end. “Oh, wait. Are you even in America now?" Her voice was happy and cheerful and bright. Harry swallowed through the pain in his chest.  
  
"Gems," Harry greeted and he tried his best to stop his voice from trembling. But he couldn't, not entirely, and he immediately heard the change of tone in his sister's voice as she spoke again.  
  
"Harry? What's going on, are you alright?" He could hear her shifting on the other end, maybe sitting up straighter in her chair. God, he missed her _so fucking much_.  
  
"I-" Deep breaths, deep breaths, he thought to himself. Breathe. Breathing seems like a good thing to keep doing, it's rumoured to be quite essential to staying alive. Another deep breath, and then he spoke.

"I think we're breaking up. I think this is it."

His sister was silent on the other end for a couple of moments while Harry focused on his breathing. In and out. In and out. He was getting dizzy, his head spinning.  
  
"What'd he do?" She sounded stern. Angry.  
  
"He... He didn't do anything, Gemma. It's not-" He took another deep, steadying breath. His heart was hurting.  
  
"Oh, okay then. What did you do?" Her tone was still clipped, and Harry needed this, needed his stern older sister who refused to coddle him and by god, why couldn't she be here with him right this second? He closed his eyes.  
  
"We didn't do anything, not me and not him and- it's just..." Another deep breath. “It's not like that.”

“What's it like then?”

"We keep fighting. It's so fucked up and I'm so fucking tired of it all and then I got jealous because he had to go out with El and I snapped at him about it and we had a big row over absolutely nothing important and, Gemma, I hate it, I hate it but I get so fucking jealous and it's not his fault and I can't help blaming him and I just want to stop it with this stupid charade." A broken sob escaped him unwanted. "But we can't and it's... It's tearing us apart. I think we just broke up."

"Oh, Harry." Gemma sighed. He could picture her with her phone pinned between her ear and her shoulder, leaning back in her chair. He saw her in front of his eyes when he closed them, as if she was right there, right next to him, her legs crossed at the ankles, her hand fiddling with something because she hardly ever sat entirely still, his sister.  
  
"I wish you were here." He squeezed his eyes shut as he put the phone on speaker and put it down on the table in front of him. “I miss you so much. And mum.”  
  
"Do you want me to come?" Her voice was quiet, soft and soothing. He could almost imagine her fingers carding through his hair.  
  
"No, you've got that big date on Thursday. I wouldn't ask you to cancel, I know you really like him." But he really really wanted to.  
  
"I'll cancel, you know that I will."  
  
"I know you really like... Will?" The name was said with an upward tilt at the end. "You really should go on that date."  
  
"Sebastian, Harry! Sebastian! That's not even close!" She sounded exasperated, but Harry could hear the slight smile in her voice, could almost see her shaking her head at him.  
  
Harry tilted his head back, leaning back on two of the chair's legs. A small smile appeared on his own lips at her exasperation. "Honestly, it's not that difficult, I don't date a lot, not really." She huffed at him.  
  
"You do though." A giggle escaped him and he wiped at his still teary eyes.  
  
She sobered up suddenly. Probably because she'd made him laugh now, and the situation was less dire. "What'd you row about? Where's Lou now?"  
  
"I don't even know. Or, we just- I was being stupid but so was he, and I said maybe it doesn't even matter anymore because he couldn't even sit next to me on the flight over here and I was just tired and jet lagged, I usually don't react this way. But I got annoyed because he said he didn't have a choice, because management made the rules so I said he might as well be with El, since he obviously doesn't care enough about us, I accused him for not caring about me any more. And Gems, I _know_ that's not true, I don't even know why I said that. But I said it, anyway and I told him that since we can never just be us anymore, does he even care or does it even matter? Louis, he said that's bloody unfair and he was right, okay, but I just..." He pulled a hand through his tangled curls. "I said maybe it's not worth it anymore since he doesn't want to take the fight even though I've been ready for years and he said that yeah, maybe it's bloody well not worth it, and he said he can't stand this crap anymore. And then he went out and it's been hours. He still hasn't come back." He cursed himself as he let out a broken sob. "I think he's over it. Me. I don't think he's coming back.”  
  
"He'll come back. Of course he will." Gemma's voice was soothing on the other end.  
  
"Well, obviously he will come back here, to the hotel, but... But I think this is it. He feels like it's not worth it any more. I'm not worth the hassle anyway. We were arguing the other night too and I said we could reveal our relationship and make it to look accidental, and no one would need to know if it was actually on purpose. But Louis, he's not... ready. Not yet. He's so sure it'd affect him in a bad way. But I don't think- he's so amazing, no one could hate him or something like that. He's a fantastic person. He's so funny and-" He put the palm of his hand against his eyes and rubbed. "How could anyone ever not like him? He's _perfect._ " Harry leaned over the table, resting his head against the top of his arms.  
  
"You're so innocent.” Gemma sighed. “Of course it'd affect you both if everyone knew. I don't know in what way but it would. The world still isn't as open as you think it is- or as accepting as you want it to be." Gemma spoke softly. "I wish it was, Harry, but I'm not sure if the world is ready. I wish I didn't have to say this, but so many of your fans, they would be devastated."  
  
God, he wanted her to be wrong so badly. But of course she wasn't.  
  
She paused. "I just... Harry, it's not strange that this happens. Your... Situation," Harry snorted at her choice of words. "It's as fucking far from ideal as anything can get. If you've come this far, I'm sure it will all be okay. You two are just -" he could hear her pull a hand through her hair by the movement on the other end. She was probably putting it up in a bun. "There's so much play-pretend in your lives that it's not strange things turns out this way. You just have to try and stop it from happening, avoid it the best you can. Of course you get jealous, because you hear things about each other every day that's not true. He hears things about you all the time, too, you know. At some point of course it'll be difficult to separate truths and lies and what's real and what's not. But if you want to keep trying you need to start working even harder at separating them, or I'm sorry you won't stand a chance.”  
  
Harry let out a shaky breath at this point.  
  
“Hearing about him and his _girlfriend_ , of course it hurts- but you know that it's not true, Harry. As for all those horrid rumours about you, of course it'd be just as difficult for him. You're both the jealous type, Harry, and that's never a good thing, especially for you who are exposed to lies and rumours every day. You need to do something about how you handle it, together, both of you, because you know the rumours won't stop and they're making you vulnerable. And as it is right now, you can't be open with your relationship because whether you're ready to or not you're not allowed to be open with your relationship at this point. And there are probably a lot of people who would react badly if you did it even if you were allowed."  
  
"I honestly don't think they would. Maybe some of them would care, but- of course I know it could and probably would affect us. I was just so frustrated, Gemma. I get so jealous sometimes that I just want to shout it out during a concert that he's mine. Mine and no one else’s."  
  
"That's slightly possessive, Hazza." A raspy voice was heard from the doorway to the big hotel room. "Hey there, G." Louis was standing in the door of their room, looking tired and worn, clad in red joggers and a worn hoodie that seemed several sizes too big for him as he closed the door behind him.  
  
"Hi there." Gemma sounded a bit stern, her tone clipped. "You're upsetting my little brother. Don't make me come over there, Tomlinson."  
  
Louis came further inside the room, and placed a hand on Harry's shoulder. "I know." He scratched at the nape of Harry's neck, his fingernails careful and blunt against his skin. Despite himself Harry leaned into the touch. "I came to apologize." He stared down at Harry and stroked a lock of hair from out of his eyes. "I'm sorry, I didn't-" he glanced up towards the phone. "Gemma, is it okay to have some privacy?"  
  
"Yeah, sure. I'm hanging up now. Harry call me later, okay? Bye, brother dear."  
  
"Bye, Gems. Thank you for... listening."  
  
After he'd closed the call and put the phone on mute, it was silent between them for a few moments. And then Louis dragged his fingers lightly through Harry's hair again as he spoke, "I'm sorry, love." He sat down heavily on the chair opposite Harry. "Of course I care. You know I do." He sighed and pulled a hand through his own hair, making it stick up in every direction imaginable, probably a few days of residue mousse and spray still in his hair. "I just, I don't know if I'm ready." He took one of Harry's hands in both of his. He was ice cold. "I wouldn't be all right, Harry, I don't think. They would judge me too hard. I love you, I really do, but you... You have to remember that I only came out to my family when I was 18. I couldn't tell anyone else. Harry, you knew when you were 13, it's so different for you. You're different. And people know, and they love you- I'm not strong enough, I would be 'the gay one' or the 'flamboyant one' and I'm sorry, but I _don't_ want that. I love you, but I don't want that, not at all. I don't want to be reduced to only that." He had his elbows on his knees, and rested his head in his hands. "I'm not like you, you can stand on your own. I can't do that, not yet. I'm sorry."  
  
Harry reached out to put a hand on Louis' knee, and Louis placed his own hand on top of it, lacing their fingers together as Harry turned his hand palm up. "It doesn't make me care about you less, Harry, please know that. You need to know that."  
  
"I do. I just... I wish I could let everyone know about us, but if... If, like, I at least have you I can do anything. We can do anything. I wish we didn't have to hide, that it wouldn't matter. And... I'm sorry but I hate seeing you with her." He squeezed Louis' hand. "I hate it. I hate to share you."  
  
"You don't. You know it's just for show, it's not as if you really have to share me at all with anyone." Louis squeezed his hand. "I would never." His blue eyes looked so tired as they bore into Harry's.  
  
"I know that!" Harry leaned back and again pulled his free hand through his hair. "Of course I know. It's just, it's not logical, I know that. But I can't help it, like, I know it's stupid but I can't help but still be upset. I wish I didn't let it out on you, I'm sorry that I do sometimes." Harry sighed and shook his head. "It's irrational, I know that."  
  
"I'm sorry too. I wish I could do something about it but right now, I'm not strong enough." Louis stood up and took a step towards Harry before sliding down to sit on his lap, his arms sneaking around his neck, and Harry's arms settling around Louis' hips. "I really am sorry."  
  
"Yeah. Me too." Harry put his face in the crook of Louis neck, taking a deep breath. "I don't-" He paused.  
  
"What?" Louis' fingers were softly combing through his hair.  
  
"I don't think I could do this without you." He smiled a wobbly smile. "And I know I wouldn't want to." He cocked his head to the side just slightly, tilting it upwards in a silent question. Louis stroked a curly lock from Harry's forehead before leaning down to touch their lips together softly, just a soft brush. Harry's grip tightened possessively around Louis' waist as Louis pulled his lips away and instead closed his eyes and rested his temple against Harry's.  
  
"Then you'd be glad to know you won't have to. I really do love you, Harry. Even when we fight."  
  
"Good." Harry's heart had calmed down, and he felt like regular breathing was becoming easier and easier for each moment that passed. He drew a trembling breath, the smell of cigarette smoke and Louis' musky cologne comforting every sense in his body, and his lips wobbled as he tried his damnedest to keep the tears from falling as Louis stroked a gentle knuckle under his left eye. "Because we fight a lot."  
  
Louis snorted. "Maybe. But our situation is a lot, so maybe that's our excuse if we do."

 

\- - -

 

_**Spring 2014  
** _ _Writing No Control._

  
They had practically been falling onto the floor, stumbling and tripping over each other's feet in their haste to get to their hotel room.

Liam had fallen behind somewhere after the second left turn after the lobby, calling something or other about an early meeting tomorrow morning, and please don't be late _please_ , whatever, and Niall had, well, disappeared sometime early on after the concert. Louis hadn't really been able to tell when or how what with Harry's broad chest having been pressed up so closely to his own back, Harry's cock already hard against him, laughing a sultry giggle in his ear.  
  
There hadn't really been a reason, nothing more, nothing less than the usual – but yesterday had been one of those days. He hadn't been able to tear his eyes off of Harry, had been staring constantly, and fuck it if it hadn't been too obvious. He almost couldn't bother being bothered about how obvious he was acting.  
  
There had been a lull between songs during the concert, Liam had been talking to the fans, fuck if Louis knew what he'd been talking about for the past few minutes, because Harry had been sashaying back-and-forth, playing and flirting with the fans, his dimpled smile completely irresistible as he winked, waved and blew them kisses. At one point he'd bowed around, wriggled his bum and made a silly pirouette, and Louis had to turn around and adjust himself in his pants as discreetly as he possibly could. He'd felt absolutely powerless, unable to do anything but roll his eyes and shake his head in surrender as Niall had eyed him suspiciously.  
  
He loves performing, loves interacting with fans, singing to his heart's content. He loves it. The raw power it induced, the rush of being the centre of so many people's attention, everyone singing along, dancing, loving it, loving _them._ To mean so much to someone, to be so important in their lives. He loves his fans so much, and together with songwriting, holding concerts is definitely the best part of his job. The ultimate high.

But last night the concert couldn't have been over soon enough, especially when Harry later on had turned to him, smiling happily with his cheeks flushed pink, all of him bright and shining, pupils dilated and his eyes stark green in the hazy light as he was still practically oozing of excitement, concert adrenaline and sex. Louis had swallowed thickly as they'd walked behind the stage, a heavy curtain hiding them from view from all directions. As Harry walked by him, rushing off to the loo to be back in time for the next song, Louis had turned to grip at Harry's upper arm so tightly it might almost be painful for Harry as Louis gritted out through his teeth,

”I want to fuck you. I want to make you beg for it in front of all these people.” His grip loosened as Harry's bright smile fell from his face, and his jaw slackened as he processed the words. He swallowed thickly, and if it weren't for all the loud background noises, Louis could probably have heard it instead of just seeing it in the way his Adam’s apple bobbed up and down.

”I-” Harry swallowed again. He moved his mouth, but there were no sounds, and he wet his lips with his tongue. He shook his head, hair falling over his eyes. ”Yes. Yes, please.” He'd blinked at him, his eyes wide.

 

And now here they were, the morning after. Louis was awake, and he couldn't tear his eyes off of Harry. He stretched out his arm to stroke a lock of hair from his face.

When they had finally reached Louis' hotel room last night, they might as well have teared the door down in their haste to get inside. Harry had been groping him through his pants, his mouth breathing hot tickling puffs of air into his ear.

”I want you in me. Please. God, Lou, I want you so bad. It's been  _ages,_ I-” Louis reached behind himself at the same time as he fumbled with his key card, and gripped Harry through his pants. ”Oh fuck-”

Louis couldn't help but lean forward and rest his temple against the door for just a moment, taking a steadying breath.  
  
”Come on, Lou, hurry.”  
  
”So impatient, Harold. It's almost like you're begging for it.”  
  
”Please.” Harry's voice turned softer in his ear. ”Please. I want you,” Harry mouthed at the shell of his ear at the same time as he scratched a hand up Louis' abdomen. “No, I _need_ for you to fuck me.” The fingers from one of Harry's hands squeezed at the side of his hips, and Louis had shivered and almost dropped his keycard at that point, and it had ended with Harry reaching up to cover his hand in his to grip at the card and slide it into the slot to push the door open with a soft laugh.  
  
They went into the room moving so close together that they almost moved as one, bodies practically glued together, Harry's body engulfing Louis' from behind, and as the door slammed shut behind them, Harry practically tore off Louis' tanktop, pulling it _up_ _upup_ over his head and throwing it behind them. “I missed you. I missed you so much.”  
  
“We just saw each other a week ago, Haz.” Louis closed his eyes, leaning into Harry's embrace, because whatever he said, he had missed Harry just as much. Hungered for his touch, his warmth, craved his bad jokes, his body… had plain missed _him._ He turned around in his arms to put his own around Harry's neck.  
  
“I,” He started, a smirk on his face as he trailed one hand down the open collar of Harry's shirt. His finger hooked on one of the two buttons that were buttoned.  
  
“What?” Harry pressed closer to him, his mouth slightly open as he put his face right in front of Louis', as Louis kissed him once, twice, before grinning cheekily.

“I want to tear this shirt off of you. It's ridiculously expensive, isn't it?” He tugged at the button, testing it's strength.

Harry threw his head back and laughed as he squeezed at Louis' waist. His grin was crooked and he was shaking his head as he replied, “It's Saint Laurent.”  
  
“Of course it is.” The button was straining against Louis' finger now. “It looks nice.”  
  
“You think it's ridiculous. You laughed when you first saw it.” His eyes were dancing with laughter, and his dimples were out of control, and Louis wanted to lick him. All of him.  
  
“Looks nice on you.”  
  
“Thank you.”  
  
_Pop._ The button flew off, and actually made a popping sound as it bounced against Louis before it fell down to the floor.  
  
“Real quality work. Proper craftsmanship, this shirt. I had to work to do that.”  
  
Harry was trying hard not to laugh, but when he spoke his voice was strained and his lips were twitching. “I can't believe you just tore a Saint Laurent shirt just to be a shit.” For a moment, he just stared at Louis, his hand reaching out to brush against his cheekbone. “I love you.”  
  
“I love you, too.” He had to stand up on his tiptoes to reach to kiss Harry's mouth. “Now, stop being mushy and let me fuck you.”  
  
The mood switched quite quickly after that. Harry's strong arms moved to hoist Louis up against his body, Louis legs wrapping around his hips as they made their way to the big three seat sofa in the middle of the room and sat down on it, practically falling down with Louis' on his lap. They were back to kissing, the wet sounds of tongue and lips moving mixing with soft sighs and groans as Louis ground down on Harry's lap, dragging his hips back and forth, up and down, Harry's big hands gripping his arse through the tight jeans, squeezing the cheeks through the fabric. When Louis bit down on Harry's lower lip, a tremor went through all of Harry's body at once as he moaned, “Lou, Lou, please-”  
  
“Take of your jeans, then. Off with them, come on.” Separating with several soft pecks, he pulled off from Harry's lap, helping Harry's shaking hands to unbutton the ridiculously tight jeans he was wearing. Harry raised his hips to wriggle out of them, pulling off jeans and underwear all at once.

“So effective.” Louis pulled off his own jeans, before settling back down on Harry's lap, throwing a leg over Harry's hips. They were kissing again, and as he kissed Harry's mouth, alternating between open mouthed wet kisses and stinging bites, he reached behind Harry's back, trailing his fingers over his back, down his spine and to the small of his back to where the swell of his arse started. Harry made a sound deep in his throat as Louis started fingering at the cleft, his legs spreading of their own accord. Louis' pulled his hand away, making Harry pout for a second before he saw Louis slide down his body, sliding down to stand on his knees on the floor in front of the sofa. Harry's legs spread wider apart, slotting Louis in between them. Louis bit down on one thigh, licking softly at the same spot.

“I've missed your taste.” He licked another long stripe up the thigh, almost up to his groin.

“I wish I-” Harry stopped speaking as he seemed to swallow down on a deep breath, his hips moving of their own accord as Louis licked a stripe up his already hard cock. He took a soft grip around the base of Harry's cock and slowly started pumping him, the slide of his fingers made a bit easier from the small amount of saliva from his own tongue.  
  
“Put your legs up.”  
  
Nodding his head, Harry placed one food on the couch, and as he slid down a bit further in his seat as he let the leg fall to the side as much as his joints would allow. The other leg was placed over Louis' shoulder, the foot resting lightly on his back. He breathed in deeply.  
  
“Wet it.” He met Harry's eyes, and as he placed his right hand in front of Harry's mouth, he took a hold of his wrist, gripping it as he started by placing the long finger in his mouth, licking around it, hollowing his mouth as he sucked it down. He moved to add the pointer finger, taking both digits in his mouth, moving his tongue in between the two fingers.  
  
Louis licked his lips as he watched him, his own very neglected cock straining, as he could feel the wet spot on the front of his pants growing.  
  
Harry's lips were pink and swollen, wet with saliva as he pulled the fingers out, now placing Louis' thumb in his mouth, pad down, his tongue curling around it.  
  
“There. Good, that's enough.” Louis spoke, his voice feeling even raspier than normal, as he blinked up at Harry who let go of the fingers with a soft pop. Harry's eyes were lidded and hazy, and his smile was positively filthy as he licked one, two, three stripes up Louis' palm, before sucking the skin between forefinger and thumb into his mouth, biting down not too gently. Louis moaned.  
  
Louis' hand was slick with Harry's saliva, and he immediately reached to grip Harry's cock, circling it with his palm. He pumped him with a loose grip, and he could feel Harry's body reacting to him, even to the loosest of touches. The way Harry was thrusting up, meeting Louis' fist, to the way Harry's thigh was flexing against his shoulder, and the way his breathing was becoming more and more laboured and heavy.  
  
“Louis-” His lips parted on an exhale of his name, and Louis' heart thudded in his chest.  
  
“Mhm,”  
  
“I didn't-” He raised his head to look down at Louis between his legs. He grinned, a dimpled smile that looked to innocent for what they were doing right now. “Not for a week. I didn't touch myself.” Heavy breathing. “I knew I'd see you soon, and I wanted to,” he giggled. “I thought about you, wanted you in me so bad, but I didn't touch myself. I wanted to wait for you.”  
  
Louis couldn't help but laugh, his mind spinning with the words. His grip around Harry's cock turned rougher. “Love. That's ridiculous.”  
  
“Maybe. But- Ah!” His hip spasmed as Louis leaned down to take the tip of him in his mouth. “But you like it. Love it. I always want you, you love it that I'm-” His hips almost flew off the couch as Louis' slackened his jaw and his mouth slid all the way down to the base, and his hand flew to Louis' hair to grip tight. “That I'm always ready for you. I always want you. Always.”  
  
Louis pulled back completely, a thread of saliva connecting his mouth with Harry's cock. “Fuck, Harry, you have to – I'm gonna come, and I haven't even...” He shook his head, eyes wide as his eyes met Harry's. He pressed the palm of his hand to his own erection, willing it to calm down.

“Please.” Harry handed him a small tube of lube, and he didn't fucking know where Harry got it from all of a sudden, but it didn't matter, because he wanted him  _now._

“ _Please.”_ Harry repeated.

“I don't fucking-” Louis breathed through his nose as he popped the lid open and coated his fingers. He could feel the heel of Harry's foot digging into his back. “You're out of control.”  
  
“I've got no control. None, not when it comes to you.” He dug his heel even harder into his back as the pad of Louis' thumb ghosted over his entrance.  
  
“Turn around, babe.” He just barely pressed his thumb inside, and Harry made a whining sound even as he started to untangle his leg from around Louis' back and then went to stand on spread knees on top of the couch, leaning over the backrest. He was still wearing his flimsy black and white shirt, still buttoned with the very last button, and right now it was resting just over his arse, pooling at his bent lower back. Louis gripped his hips and pushed him forward just a bit, as he climbed up to stand on his knees just behind Harry.  
  
His hand was still slick with lube and Harry's saliva as he started squeezing at the cheeks of Harry's arse, and then moved a finger in between and carefully pushed inside.

“Oh, god,” Harry moaned, his head falling forward.

Louis had to slide his other hand into his own pants, giving himself a few tugs before he exploded. “There, love, good. So good.” He said as he leaned forward to place a kiss on Harry's shoulder.  
  
He started pushing his longfinger in and out, carefully, as Harry's muscle flexed around him. Harry pushed back against it, trying to meet the thrusts of his finger.

“'Nother, Lou.” His voice was muffled against his own arm. “Make me feel it.”

Louis swallowed, but replied by pulling his finger out completely, before grabbing the lube and dripping some of the liquid against the cleft of Harry's arse, before pushing two fingers in and immediately started to scissor them , while moving in and out. Sweat was starting to glisten over Harry's temple, and the hair at his neck were a curly mess as it was turning more and more damp. The shirt was clinging to his back already.

Not waiting for Harry's word, Louis pulled out almost all the way before adding a third finger. Louis smiled to himself as Harry didn't seem to know if he wanted to push back more, sway his back further, or stand up straighter, or even pull back to adjust to the sensation more slowly, to savour it.

As he reached forward with his other hand, to slowly stroke his hand up Harry's length, Harry twisted his upper body to turn towards him, his head tilting to the side as their mouths met in a wet kiss, moaning into each others mouths. As Harry's big hand covered Louis' around his own erection, Louis rhythm faltered, and he groaned into their kiss.

“Lou,” Harry whispered against his mouth. “I'm ready, I want-” He pressed another close mouthed kiss against Louis' mouth. He turned around to face forward again, leaning his forehead against his arm, where it was resting on top of the headrest of the sofa. He took a deep breath, Louis could feel it rumble against him, as he rested his face in the back of Harry's head for a short second, breathing in the smell of his hair, the slightly tangy scent of sweat and a trace of his grapefruit shampoo.

He pulled his fingers out and trailed his hand forward, and Harry shuddered against him as he stroked along from the sensitive jut of his hips, and to the soft skin of the fern tattoo.

“Harry.” He whispered breathlessly, and Harry just nodded as Louis grabbed his own erection and slowly started pushing inside of Harry, slowly and deliberately all the way in one go. When he was fully inside of him, buried deep, the younger boy let escape a loud groan, and Louis was sweating all over. He stayed inside for a full minute, just feeling him, letting Harry adjust to the feeling – it had been so long, and even if Harry had been urging him on, he didn't want to hurt him.

He started moving, slowly then, realizing that this would be over very soon for the both of them, himself already so pent up and turned on he was ready to explode any second – he could probably come from such a small movement as Harry swallowing – and he could feel Harry already losing it, already twitching around him. As he thrust in, a short rapid thrust, Harry threw his head back, pushing himself back up from the couch and up closer against Louis. Louis caught him against his body, one arm going around Harry's abdomen, holding him against his own chest to steadying him.

One of Harry's arm's lifted, to go over his own shoulder, to grip at Louis', as his other hand gripped frantically at Louis' arm. “Fuck, Lou.”

Louis kissed the side of his throat as he pushed inside, again and again, heat pooling in his lower belly, coming closer and closer to release.  
  
“Please.” Harry moaned as he threw his head back, resting the back of his head against Louis' shoulder, turning his face sightly towards Louis'. Louis almost lost his breath seeing him, his long curls a damp tangled mess, his mouth slightly open with short ragged breaths coming out. The green of his eyes almost completely hidden behind dilated pupils. “Lou-” He whispered, almost as a whimper, before he arched his back and came apart in Louis' arms. The stimulation from Harry clenching around him with small thrusts made Louis follow mere seconds behind, his release so forceful he saw black. They rode it out together, pushing against each other in small thrusts, both breathing heavily before Harry fell forward against the couch, his legs shaking as Louis pulled out. Louis fell after him, his arms still around his, grip loosening as they were calming down. He pressed yet another sweet kiss to Harry's shoulder, and Harry giggled.  
  
“What're you laughing about?” He smiled against Harry's shoulder, and when Harry turned his head around to meet his eyes he looked slightly sheepish.  
  
“I think we need to buy them a new sofa.” He pulled a hand through his hair. “You made me ruin it, there'll be… stains.”  
  
“Just dry it off.” Louis huffed out a laughter, rubbing soft circles over Harry's lower belly – it was still clenching under his hand, muscles spasming and twitching.  
  
“Louis,” Harry sounded stern, but he was still smiling. “You know that doesn't work. We've tried that before. You should've remembered to put out a towel.”  
  
“Me?” Louis laughed out a breathy sound. “You fucking threw yourself at me even before we were inside, when would I have had the time to get a fucking towel? You should have gotten it.”  
  
“I'll remember next time.” Harry started slowly turning around, and his arms settled around Louis' middle. “Maybe they can just put on a new fabric?”  
  
“Yeah, I'm sure they'll just have new sofa covers lying around all over the place just in case Harry Styles comes around getting jizz all over their expensive furniture.”  
  
Harry burst out laughing, right into their kiss. “Don't say it like that.” He shook his head. “That was beautiful. A beautiful act of lovemaking is what it was.”  
  
“Yeah, that was beautiful. Especially the way you begged for me to fuck you, desperate for it because you'd refused to jerk yourself off for a week.” Louis nodded his head. “That was a truly romantic moment to write home about.”  
  
Harry buried his face in Louis neck, shaking with held in laughter. “Shut up. It was.” He bit down on Louis' shoulder softly.  
  
After a few minutes of just breathing together, Harry sat up straighter, their eyes meeting. “I love you.” He pressed a kiss to Louis' cheek.  
  
“Me too.”  
  
“I'll give them a check for a new couch when we check out tomorrow. Let's get room service, I'm hungry.”  
  
“You do that.” An amused smile. “I can eat.” Louis picked up the phone and pressed the number for room service. “What do you want?” He hid a yawn behind the back of his hand.  
  
“Strawberries.” Harry untangled himself from Louis and slowly stood up on slightly shaky legs. Unbuttoning the final button properly, he finally took off the forgotten shirt, dropping it on one of the armchairs. Walking to the bathroom wearing absolutely nothing he made a startlingly beautiful image, all broad back, long limbs, all _legs_ and _muscles_ and Louis cock twitched at the sight of the lovebites on his shoulder and even the back of his thighs. Those were his, he'd made them, he owned them.

Harry came out a minute later, just as Louis hung up the phone. He had put his long hair up in a messy bun on the top of his head. He was still naked as he made his way over to the bed, and Louis had to smack his bum as he walked past him. Harry only smirked back down at him and wriggled his butt a little extra.

They were both hungry and thirsty and giddy after the come down, and other than the strawberries Harry had wanted, Louis had ordered fries and a few beers, and he couldn't help but mock Harry as he drank a cup of coffee with his strawberries, the strangest mixture, before he also drained one of the beers.  


The coffee cup was still on their bedside table now, the morning after. It was still half full and stained with the red trace of strawberries, like a mark of lipstick, on the rim of the cup as Harry had been eating them while he was drinking his coffee before he'd started stealing fries from Louis' plate.

Louis was sitting up in bed now, the clock on the wall showing the time at 6.34. He couldn't sleep any more, and was instead jutting down lyrics on his ipad. Inspiration had struck, and he'd woken up with a start with words spinning around in his head. There hadn't been any point in going back to sleep, and the melody was already taking form in his head, even as the lyrics was rapidly coming together.

_No Control.  
  
_ _Powerless.  
  
_ _Obvious._

That's how he felt around Harry. But in all the best ways possible. 

He could still feel Harry on his tongue, the taste of him lingering on in his mouth. Harry was still asleep, laying on his side, one arm under his head, the pillow abandoned on the other side of the bed. He was just so _sweet_ pressed up against Louis even in sleep, and Louis could feel his body, sleep warm and soft against him and Louis never ever wanted to move, wanted to stay here in this warm bed all day.

_Taste on my tongue  
  
_ _I don't want to wash away the night before_

Louis turned to watch him, throwing his ipad on the little table beside the bed. Harry was slowly starting to come back to life, stirring more frequently, making small sounds, soft sighs. Louis didn't want to wake him up, wanted to let him sleep, but he couldn't help it, the need to touch was too tempting and he reached out to slowly stroke fingers through his hair where it lay as a halo against the white pillow.

Harry stayed asleep for a few more minutes before his long limbs stretched out and one eye finally opened up to peer up at Louis. He smiled widely, a toothy, happy smile that made Louis heart swell, and he absolutely had to lean over to press a lazy kiss to Harry's mouth, morning breath and all. He started kissing all over Harry's face, his lips, his pillow creased cheeks, his eyelids… Harry giggled throughout it all until Louis came back to his mouth, their lips meeting in a wet slide of tongues, little soft moans escaping from them as hands roamed all over each other, their legs tangling together with the sheets.

They pulled apart after a while, Harry sitting up on Louis' lap from where he'd ended up on top of him during the kiss. The soft sunlight of early morning was pushing through the curtains, making Harry glow gold against the clean whiteness of the hotelroom and the wrinkled sheets pooling around him. He extended his arms upward, his back creaking as he stretched it from side to side. He shook out his hair, his long dark locks messy and tousled as he pulled a hand through it, the scrunchie he'd used last night hanging loosely from one curl. He tugged it away and threw it on the floor. A tiny smile quirked his lips as he looked down at Louis, who was laying with his hands crossed behind his head.

“Are you trying to seduce me?” He felt his cock stirring against Harry's thigh.  
  
“Maybe. Is it working?” Harry fluttered his eyelashes. “We've still got a few hours.”  
  
“You tell me.” He jutted his hips, pushing up against Harry, making his rapidly hardening cock brush against Harry's thigh.  
  
Harry made a humming sound, and made a show of sliding down his body, lying further down on the bed in between Louis' legs, as he inspected Louis erection from each angle. Louis could feel against his cock, the way Harry was breathing through his nose. Could feel the wet warmness from his breath as Harry licked his lips again and again. His cock stirred under the scrutiny, and when Harry's tongue darted out to lick at the top of his length, catching a drop of precome, Louis' body trembled.

“Hmm.” Harry again made a show of licking his lips. “I would say that it's working, I think. Really well. Ten out of ten would probably agree.”

“I'm all yours. You know that.” Louis moaned, a breathy sound and his hips lifted of their own accord from the bed as Harry licked at the slit, dragging his tongue across the tip of Louis' erection in a lazy swipe. He took the tip of him in his mouth, and Louis' hips stuttered again.Harry pulled off with a soft pop, his mouth turning into a pleased smile.  
  
“And you accuse me of having no control.”

“You're cheating. Can't expect me to- to-” He was shut up by Harry mouthing him again, taking him all the way into his mouth, his cheeks hollowing as he sucked.

He licked a long, hot line up Louis' cock, his hand slowly pumping him, following the movement of his mouth. He pulled his mouth off of Louis', but his mouth stayed so close, still open as Harry stared slack jawed at the tip of his cock, looking utterly concentrated as he flicked his thumb carefully across the top of the head. Louis whined, and when Harry huffed out a laughter a ghost of cold air ghosted over his wet shaft. 

“Fuck, Harry, just-”  
  
He needn't say more before Harry took him all the way down, and as his teeth scraped along his length on the way up, Louis came, hard, down Harry's throat, his hand pumping him through his release. “Fuck, yes, yes-” he kept saying, even as he made these breathy little moans from deep in his throat. Harry kept stroking a hand over his thigh, calming him as he swallowed him down.  
  
When Louis had calmed down, Harry pulled off completely, pressing a kiss to his softening cock, and then continued kissing his way up, placing kisses on Louis' thighs, his lower belly, his bellybutton and up his chest and all the way up to his mouth.

Louis was still breathing harshly as he reached out blindly and tugging Harry to him, their mouths meeting in a frantic, desperate kiss, all tongues and teeth and as he felt the salty taste of himself on Harry's tongue he let out a half sob, still so affected by this boy even after so long together.  
  
“Harry,” He spoke in between kisses. “I want,” kiss, “to,” kiss, “Taste you.” Kiss kiss kiss. His arms clung around Harry, they were so close they could almost be melting together. He kissed his way down Harry's throat, feeling his pulse flicker and jump under his tongue. Harry's breathing was already coming out in short gasps. Harry's legs settled around his hips as he arched his body into him. Louis had already come, but he's already getting aroused again, his cock filling up quickly, thickening where it was moving against Harry's groin.  
  
“Let me eat you out. Please?”

Harry stills for a second, but it's gratifying to Louis to feel his pulse jump even quicker under his tongue, to hear the way his breath hitch in his throat. “Yes,” He whispers, his eyes wide. Louis can actually see the pupils widening, hiding the emerald of his eyes. “God, yes.” He strokes a hand over Louis' hair, flattening it, before untangling his legs from around him.

Louis heart thudded madly, skipping a beat, as Harry turned around wordlessly, laying down on his stomach, spreading his legs. He moaned as his cock dragged against the wrinkled sheets.  
  
“Please, Lou.” He reached out for a pillow, handing it to Louis, who placed it under his hips as Harry lifted them up, curving his back and making his arse stick up in the air. Louis' mouth watered instantly, making him swallow thickly.  
  
He moved down a bit further down his body, sitting on his knees in between Harry's legs. “Are you comfortable?”  
  
“Yeah,” He wriggled his lower body, just a bit, and Louis reached out with both hands, gripping at his hips, massaging his thumbs into the softer flesh of his bum, making Harry moan. This was always Harry's favourite thing, making it Louis' favourite thing. He bent down to press a messy kiss to one of the cheeks, his fingers starting to knead his arse, feeling the muscles there jumping under his massage for several minutes, Harry making high little moans and letting out soft sighs. He kept at it until Harry relaxed, almost melting into the bed under him, until he bent forward, licking a slow wet tongue along the very top of the cleft. Harry's arse twitched, cleancing under the fingers that kept up their slow massage.  
  
“Fuck, yes.” Harry moaned into his arm, and he's already pushing into the pillow with small, insistent thrusts. Louis places both hands on his hips, stilling him.  
  
“Hang on, babe, not yet. I've got you, be still, okay?” He says, and Harry stills even as Louis drags a finger down his cleft, carefully teasing just around the rim. Harry has turned his face to the side, and Louis can see the flush on his cheeks, see the way he's already biting at his lower lip. He bends down again, licking a longer stripe this time, stopping just above the entrance, his finger still carefully going back and forth over the rim, barely gracing it. Biting down carefully on one of the cheeks, and then sucking down, making sure to leave a mark, Louis feels intensely pleased with himself as Harry can't help but wriggle a little against the bed.

Moving his fingers, he flicked his tongue over the rim, darting it out one, two, three times, not pushing inside yet, the touch from his tongue as careful as his fingers from before. 

The smell of Harry, the smell of his arousal was so intense it almost drove Louis mad with want, wanted to push his tongue inside and just take everything, everything at once, just eat him all up.

“You're-” Louis pulled back, licking his lips, mouth already slick and a bit sticky. “You're still wet. From last night.” He took a deep breath, trying to calm himself down. He'd dried Harry off with a wet towel last night, cleaning him up as best as he could as they were laying in bed, but there were still traces of  _him_ _self_ there, and the stickiness from the lube from last night was also lingering and… Louis had to pull back to sit up on his knees for a moment, closing his eyes and take a deep, calming breath.

He pressed a closed fist to his aching, leaking erection, willing it to go down just a bit. It was almost painful, already. He couldn't come now, again, untouched. Not after having just orgasmed not even an hour ago. But this was… he could do this every day, all day and never get tired of it. Could obviously come from just this, from doing this for Harry, feeling him react to it, feeling him move under his tongue.

“I know.” Harry spread his legs a little further, speaking on a soft sigh. “I can still feel you in me. Want to feel you in me all day.” Louis lay back down, both arms going under Harry's thighs, pulling him a bit further down, changing the position so that he's placed just over the crack of Harry's arse. He breathed in deeply, and Harry's thighs flexed in anticipation.

His tongue darted out again, and now he wasted no time. He mouthed at the opening, licking around it, dragging the flat of his tongue over it again and again, making Harry tremble all over, going from his toes and up through all of his body, all the way up to make him throw his head back on a silent scream as Louis scraped his teeth lightly against the rim.

His tight slick hole was almost pulsing under Louis' ministrations, and when Louis finally pressed the tip of his tongue inside, a sound was ripped out of Harry, a mixture between a moan and a scream. Louis pulled out, smiling too wide to keep his tongue inside. He spread him wider, and tried a long, wide swipe along the entire cleft of Harry's arse.

“Lou-” Harry turned his head around, straining his neck to look over at Louis who met his eyes, before licking along the top of his crack with those long swipes of his tongue. _“Please_ _godyessogoodplease_ _.”_

Harry looked completely out of it, hair in utter disarray, a big messy knot of hair having formed at the side of his head. His eyes were wide open, and they were hazy and blurry as he tried to focus in on Louis' face. His cheeks were flushed, patches of pink going down all the way to his neck and his throat. His mouth was open in an 'o', his lips swollen and rosy red from where he'd been biting on them.

Louis could feel his own erection reacting to him, to the wrecked sounds he was making, his cock leaking to make a wet patch on the white fabric beneath him. He heard himself make a sound that he would never admit to, ever, something achingly close to a sob.

He gripped at Harry's arse cheeks with both hands and again kneaded them, to spread them further. Alternating between quick, darting licks around him and pressing the tip of his tongue inside the saliva slicked hole again and again, was making Harry writhe against the pillow he was laying on. He was slowly stroking himself now, too, mirroring the rhythm he was using with his tongue. He was close now, and he could feel that Harry was even closer. When he pressed the pad of his thumb inside of him, he tore a loud cry from Harry, who came violently, his whole body spasming against him. The feel of Harry's hole closing around his tongue, his whole body reacting to it, Louis felt that white-hot sear behind his eyes, that familiar punch to his gut and he pushed against his own hand one, two, three times before he felt sticky wetness against his hand.  
  
Harry had completely collapsed under him, and if it wasn't for the heavy, heaving breaths he was taking, he was laying completely still. Louis somehow found the energy to climb up his body to place a soft kiss under the shell of Harry's ear, before collapsing on top of him.

It took them a long while to return to equilibrium, both of them trying to regain both their breaths and their will and ability to move their limbs. In the end, Harry spoke first.  
  
“I never want to move.” He was laying face down, still. “I actually don't think I can.”  
  
“Me neither.” Louis made a half hearted attempt to roll off of Harry, but he just ended up curled to his side instead. “Case in point.”  
  
“Maybe we should just stay here. I want to stay here, it feels like I'm burning up, but I never want to move.”  
  
_Stay right here and burn in it all day._ Louis' brain helpfully supplied.  
  
“Then let's.” Carefully moving a hand up to Harry's head, he carefully started to untangle the angry knot of hair as best as he could.

 

 

\- - -

_**July 20, 2014.  
** _ _Jay's wedding._

 

“No, wait, Louis, what're you-” Harry grabbed for the paper, tried to catch it before Louis got to it with his sharpie marker. “That's not yours, I'm supposed to-” Harry shook his head in amusement, his heartbeat skipping a beat at the sight of Louis in that suit. He was gorgeous, the dress trousers so flattering on him, settling perfectly around his bum, the jacket setting of the dip of his waist perfectly.  
  
“Shush.” Louis snagged the seating card and made a sharp beeline for the other side of the round table where Harry, Liam and Niall were already sitting together with Lou and some of the other guests from the wedding. “It's almost mine.” Louis shrugged.  
  
Harry swirled his drink around in his glass, already laughing. “What, how? Why would it ever be 'almost yours'? It's mine! It's my card, I'm supposed to write a greeting to Jay and to Dan on it, don't ruin it! I want to write on it!” As he tried his best not to laugh, he put his wine glass down on top of the table as he stood up and launched for the paper over the table. Louis waved his finger at him.

“It's mine because you are mine, and because this is my mother's wedding, which in conclusion makes this paper more mine than it is yours.” He unscrewed the lid of his pen. “I'll write something on it for you.” Louis wasn't drunk, but his body was soft and relaxed, his eyes a bit hazy as they looked up at Harry. “Something nice.” 

“The mere fact that you say you're going to write something nice is extremely worrisome.” Lou laughed at him, her voice twinkling. “You're going to write something stupid.” Harry nodded at her vigorously.  
  
“Why would I do that?” Louis smiled his most innocent smile, and that was never ever a good thing, Harry thought to himself.  
  
“Because you're you.” Harry stood up again and started making his way around the table. “And we all know you.” As Harry approached him, Louis got up again, starting to back away from him.

“That's hurtful, Harold.” His shit eating grin told otherwise. “I'll have you know that I only speak the truth. I love my mother, and I would never ruin something as important as a greeting card at my own mother's wedding.”

“Please!” Niall cried out from beside him. He was more than a little intoxicated, currently reclining back on only two of his chair's legs. For some reason he was wearing Harry's hat, waving his arms around in the air. “You so would!”  
  
“Thank you, Niall. See?” Harry kept following Louis around the table. “What did you write on it?” He tried to reach for the paper, grabbing over Louis' shoulder as Louis held it as far away from Harry as he could. Everyone was giggling around them.  
  
“Don't use your long giraffe legs against me!” Louis giggled behind one hand. Okay, so maybe he was a bit drunker than Harry had first thought. “You know I don't like being the shortest one. You're so tall, so that's cheating, and it's making me sad.” He pouted at Harry, looking up from under long lashes and Harry hated himself for falling for it. They couldn't kiss, not here, not now, but Harry really really wanted to kiss that silly pout off his face.

“You're ridiculous.” He shook his head, his eyebrows raised and a big smile on his face, as Louis laughed victoriously. At least he did until Niall snagged the piece of paper from his hand and quickly handed it over to Harry.

“Thanks.” Harry flipped the paper and read what Louis had written, at the same time as Louis cried out, “But Neil!”

Louis' moth were twitching, trying not to smile as he settled his arms around Liam's and Sophia's shoulders. “At least I have you. I can always trust you two to be on my side.”

Sophia patted his arm consolingly while Liam was leaning away in his chair towards Harry, also curious as to what had been written on the card.  
  
“What the fuck, Louis?” Harry burst out laughing. “What'd you write that for? On your mum's wedding. I'll look like a wierdo!”  
  
“To be fair, though,” Lou added helpfully.  
  
“He is a weirdo.” Liam continued, toasting her with his beer.  
  
In the little square of paper where the guests were supposed to put a greeting to the newlyweds, Harry had planned a lovely little note about the scent of summer, love and compatibility and now in it's room there was… a speech bubble with the words,  
  
_'I like to moan.'_

Harry groaned.

 

\- - -

_**July 2017.  
** _ _Liam and Sophia's wedding._

 

Louis might be crying. Just a little bit.  
  
The ceremony was just over, and, by god, it had been so beautiful. He had been standing to the side during the ceremony, a few steps away on Liam's side and when Sophia had entered the church, Louis' breath had been caught in his throat. She was so beautiful, Sophia was.  
  
And what made it even more emotional was the way he could almost feel the wind get caught in Liam's throat, could definitely hear it.  
  
She was in an off white dress made in several layers of the finest lace you could imagine. The dress was in mermaid style, tight on top with thin straps over her shoulders and you could just about see the small baby bump.  
  
She was radiant and Liam apparently had trouble breathing, tears already running down his face.  
  
They smiled as they looked at each other, Liam and Sophia, and Louis was just so incredibly happy for them he thought he might burst out of the roof of the church.  
  
His eyes met Harry's where he was sitting next to Niall and Zayn in one of the rows dedicated for family. Because they were.  
  
Harry was gorgeous, and he was patting Niall's leg as he was crying. Niall was more emotional than either of them when it came to these kinds of things. When he'd found out that Louis had proposed to Harry, they had actually started to worry that he would never stop crying, he had been so happy for them.

  
_'You okay?'_ Louis mouthed towards Harry after the ceremony was one, and Harry nodded back at him.  
  
_'It's so beautiful,_ ' He mouthed back. _'Niall's a mess.'  
  
_ Louis laughed a little as he looked over just as Niall wiped at his nose with a big tissue that Sandra handed to him. It looked like he'd been going through a few of them already, judging by how he saw the tail end of several of them sticking out of his pocket. Louis shook his head as Harry laughed, his dimples on full display.

The reception was beautiful as well. Several speeches taking but several long minutes, the food delicious and the cake a true master piece.

Several hours later, the party was still going strong and everyone was dancing and laughing and drinking and the bride and groom was just ending what was probably their fourth waltz when Harry and Louis snuck out into the garden, hand in hand.  
  
They were far enough from the city of London that the stars could be seen as they walked hand in hand through the gorgeous English garden, the smell of summer and flowers and slightly dewy grass settling in around them.

“Louis?” Harry suddenly said, stopping dead in his tracks and Louis turning to watch him. Harry's smile was so free and so happy. His hair that was up in a bun was loosening, his curls at the back of his neck frizzy after having danced all night long.  
  
“Harry?” Louis smiled back.  
  
“Marry me?” He stroked at Louis' cheek.  
  
“I already asked you first.” Louis shook his head, amused.  
  
“I know.” Harry laughed, the sound so beautiful in the stillness of the night. They were too far from the tents they couldn't even hear the party going on right now. “I know. And I'm asking you now.”  
  
Harry got down on one knee, and as pulled out a small rubber band from he pocket of his dress trousers, Louis' heart skipped a beat.  
  
“I'm sorry, this isn't planned very well.” Harry giggled. “I didn't even bring a ring.”  
  
Louis just blinked at him.  
  
“Lou. Louis.” Harry looked up at him, and he truly was the most gorgeous thing Louis has ever seen.  
  
“Louis Tomlinson. We've been through much, you and I. But whatever happened, whichever struggles, whatever anyone's ever thrown at us, it's always been you.”  
  
Louis is definitely not crying, because _he asked first_ , damn it. He wiped at his face.  
  
“I love you so much.” Harry wiped at his own too. “And whatever happens, you'll-” He took a steadying breath. “You keep me grounded, you keep me sane. You always makes me happy. I thank my lucky star every single day that I met you, and that you wanted me. Still want me.” He wiped at his nose.  
  
“Harry, fuck-”  
  
“Shut up. I love you so much. Please, won't you marry me?”

“Of-” As Harry stood up and wound the rubber band several times around his finger to stop it from being to big, Louis answered. “Of course I will. Yes.” He laughed as Harry put both hands under his jaw, cupping his face, planting kiss after kiss all over his cheeks, nose, ears.

“Yay!” Harry laughed in between his kisses.  
  
As Harry kept planting kisses all over Louis' face, Louis managed to splutter out, “But I asked first!”

 

\- - -

 

_**Christmas, 2025.  
** _ _Tomlinson-Styles household.  
  
_

"What're you doing?" Harry asked, laughter evident in his voice as soon as he came inside the living room. Louis was crouching by the fireplace, but stood up and turned towards him immediately. Louis' cheeks were puffing out, and he was chewing something, his eyes thin slits as he was smiling a guilty smile at the same time.  
  
"Making sure the girls can see that Santa was here. Hiding the trail." Louis swallowed.  
  
"And 'hiding the trail' basically means..." Harry stepped up to him and eyed the plastic bag in his hand with a smirk. "Eating Santa's cookies and throwing away the reindeer's carrots that you don't want to eat?" He put his arms around Louis' waist.

"You shouldn't throw away the vegetables, Lou. They work hard, you know, those poor reindeers. Imagine dragging Santa around all day and all night, and all those presents must be really heavy and..." He leaned down to press a soft kiss under Louis' right eye. "Not even getting rewarded with some-" he put his mouth to Louis' ear, to whisper in it, dragging out the word. "Yummy carrots. Yu-u-u-ummy." He dragged his tongue softly in the junction between jaw and ear.

Louis laughed and squirmed in his arms. "You sound like a creep when you say yummy, Harold, stop it."  
  
"Yummy." Harry breathed wetly in his ear, his voice trembling with held in laughter.  
  
"You're a creep." Louis flicked a finger at him before, "Come on, dance with me, Harry. A birthday dance." Louis laughed as he put both his arms around Harry's neck, one hand stroking along the side of Harry's face.  
  
There was a Christmas playlist playing softly in the background, and their lips met in a close mouthed kiss just as the song switched from Mariah Carrey's _All I want for Christmas,_ to Michael Buble's _It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas_. Harry laughed as Louis spun him around once, making him almost trip over his own two feet.  
  
"Careful babe, I might not catch you next time." Louis grinned as he once again put his arms around Harry's neck, his hand stroking along the short hair at the back of his neck.  
  
"You still upset about he hair?" Harry queried softly, his nose nuzzling into Louis' hair.  
  
"No, of course not. It's just..." He had to laugh. "How the fuck did you even get all that gum in your hair, you have to tell me now that it's finally started to grow out again. Now that I've had a chance to process it. It was a difficult time for me, you might recall." He tugged at a short curl. "Now that it's finally starting to grow back I can finally talk about it." Relief was evident in his voice, and Harry had to smile at him.  
  
"Lynn accidentally spat it in my head." Harry's voice was surprisingly fond, even talking about such an ordeal that had him having to shave off almost all of his hair. "She was trying to teach Madison to blow her chewing gum into bubbles. I don't think she really understands that Madison's just three years old and that she can't really do it yet. So she tried so hard to teach her, and then as she was blowing for all she was worth, the whole thing flew out right in my head and she tried to get it out but I think she managed to just massage it into my hair even more." He laughed. "Then there was nothing we could do other than shave it all off." He smiled at Louis. "So in short, it's our oldest daughters fault since she tried to teach her little sister something so essential as blowing a chewing gum bubble. You seemed so genuinely upset that I didn't want to tell you what happened."  
  
Louis mouth twitched. "They're monsters, both of them. Absolutely rambunctious."  
  
"They get all of that from your side." Harry laughed.  
  
"I wish I could disagree, but you're probably right." A smirk.  
  
Harry laughed and squeezed Louis a little tighter in his arms, and Louis put his face in the crook of Harry's neck. He breathed in deeply as they danced in silence for a few minutes.  
  
"I missed your curls."  
  
"It's actually been quite nice to have a buzzcut for a while." Harry grinned at him, a smirk on his lips as he hooked a long finger in one of Louis' belt loops and pulled him closer, their crotches pressing together. "It's so easy to handle- just wash and go. Maybe I should actually keep it this way." Harry leaned to whisper in Louis' ear, "Go back to the hairdresser and ask them to shave it all off again." He kissed just below Louis ear, smiling as Louis pressed their groins even closer together, feeling his semi-hard length through his trousers.  
  
That's when Louis pinched him. "Stop sprouting nonsense, you idiot." Louis stopped moving and instead stood up on his tiptoes, his blue eyes trying to glare at Harry, even as they were dancing with mirth. "You know I like your long hair. I miss it, Curly." He twisted a short lock around a finger. "I'm happy it's growing back." He pressed their bodies flush together again. "I want something to grip onto when you fuck me." Two fingers trailed down Harry's arm.  
  
Harry burst out laughing. "You do make for a convincing argument. Maybe you'll get lucky tonight." He whispered. "Happy Birthday, Lou."  
  
"Thank you, Haz." Louis rested his face against Harry's shoulder for a second before speaking again. "Thank you for the presents. Especially the wonderful spray painted acorn that you helped Lynn make. That was truly a beautiful piece." Harry huffed a laugh.

"We should head to bed, the little monsters are sure to wake us up at ass-oclock in the morning. Christmas-day and everything." Louis pressed another kiss to Harry's cheek.

"I love you." Harry then tried to spin them around again, but once again miss stepped.

"Still like Bambi on ice, Styles." He pinched Harry's butt as he rightened him. "You're lucky you're cute, or I might've just let you fall to the floor."

"You're mean."  
  
"You love me."  
  
"I do."  
  
As the song changed once again to another Michael Buble song, Louis twisted both his hands firmly into Harry's hair and pulled until their mouths met in a wet, open mouthed kiss. Harry moaned as their tongues pushed against each other.  
  
"Mmm... You taste like sweets." Harry licked into his mouth again, separating with a soft peck to the corner of Louis' mouth.  
  
"It's the gingerbread I ate."  
  
"Good." Harry trailed a hand between their bodies. "You taste yummy."  
  
"You're an idiot." Louis gripped one of Harry's wrists tightly in one of his hands. "I might have to punish you-"  
  
They suddenly startled apart, both jumping from the floor as there was a loud sneeze from the hallway just outside the living room. Louis' hand was still gripping Harry's as they saw their oldest daughter standing in the doorway leading from the living room and out into the hallway. Harry squeezed his hand as he started walking towards her and scooping their seven year old into his arms. He touched her feet and frowned- they were freezing cold.

"Honey, what're you doing up?" He bopped her nose carefully with a knuckle, as he scooted her closer into his arms, to warm her up." You should be asleep by now. And you're so cold."

Louis touched her feet too, and his eyebrows rose, as he mouthed over Lynn's head to Harry, "She's fucking ice cold, we need to put her to bed."

Lynn obviously had other plans though, what with how she was wriggling in Harry's arms, and trying to get back down on the floor.  
  
"I just wanted to see if Santa had been here, and he has, look, look, the cookie is gone! And there are presents under the tree! Look, Look!" Her chubby little hand pointed towards the Christmas tree twinkling away in the corner. "I just want to look. Please, please." She looked up at Louis with her big green doe-eyes, no doubt knowing he was the one who most often caved in.  
  
Not this time, though. There were still several unwrapped gifts lying by the tree, fully visible if she'd get too close.  
  
"Nuh uh." Louis stepped closer to them, putting one hand at the dip of Harry's back. "Not until morning, it's much too late for little girls to be out of bed now. And Madison will be terribly sad if you could peek at them before her."  
  
"Daddy's right, peaches." Harry kissed her forehead softly, keeping his lips there for a second or two. "We better put you to bed, and hope you get some socks from Santa tomorrow morning, your feet are like ice! Look, even daddy's wearing them, it's so cold outside." He nodded towards Louis, who raised one foot with an argyle patterned sock in christmassy red and green and wriggled his toes in the air. Lynn didn't pay attention, instead curled closer into Harry's arms, her eyes slowly falling shut.  
  
"Did you see him?" Lynn rubbed at one eye with the back of her hand, trying and failing to keep awake.  
  
"Who, Santa?" Louis asked. He grinned at Harry. "No, he must have been here while we were in the kitchen. We were only gone a minute, he's very efficient." She looked from Louis to Harry, and Harry was nodding very seriously to what Louis was saying, before adding, so seriously that Louis thought he would burst out laughing.

Harry's eyes met Lynn's as he spoke. "Of course he is. He's having such a busy day, can't take too long at every house. So I'm sure he appreciated the cookie. And Rudolph and Dasher and Vixen and their friends are sure to be working extra fast now with the extra energy from all the carrots they got. Don't you think so too, Louis?" Harry grinned.

"Absolutely. I genuinely think so." He winked, as Lynn closed her eyes and seemed to fall asleep sitting in Harry's arms. When Louis glanced at the watch on the wall, the pointers said that it was already long after midnight.  
  
"Now, time for bed, pumpkin. You need your energy for tomorrow, and then the day after tomorrow, since uncle Niel's coming and-" Louis leaned down to pick up her teddybear from the floor. You could see Lynn visibly trying to open her eyes, but she was getting much too tired. She spoke through a yawn.  
  
"Yay, uncle Ni-ni-niel-" the rest of the words were more than likely spoken in her sleep, even as she gripped Louis' index finger in her tiny grasp. "He's my favourite..."  
  
Together, they went back through the kitchen and up to the second floor and put her back into bed, an easy task as she was already fast asleep.  
  
"Night, love." Louis kissed her forehead and stroked the hair out of her face as Harry tucked first her in, and then went to check on Madison who was still fast asleep, sprawled in her own bed like a starfish.  
  
They moved slowly out of the children's rooms and stood in the doorway for a minute before heading back downstairs to wrap the last few presents. They worked in silence for a few minutes, wrapping gifts and hiding the last few carrots before Harry spoke, "Lou?"  
  
Louis looked up at him, a gift ribbon squeezed between his teeth. "Mhm?"  
  
"You know that one day,” He paused and tried to hide a grin behind the back of his hand. “One day, you'll actually have to tell her that his name isn't actually uncle Neil, but uncle Niall."  
  
"But it's more fun this way." Louis laughed as Harry shook his head at him.  
  
"You might be right, I will admit to no such thing whatsoever, but- Niall's really getting frustrated. He loves Lynn and Madison so much, he wants them to say the right name." Harry's mouth twitched. "Did you hear that song he wrote?"  
  
"Which one?"  
  
"The _'My name is Niall and I'm an Irish lad, my name is Niall and my name is kinda rad.'”_ Harry sung it even as he was laughing, making Louis laugh too. "He brought his guitar and everything, made a proper show of it, too."  
  
"No, what the hell?" Louis laughed. "And he sang it to Lynn?"  
  
"Choreographed and everything.” Harry put a finishing bow on the last gift and put it under the tree with a flourish. “I think the message went over her head. Either way, he's still Uncle Niel to them." He laughed. "I felt a bit sorry for him." He snorted a laughter. "He tries so hard."  
  
"Poor Neil." Louis said and as Harry snorted with laughter their eyes met and they leaned over the presents to give each other a long, lingering kiss.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so so emotional that I finally managed to finish this, finally dared to post this, ha ha haa. The self indulgent schmoopy schmoop that this is oh my god.
> 
> If you made it through this far, thank you thank you thank you for reading. I hope you enjoyed it at least a little bit.
> 
> All the love. <3

**Author's Note:**

> Chapter two is coming right up, in where you can expect (pretty much exactly) the same timeline but this time from Harry and Louis' point of view. I hope you liked this first part, lovelies.


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